iFind a Piece of Mind
by User1-FlynnK
Summary: Months have passed since Freddie & Sam ended their relationship in iLove You; now Sam has a new man in her life. Is he here to stay? How does Freddie feel about this? Will Sam & Freddie end up together? Rated M for Language, Violence & Sexual Situations.
1. Dedications and Thanks

Book 1

iFind a Piece of Mind

**No I do not own anything iCarly related Dan Schneider/Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon do. This is meant to honor the cast, creator and crew in the best of possible lights.**

Chapters 9 - The End Co-Authored by TheWrtrInMe, DwynArthur -

They've both inspired me and given me ideas that have come to enhance and elevate the story to new heights. Without them it just wouldn't be as good.

**This series is dedicated to the following with all the love and respect one man can muster:**

_**First and foremost I'm adding this because they deserve it for helping me out when I came to a Quality issue. They've all helped me far more than I can ever be grateful for:**_

TheWrtrInMe, DwynArthur, and Samantha Nicole Trewyn

SeddieBennet for being one of the best damn Beta Readers ever, who helped me get this story to you, my beloved readers.

To the cast and crew of iCarly, especially Jennette McCurdy and Nathan Kress who are absolutely spectacular in everything they do.

JMcCurdian4life - Thank you friend!

dgenerationx116 - Stay Frosty!

And lastly, but certainly not least I want to thank you, my readers, even if you're just a few, every one of you mean the world to me. Remember always I'm doing this for you, so enjoy and sound off on anything that concerns you. I am your humble servant, lol.

Oh … and once more with feeling, **ENJOY!**


	2. Chapter 1

_Billy-_

I hit the guy in the face, my taped knuckles throb in pain and my lungs burn as I take in air. The guy stumbles away from me and I move in to hit him again, catching him in the near his left temple. This time he falls to his knees and holds a bloodied hand and I can hear the crowd cheering my name as he gets back up. I smirk and hear them whirl insults and curses at him, telling me to kick his ass and one girlish voice breaks through, telling me to, "Whoop his butt". The innocence of the comment distracts me long enough for him to land a hit to my abdomen and the breath in my lungs bursts out in a gag. I see the look on his face as my vision blurs around the edges.

As I cough up blood onto him, my vision blackens and I see a pretty and young round face draped in a blonde mass of curly hair, dart up behind him telling me to, "Whoop his butt!" I smile weakly as I cough again, the air trying to make its way into my lungs. He comes at me as I lift an arm to block his fist. I gather enough of myself to pull my fists behind my head into a Keysi fighting stance to maneuver past his left hook and in under his arm. I bring my fists down onto his ribs like hammers cracking several with loud snaps of breaking bone as he screams; I lift my knee into the back of his left leg and as he begins to fall back on to my raised knee I bring my left elbow down on his sternum cracking it then bring my right down onto his forehead knocking him out. I let him drop to the ground and begin coughing violently as I back up into my trainer.

He sets me down on a stool as I try and catch my breath. I desperately don't want to pass out in front of this group no one here knows I'm dying and I intend to keep them from knowing. I finally manage to get the coughing under control and am led back into the locker room. I look at my trainer, Ted, talk to the fight manager who smiles and laughs as he hands over three grand worth of winnings and bet money. Ted rushes over to me with a wry smile on his face.

"Keep this up and you could become pro pally."

"I'm not in it for that," I look at him with nearly dead eyes. "You know that."

"You're goddamned stupid, son," he laughs and tucks almost fifteen hundred dollars into my gym bag. "You ought to get that cough checked out Billy."

"I'll get right on that Teddy." I nod.

"Listen I'll see you on Thursday for training, you got that?"

I nod again and he smiles. Ted's a big man, in his forties and balding. He used to be a fighter, went pro heavy weight at one point and flopped out because of a car accident that nearly destroyed his right shoulder. So now he coaches me, and loves the fact that I'm MMA more than straight boxing, which at the moment in these underground fights nets more money than straight boxing. Teddy walks out of the locker room, leaving me alone with my raspy breathing as I slump down onto the floor letting my back rest against the lockers.

I close my eyes feeling my temples, hands, arms and chest throb in pain as I hear a light pair of footsteps approach.

"You aren't supposed to be back here," I groan.

"So?"

I peak out of my right eye and see that pretty young face from before a geeky smile beaming away on her face. I sigh and lift a hand to my shaved head rubbing it.

"What do you want kid?"

"My name's not kid," she says testily and I chuckle.

"Then what is it kid?" I let my head loll in her direction and I see her smile gone, her lips small and drawn tight in anger. "What's your name?"

She stutters slightly, "Puckett, Sam Puckett."

I nod, my temples throbbing with the movement, "Well Puckett, what is it that you want from a sick man like myself?"

"I just wanted to meet you." I laugh again and it hurts my chest and lungs to do so, I smile and cough lightly, "So what?"

"Want my autograph, Puckett?" I smile at her, my eyes betraying my pain and exasperation.

"Naw," she says shoving her hands into her pockets and rubbing the tip of her right shoe into the ground. "How old are you?"

"You don't even know my name and you're asking my age," I laugh again, this time not as hard as before. "That's rich."

"I know your name, Billy Cohen," she says in a pout and I gawk at her mockingly.

"You asked the promoter didn't you?" I smirk.

"So what if I did," she looks away at the opposite set of Lockers.

"Hey, no skin off my back, reach into that bag for me will you and get out a marker for me huh?" I motion to it as I stand up and sit on the bench.

"You sure," she asks as I nod with a chuckle.

"Wouldn't have said so if I wasn't."

I didn't care if she saw my money or not, or my clothes, or my shoes. I watch her bend over the bag and whistle at the roll of cash, she pulls the marker out and I reach across to her arm and roll up her jacket sleeve.

"Hope you don't mind me fucking up your shirt."

She laughs and shakes her head as I scrawl my signature onto her bright orange shirt sleeve. I look at her and can tell she's young. I can tell she should be in school right now, much like I probably should be if I hadn't of dropped out after that day a year ago.

"Why are you down here instead of in school?"

"What's it to you Cohen?" she asks, sullenly.

"Just curious, Puckett. Just curious."

I know better than to do this, but I don't fight for the money I fight because it's one of the few times I feel alive now. I reach into the bag and pull out the roll. I look at her out from under my brow and sigh heavily.

"How does fifteen hundred dollars sound to you?"

Puckett's jaw drops in disbelief. "I don't understand."

"Well neither do I, but something says you could use this whole hell of a lot more than I do." I say, and it's true, I'm not rich, but I'm not hurting either, my parents saw to that when I was a child as did my Grandparents. I plunk down the roll on the bench and push it towards her with one finger. "It's yours."

"No way," She backs up and blinks at me. "You're gonna want something in return."

I shake my head, I get the same thing whenever I donate my winnings to anyone.

"Listen I always donate my winnings, to charity, to a homeless guy, whomever I think needs it most. Today that person is you Sam Puckett."

"Bull," she says loudly.

I sigh heavily and pull the roll of cash away and drop it in my bag.

"It's here if you need it."

Then I begin coughing violently blood flying into my still taped palm and I all too suddenly I lose consciousness as I lose control of my breath and the coughing. I don't feel the fall to the floor, or the girl pounding on my chest, screaming at me to wake up; after a while I do wake up, my eyes fluttering open to a pounding headache my vision slightly reduced by the blinding pain. I feel the cold concrete floor on my back, and feel the hum in my ears. I begin looking around slowly and speak up as much as I can.

I feel her slam into my ribs, all ninety some pounds of her, her eyes crazed with worry. I blink slowly and groan pointing to my bag.

"Side pocket, there'll be some pain meds in there. Get one will you." The croak of my voice scares her.

Passing out like that always makes my head scream so the doctor gave me medicine to take care of that. She gets the pills out and manages with shaky hands to get only one out of the bottle; she then helps me sit up and slips the pill past my lips.

"Sorry about that Puckett. Thanks for waiting for me to wake up."

"I called an ambulance, they're on their way."

I hang my head and groan loudly.

"Fucking hell," I sit there against the lockers looking at her. "There aren't any staff here are there?"

"Just the Promoter, he's waiting for the ambulance outside."

I try to stand but she pushes me back down. It's not that I let her do it. It's that I'm too weak to resist. "You're going to wait."

"I know what's wrong with me," I whine to her. "I've got stage two lung cancer, this is what happens sometimes."

She gapes at me and hits me in the arm, "Then why are you trying to pawn your money off on me."

"Because I don't need it," I try my best not to yell as I hear the march of the Paramedics down the hall.

I see the promoter bust through the door and the EMTs behind him as they rush to my side. I look at her with sullen eyes and let them help me up. I go through the whole spiel with them as I tell them about my lung cancer, my medicines, etc and watch as the Promoter shakes his head. The EMTs leave and the Promoter comes over to me.

"Billy, why didn't you tell us?" I shrug and look at him. "You got everything covered, you know Sal will chip in, he loves you like a son as does Ted."

"I've got everything covered man, I'm okay for now."

He looks at me as if to see if I'm lying and smiles."Just let us know if you do need anything, we're here."

He gives me pleasantries about needing a ride home, or a cab and I wave him off with a laugh the cough gone for now. He thanks Puckett and tries to shoo her out of the room.

"She's fine let her stay, I owe her for helping me." I say and he looks at me awkwardly as he leaves.

This time I pull the money out and yell, "Catch kid!" I then toss the roll to her and she catches it, shocked. "You deserve it for trying to save my ass."

"Trying?" She smirks, "I totally saved it."

I nod and smile, "Sure did."

She sits down next to me on the bench and prods me gently, "You never answered my question."

"Why do you want to know so badly?" I scoff and look at the floor. "I'm not going to live to see twenty three."

This makes her eyes and lower lip quiver. I didn't mean that to come out as harsh as it did. Then I feel her hit me again, pain sparks through my shoulder and I wince slightly.

"You hit hard for the tiny thing you are."

She hits me again and I laugh, which causes her to hit me again and ask, "Why are you so mean?"

"Because I'm dying of lung cancer," I roll my eyes. "The dying get certain privileges."

She hits me once for each word, "I'm trying to be nice to you, butt munch."

I grab her wrist and look her in the eyes, "I know and I'm sorry."

"Why are you so casual about your situation?" Puckett asks in a husky tone.

"According to a therapist I once talked to it's a defense mechanism; I call it coping and coming to terms." I shrug and don't understand why I'm talking to her about this, or why she cares so damn much. "Why do you care? …and I do mean that nicely."

"Because you impressed me out there," she says with a bit of flared ego, like I should take that as a compliment and I laugh. "You should be happy, that's hard to do."

I nod and pat her head as I turn to rummage through my bag for a shirt, I hear her groan as she kicks me lightly in the calf. I find my shirt and pull it over my head. I turn to look at her and sigh.

"I'm eighteen Puckett and I have eighteen months to a year at the absolute most."

This catches her off guard and she looks at the floor a bit ashamed. "Sorry."

"Don't be," I say and pat her knee. "You're not the one who decided to give me lung cancer at seventeen."

She looks up and puts her hand on mine. I let my head loll back and laugh. I managed a quick look at her out of the corner of my eye and she blushes."Don't tell me."

She looks at the floor, and I know it instantly, the poor girl wanted to come back here and ask me out. Instead of a "Rocky" romance she got a terminal cancer patient and a death scare. But at least she made out with a little over fifteen hundred dollars.I remove my hand and throw my arm around her shoulders, and jostle her doing so.

"Miss Puckett, did you come back here to ask me out?"

"NO!" She says dejectedly, trying to pull away. I don't let her.

I nod mocking her.

"How old are you?"

She mumbles her answer to the point to where I can't understand it, so I lower my ear to her lips. "Repeat that for me?"

"Seventeen," she groans and I giggle, I don't chuckle, I don't laugh I giggle.

I suddenly realize my pain meds are kicking in and that in part is probably why I'm putting up with this or perhaps it's because I genuinely like this scrappy young girl. I don't know, I don't really care, and I'm having fun.

"That's fantastic," I start to howl in laughter. "What if I had been a very young thirty?"

"I dunno," she shrugs and I slowly in my haze begin to realize that perhaps this wasn't so easy for her to do. "I'm stupid."

"No you're not," I shake my head. "Stupid people don't stay calm enough to save lives, and they sure as hell don't earn a little over fifteen hundred dollars of my money."

She still seems down as I bend to look into her downcast eyes, she turns them away and I take my free hand and slip a finger under her chin to raise her face towards mine. I look into her eyes and smile, "Hey Sam, thank you."

I cup her cheeks with my both my hands and cradle her face gently.

"Thank you for saving my life, and brightening my day."

"Stop being a goof," she says and I kiss her forehead gently. Why? I'm not sure.

I stand and she follows suit. I rub the back of my neck and look at her.

"Let me buy you lunch huh?"

She shrugs.

"So is this a date?" I see a smirk grow on her lips.

"Not till your eighteen, kiddo."

She stamps down on my foot and I let out a yelp.

"Quit calling me that! I'm not that much younger than you!" She walks away and I laugh.

"For that I'm only buying a side salad."

She turns her eyes rife with disbelief. "Don't even joke about that."

"Fine, I'll buy you a sandwich." I say, chuckling in amusement.

I poke my head into the Promoter's office and tell him 'goodbye' as we head out the back entrance to this old meat factory turned fight arena. I walk over to my car and slap my forehead as I turn to Puckett.

"How'd you get here?"

"Bus."

"Ah," I say and hit the unlock button on my keys. "Then I'll drive."

She slides into my car with a whistle, "Not bad Cohen."

"Yeah, it gets me around." I say and start the engine. "So Puckett, you get to pick where we eat."

She launches into a speech about this diner not too far from here that has great ham. I laugh and drive to it, listening to her go on about my car and ham. We arrive and I park turning off the engine. I put a hand on her shoulder.

"Wait here, just one second."

She furrows her brow and squints at me, "Fine but I want food in my belly now."

I gape at her in awe with a slight laugh. I realize I've laughed more today than I have in a few years, I think that Sam Puckett may be one of the best things to happen to me in a while. Of course I don't tell her this, and it makes me feel a little weird her being seventeen and all. I open my door and slide out of my car. I shut my door quickly and slide over my hood to her side of the car to open hers for her.

"Milady." I wave a hand as if to say after you and she grins up at me.

"This is so totally a date."

"Just trying to be nice to the _kid _who saved my life," I emphasize the word kid and she's about to hit me again but I put my hands up in the air. "Stop saying date and I'll stop calling you kid."

We get seated quickly and I look at the menu and decide on soup, not feeling very hungry after my match and that coughing fit. Sam looks at me and I notice the light in her blue eyes, and I catch myself before I start to think of how pretty she actually is.

"So Sam, tell me about you."

"Isn't this just lunch?" She quips back at me.

"Well if you don't want to be friends, I guess so." I say, waving for our server. "I'll have tomato soup and grilled cheese, and she'll have a BLT, extra bacon and fries?"

I shoot her a look and she nods with her mouth open as the waitress asks for drinks and I say water as Puckett nods along. Blankly she stares at me, and I quirk and eyebrow.

"What?"

"How did you know what I was going to order?"

"Magic," I laugh dramatically. She kicks me in the leg, and I jump at the pain. "Ow, dammit, you kept mouthing the word bacon!"

She scoffs and hits the table with her fist as she looks away, "Why couldn't you just say that you big doofus?"

I was flirting, plain and simple. I don't know why I'm even doing this besides the fact that she intrigues me and the way her blue eyes catch the light … I stop myself, and smile.

"I'm a big flirt."

I say and realize that wasn't what I meant to say at all, I look down at the table and feel my ears go hot with embarrassment. I can feel Puckett's wicked smile before I can see it, her eyes gleam with mischief and I admit to myself that it's quite sexy. I feel her foot on my calf, her shoe is off and I let my head hit the table as I sigh.

"Puckett, we've known each other about an hour or two now right?"

She doesn't say anything, but her foot rises up my leg and I reach down and grab her ankle. I apply a slight bit of pressure not enough to hurt her but enough for her to get the point and I hear her gasp. I feel her bare skin under fingers and smile, hoping she can't see it. It's smooth and soft under my fingers. I breathe slowly and hum loudly.

"Excuse me sweetie," I hear the waitress say nicely.

I raise my head so she can set the plate down and I let go of Sam's foot. When she leaves, I look at Sam. Her expression is so mischievous, I almost laugh.

"Stop please," I ask politely and she shakes her head. I quirk my head and look at her. "Why are you being so bold?"

She sticks her tongue out at me, and I chuckle. I start to eat and watch as Sam tears into her sandwich, apparently she was starving. She finishes quickly and I wave the server over and ask if she wants pie, she does so I order pie. Not just a slice, but an entire pie at her bequest. I sit and watch her eat, my appetite disappeared, not because of how she eats, but because my body is rejecting food. One of the many downsides to my many and varied medications.

I nod for her to close the box so we can go. I pay the check and escort her to the car, and let her in first.

We drive away and I watch her devour the rest of the pie. I end up driving along the freeway and realize I'm headed home, with a minor in my car. I sigh and look at her.

"Where do you want me to drop you off at?"

Sam lists off the street between mouthfuls of pie and I drive towards that general area.

A few silent, but not awkward minutes later she instructs me stop in front of a rather nice apartment building. I gear the car for park letting it idle, I pull out the receipt for lunch and a pen from my cup holder and scrawl down my number.

"Here."

I hand her my number and she laughs. "What's this?"

"My cell number, call me if you need me, I'm almost always free, unless I'm training." I say drumming my hands on the steering wheel deciding to say what I'm thinking. "Hey, uh … listen, Puckett, I really want you to know that I'm grateful for what you did back there. It means a lot."

She nods with that wicked smile. "I know."

I smile at her.

"When you turn eighteen you call me, I mean it and I'll take you out granted I'm still here." She frowns and I realize that what I said hurt her. "Fuck, call me tomorrow, we'll talk, and set something up. Now get out of here you big goof."

She punches me in the arm and I wave as she jumps out of my car and skips to the building.

I'm halfway home when I realize the pie box is still in my car. I pull over for a second and open the box to see a piece of paper with her number lying on top of a single slice of pie and I can't help but laugh.


	3. Chapter 2

_Sam-_

I ride the elevator up to Carly's apartment, dancing to the crappy elevator music because I'm excited. I know she won't be home yet, but I don't mind hanging with Spencer, he's super cool as it is, but I can't believe how easy that was with Billy.

I didn't think he'd be so weird, but he was super impressive fighting that guy and I still can't believe he's so young.

I can't believe he's dying. Eh, I can't think about that, I'm too happy to be sad.

The elevator dings and the doors slide open and I see Spencer grappling with a giant metal cube sculpture and screaming as he's somewhat pinned in the door way.

"No, no! Why, won't you do what I want you to?" I laugh and he whips around flinging his only free hand towards me. "Help me please! God it's got my arm!"

I take a run at the big block and throw my weight into it shifting off of his right side. Spencer collapses onto the floor continuing to scream at the sculpture. I throw out my hand to help him up and he takes it as he stands.

He awkwardly kicks at the cube and it shifts violently cracking the door frame. He screams again swinging his limbs around as I smile up at his goofiness.

"Looks like you did it again Spence."

"Gah! Stupid metal box! I hate you!" He kicks at it again and it comes crashing through the wall settling to a stop as we back up out of its way, "No, no, no! Oh, Carly is going to kill me!"

"Yup," I nod in agreement. "You got anything good to eat?"

"How can you think of food at a time like this?" He whines and pounds his fists into the block.

I shrug as I squeeze my way through the crumbling wall. "Cause, I'm hungry."

"I'm so screwed!" He screams into the hallway.

I walk over to the fridge and look inside, and find some unfinished nachos. I start snacking as I walk over the couch and flop down to watch some TV. I zone out as Spencer calls for repair men and movers, I don't notice that a couple of hours pass by, or the movers and repair men until Carly starts screaming.

I bound up off the couch and go racing to the crack in the wall. I squeeze through the gap and start laughing as Fredweird stares at the metal "monstrosity" as Carly calls it and pokes it gently. I punch him in the arm and he lets out a yell.

"What's up kids?" I ask them all.

"Do you see this?" Carly gawks at me as I nod. She turns to her brother. "How are you going to pay for this Spencer?"

"With the stupid money I earned off of this stupid thing," Spencer sulks as he mildly kicks the block again.

I laugh again and Carly turns her gaze towards me. "Where were you today?"

"Out," I say with a shrug.

"You can't just skip school, Sam." She says in her usual severe tone.

"So, not a big deal, I'll just borrow your notes."

Freddie shakes his head so I flick his ear.

This causes Carly to start screaming and we cover our ears. She tries her best to get into the apartment with her backpack and ends up flipping out and tossing it against an intact wall. Freddie looks around the hallway with concern on his face.

"Wonder why no one's out here to look at this."

I look at him and scoff, "You know everyone's used to this by now."

He nods with a shrug and tries his best to get into Carly's living room without falling.

I trip him as he squeezes through. My cell phone starts to buzz in my pocket and I pull it out, looking down at the screen at a number I don't recognize attached to a text message, I open the text, read it and then smile:

**Hi,**

**Thanks for a wonderful time today, I needed it. Hope you liked lunch.**

**ttyl,**

**Billy**

**P.S. Thanks again for saving my ass.**

It makes me chuckle that he's still thanking me for earlier and squeeze into the living room.

The fact he texted me the same day makes my heart speed up in my chest. I don't know why, but I want this to work out. I go to respond to Cohen's text and see Carly sitting on the couch suspiciously eying the empty to-go box.

"You ate my Nachos Sam!"

"Sorry, I had a hunger." I shrug and continue on with my reply.

Carly sighs at me as I flop down next to her, and continue on with my text. I smile and wonder what I should put, perhaps something sexy, or something funny, or maybe even smart ass. I don't want to be too forward, and I know he'll find it funny if I'm a bit of a smart ass.

I begin to nod my head silently as I begin to figure out what I'm typing:

'Sup Cohen, knew I had u hooked on this. Also maybe next time we hang out u shouldn't almost die. 'Sides, I thought it was against the rules for guys to get a hold of the girl same day?'

I hit send and realize Freddork is watching me, his brow furrowed that stupid look on his face makes me want to punch him.

"What you staring at nub?"

"Who are you talking to you," He asks thrusting his chin at me from the chair next to the couch.

I laugh at him, "Why should you care?"

I feel the phone buzz in my hands and I excitedly hit the ok button to open it, I feel Carly look over my shoulder as his text makes me smile like an idiot:

**Well when you got a countdown clock in your chest, time is something you learn to not waste on worrying Puckett. Besides, thought you'd like to know you were on my mind.**

**DYING for your response,**

**Billy**

I distantly hear Carly read it aloud and look at her shocked that she'd do that.

"Dying for your response?"

"Death humor," Freddie says with a scoff. "He must be pathetic and desperate."

"He's got lung cancer, stupid." I say and toss the dirty Kleenex box at him.

"No way," Carly says in a hushed tone.

"Yeah way," I nod my head as I watch Freddie stare at the floor dejectedly. "I met him at this MMA fight I went to today."

Carly lightly smacks my arm. "You should have come to school, and you know you can't afford to mess up much more."

"I will Carls, promise," I look her in the eye. "I just had to get some space."

She sighs and rubs my arm. "So how old is he?"

I muffle the answer slightly as I look back to my phone knowing it'll set her off, and that's when I hear Carly groan.

"Did you just say eighteen?"

I nod and start to text back, and Carly snatches the phone out of my hand making me wonder just what's up with her.

"Give it back!" I grab for my phone as she tosses it to Freddie who catches it and quickly tosses it back to me. "Smart boy for once."

"Freddie," Carly scolds.

He shrugs and looks at her, saying with his expression that he knew I'd hurt him and I would to, because he's a nub. I text Billy back quickly:

Busy, I'll text you back in a few minutes Cohen.

XO, Sam

I feel Carly looming over me and I dread what's coming, I know she's about to freak out. I hear Spencer yell at trying to get around the cube as the movers talk quietly about how to remove it. I laugh at his antics as I look back at Carly.

"So what if he's eighteen, I'll be eighteen in a month."

"How'd you even get into the fight?" Freddie asks. I shrug as I pull out a fake ID and toss it to him. He looked surprised. "No way, they actually bought this?"

"Sam, you can't afford to get arrested again." That was Carly.

"I had it from a while ago; I just had Rodney update the picture for me."

"Zelda Leuwiski?" Freddie asks absently. "There's absolutely, positively n-"

"That and twenty bucks and I got in," I interrupt him, nodding my head and he hands it back to me. "He's got some great moves too."

"Wait," Carly says holding her hands up, "You mean he was in the match?"

"Yeah," I nod and she falls down onto the couch as I hear Spencer from the kitchen chime in.

"Better be a nice guy," He says with a bit of bravado. "I'd hate to have to teach him a lesson."

He walks up to us with his chest pushed out and I laugh.

"He broke his opponent's ribs and nose before knocking him out."

Spencer wraps his arms around his chest and makes a painful expression. "Brutalness."

"He used that weird fighting stuff from those Batman movies."

Freddie freaks out a little and starts to ask if he can see him fight as Carly shoots him a look of disappointment and he looks at the floor in sadness. I smile at him because I think it's funny that he finds what Billy does awesome, and he should because it is awesome.

Spencer plops down on a stool and asks.

"Is he hot?" Carly looked over at him in shock but he just shrugged. "What? It's a very valid question Carly, as you know."

I nod my head with a satisfied smirk on my face and Spencer nods back squinting. Carly looks back at me and shakes her head.

"There's no way I'm allowing you to date an eighteen year old fighter."

"Well thanks mom," I say back to her as I stand up. "But I had lunch with him after his match, and he even gave me his winnings. He's so mine."

Spencer stands up in concern, "What did he ask in return?"

"Nothing, considering I saved his life," I say with a shrug, "He had a coughing fit and passed out so I ended up calling an ambulance."

"No way," Carly says standing up in front of me and I start to feel overwhelmed. "This isn't cool Sam."

Freddie groans and looks at Spencer. Carly looks over at him, "Shut it Freddie."

"What'd I do?" He whines.

"Why does it matter, he's a chill guy Carly," I tell her. "He's not psychotic, he even dropped me off."

I hear Spencer slap his forehead and laugh. Carly starts to wave her hands in the air.

"Great. Now we have to move."

"You know what, I don't need this," I say and work my way towards the gaping hole in her wall.

I notice the movers have finally begun moving the giant metal block and I shake my head. I send him a quick text to pick me up where he dropped me off as I ride the elevator down to the lobby and am mildly surprised that Carly didn't follow me. But I figure Spencer probably stopped her so I could cool down, it's the smart thing to do.

I'd never hurt Carly but I don't want to start yelling at her.

He texts me saying he'll be here in ten. I wait outside for him, angry over how Carly freaked out so bad over this. I can't believe she's being so weird about all of it. He's perfectly fine. Why does she have to be so damned bossy?

I feel my eyes start to tear up and just want him to be here already, for some reason he makes me feel better about myself.

I see his black car drive past me towards the next intersection, he does a quick turn into the parking lot entrance and rolls his passenger side window down. I rush over to his car and Billy quirks his head at me and tell me to get in and I do. Instead of backing out he drives forward into the garage and parks in a visitor spot rolling up the window.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, my friend's being weird." I say and sniffle a bit.

"Puckett, are you crying?" He asks and I immediately hit him hard in his arm. "I'm not crying. Something got in my eye, Cohen."

He nods. "Let me guess, they don't agree with you wanting to date me right?"

I glare at him and he just smiles.

"That's why I said not till you're eighteen."

I hit him again, harder than before and he looks at me with shock.

"Don't be a jerk Cohen."

"Want me to go talk to them?" He asks, rolling his eyes.

I nod vacantly as he pushes his door open, as he closes it I hear him yell, "You coming with me?"

I get out and walk up to him. He opens his hand as he holds it out to me and I take it. I let him lead me back to the lobby, past Lewbert and into the elevator. I hit the button and up we go. I feel his hand tentatively squeeze mine.

"That door guy was fuck ugly."

He says it out of nowhere catching me off guard and I laugh hysterically until the elevator dings on Carly's floor.

I feel my heart jump as the door's open and I hope Carly ends up liking him, I love her deeply but I don't know that I'd stop dating Billy over her.

Knowing that makes me feel rotten, but looking at him makes me feel great.

The movers have stopped moving the big cube thing again and are just watching Spencer try and tell them how to maneuver it around so they can get it to the freight elevator down the hall. I poke him in the ribs causing him to jump into the cube and yell loudly again.

"I want you to meet Billy."

We watch as Spencer flips over onto his back, smashed against the cube thing and looks at us funny. I glance at Billy's face and upon seeing his confused look it causes my smile to widen. I knew he was tall, but now I see he's just a few inches short of Spencer, and much bigger. I feel my skin flush at his muscular body turns me on a little.

Cohen tries to let go of my hand and I squeeze it tighter not wanting to let him go as I hear him sigh. Holding his hand is keeping me brave enough to face Carly, I feel rotten for being so stupid, and realize that Billy's a bit fearless. But then again he hasn't met Carly.

"I'm Billy Cohen," he says offering his other hand. "I'd greet you by name but Sam's neglected to introduce me to you."

Spencer starts to speak but his voice comes out squeaky and he quickly clears his throat trying to make it sound deeper.

"I'm Spencer Shay, I'm her friend Carly's older brother."

I watch Billy's smile fade as his face turns cold, I hear Spencer squeak as he grabs his wrist. I don't want Billy to hurt his so I dig my nails into his palm but he ignores the pain.

"You didn't make Puckett here cry did you Spencer?"

"No sir," Spencer shakes his head trying to hide his pain.

"Good," Billy says and releases Spencer's hand with a smile and begins laughing. "I'm sorry I had to do that. You just look so freaked out, and I just had to mess with you a bit."

Spencer starts laughing all crazy like. I realize he's doing it to get the point across that it wasn't funny. Billy frowns.

"Listen, I didn't mean to be a dick, seriously I'm sorry."

Spencer loosens up a bit and nods, "Its fine, heck of a grip you got there."

Cohen nods toward me with a smile. "It's nothing compared to Puckett's."

Spencer looks down at Billy's hand and sees his fingers going slightly purple. I look down too and loosen my grip a little.

I see Carly poke her head through the hole in her wall as her eyes go wide at seeing Billy and I nod smiling, knowing she's blown away by Billy.

Freddie comes rushing to her side and gasps audibly. God, what a dork he is.

I watch Billy's eyes as he looks over to them and smiles, his smile making me warm inside slightly, making me wish he was smiling at me.

Billy raises his free hand and begins to speak.

"Hi, I'm the probably psychotic eighteen year old, terminal lung cancer patient slash MMA fighter. My name's Billy, by the way."

I look to the floor and shake my head, I hadn't told him about the psychotic bit, but then again it'd be easy enough to figure out. I start to wonder what his favorite color is and sigh, trying to get my head back to the matter at hand.

Carly puts her hands on her hips and I know he's about to hear it from her and wish desperately he had just driven off with me.

"Who do you think you are?" She asks marching up to him.

Trying her hardest to match his height, he stands above me by almost six inches, and Carly may be taller than I am but she isn't that tall.

"Billy Cohen of Seattle,Washington, late of Columbus, Nebraska, the orphaned son of Thomas and Mary Cohen, of Cohen Kosher Farms fame." He asks her in doubt.

She nods her head in defeat. "Well yeah."

I stare up at him in utter disbelief of what he just said.

"Wait your family owns Cohen Kosher Farms?"

"Technically," He says with a shrug and I can't help but gawk at him.

This revelation almost solidifying it for me, I want to marry this man.

"How rich are you?" I blurt out and I watch him smile sheepishly.

He holds up his other hand and holds his thumb and pointer finger a half inch from each other.

"Just a little," He laughs. "But this is why I don't tell people, because now I've got to make sure you're not in it for the money."

Carly smacks him in the chest, and then once more making him flinch. She grabs her hand slightly and whimpers, evidently not expecting his chest to be as hard as it actually was.

"Don't question her honor."

I smile at her and realize even though we can both be stubborn and over protective, that she's just trying to watch out for me, the big goof.

Billy stands there rubbing his chest and looks at me, a deep caring in his eyes that suddenly makes me want to kiss him. I shake the thought from my head quickly as I hear him speak.

"What is it with you guys and the abuse? Man, I don't get hit this much in the ring."

Freddie speaks up, his eyes glazed over with his stupid nerdiness.

"Sam said you know Keysi."

He makes me want to punch him and I start to, but Billy gently pulls me to him, slips his arm behind me, my hand still in his, taking care not to hurt me. I watch him look at Freddie and nod.

"Cost me a pretty penny but yeah I do, how about I teach you sometime."

Freddie gawks at him, his mouth hanging open, making me want to punch him all the more. He's such a nerd.

I let my head rest on Billy's chest and feel the warmth of his skin under his shirt. I want him alone now. That thought makes me feel guilty because I know they're my friends, but I've got this burning growing in my gut and it's telling me I need him alone and now. So I tug on his arm gently, and he glances at me and winks, I let go of his hand knowing I'll get his attention as I slide his hand into my back pocket.

He clears his throat awkwardly and gives my butt a light squeeze, and suddenly my hearts pounding in my chest and I want him to kiss me as my skin burns with desire.

I see Spencer eyeing me and shrug, hoping to throw him off of what I did. It doesn't work and he clears his throat.

"Keep those hands where I can see them please."

Billy nods and pulls his arm up around my shoulders, putting me in a gentle headlock. He nods towards the cube and smiles.

"Need some help there Spencer?"

Spencer throws himself against the cube thing. "Thank God!"

Cohen gently pushes me towards Carly as we watch him step up towards the cube thing. He surveys it positioning himself at a corner of it. He slams his shoulder into it making the thing shake, and a large rattling sound comes from inside.

Billy looks at Spencer and laughs. "What's in here?"

"Jelly beans," Spencer nods with a goofy smile of achievement.

Billy and Carly sigh at the same time. Then Billy throws his weight into it his legs driving into the floor, I watch as his jaw clenches and he begins to yell. But the giant box of jelly beans is moving. He motions for Spencer and the Movers to come help him pivot the thing into the hallway as Carly and I back up away from it.

I feel her hand on my arm, her nails digging into my arm as they manage to push the box down the hallway.

"You didn't tell me he was ripped," she whispers.

"You wouldn't let me," I whisper back, with a smile knowing, for once, she's jealous of me.

"He's really hot, Sam," she says not able to take her eyes off of him.

I lift my free hand and gently move her head to face me.

"I know," I say looking at her. "And he's mine, so stop staring at him."

She mumbles an apology as I pat her arm gently. I look at his butt as he pushes the box and sigh, it's awesome.

Then I hear, of all things, and of all the people Freddie say with a sing song voice.

"He's dreamy."

Carly busts out laughing.

I march over to him and stomp on Fredward's foot. "Weirdo."

I walk over to the couch and sit down propping my feet up on the table. I can't help but think of Billy, and him squeezing my butt.


	4. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: So I want to thank all of those who have subscribed, favorited and reviewed my story so far: lazyjoanff, Flutter360 and of course my wonderful Beta Reader SeddieBennett. Remember if you read this, and you enjoy, heck even if you don't, let me know in a review so I can better serve you guys. Thank you again, User1-FlynnK**  
_

_Billy-_

"Goddamn this box is heavy Spencer," I say and push it towards the open and, thank God, waiting freight elevator. "What convinced you it was a good idea to preload it with jelly beans?"

He stops pushing and stands still as he begins to rub his chin. I slip slightly against the box.

"Dude, please. Think later."

"Oh right." He laughs.

I'm already convinced this man might be special needs. But he seems alright, just might not think things all the way through.

As I push I hear the heave of the elevator under the weight of the box and can't help but think of Puckett pulling that stunt in front of them. I shake my head clear as the Movers thank us for helping them move it.

I offer my further assistance with a small cough as they decline. I sincerely hope I don't have another coughing fit. Last thing I want is to pass out with my meds back at my loft.

I feel Spencer's hand on my back. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Hopefully," I say and lean against the wall. "Why'd you build a big candy machine?"

"I got paid to. I'm a sculptor."

He nods as if that was a logical conclusion, but I can't bag on him too much.

"So Spencer," I say throwing my arm around his shoulders."Sorry about before."

"Ah, it's fine," he says waving it off. "You were just looking out for Sam."

I nod.

"That took a lot out of me, don't tell her okay."

He stops moving and leans me against the wall again.

"She knows you're sick. Why are you trying to hide it?"

I smirk as I say this, not knowing why I'm trying to hide the weakness I'm feeling from her. "It's not her problem, Spencer. I don't want to burden her with it."

"How sick are you?"

"Like I told her, eighteen months to a year at the most, but if the radiotherapy lucks out and I manage to go into remission, five maybe six years at best." He takes a sharp breath in."I don't want her to be crushing on me like this and… I don't want to die on her."

Spencer eyes me carefully, I can only wonder at what he's thinking.

"So what are we gonna do about it amigo?"

I chuckle and feel my breath stop stinging as bad.

"I plan to at some point show her my radio therapy and its effects on me, and how many pills I have to take a day. Possibly have her talk to my doctor."

He nods again.

"You seem like a good man, we'll figure this out."

"Until then, don't tell her," I say as Spencer helps me down the hall.

"Naw, we should show her," he says logically. "It might help."

I know he's right, but I don't want to see the concern on her face, I'd rather her not care than to look at me with worry.

In truth I haven't dated since I found out, I don't want to burden anyone, I don't want them to hate me in the end when I can't wipe my own ass, or get out of bed. So I let him carry me in and sit me down in a rather comfortable arm chair in front of the gaping hole that was their door.

I try to avoid Sam's eyes, but I see it there, that growing concern, that nagging worry; the others have it too, but not as bad, she must have told them I'm sick.

Dammit, I'm fucked.

Spencer calls the other two into the kitchen area, and I realize I don't really know their names, I figure the girl is Carly, but the boy is beyond me, he seems weird.

I watch Sam come over to me and sit gently on my lap. I really don't want this to happen. But I can feel my heart thud at her touch, at the weight of her on me, and I know whether I talk big or not, I'm going to allow it.

She brings her full, soft lips near to my ear and whispers, "You okay Billy?"

Hearing her say my first name makes my heart skip a beat and I lean my head against her cheek. I breathe deep and answer as honestly as I can.

"Not really, that took a lot out of me."

Sam moves her hand to my chest and rubs it gently.

"You didn't have to help."

Yeah I did too, they never would have gotten that thing around correctly, they'd have wasted a day and money that I know they probably don't have on them.

So I tell her, "I know."

She thanks me and kisses my ear. I feel my breath hitch and my heart pound hard.

I close my eyes and try hard to not let my emotion get to me. I don't want her to see me like this and I don't want her to care about me like this. But knowing that she does, knowing that I'm starting to care about her makes it known in my heart that I'm doomed.

I'm going to have to get used to this.

I feel her lips move against my ear as she tells me to rest and sits up, resting my head on her chest. I breathe in again and smell her scent, a light airy perfume mixed with the smell of bacon from earlier and it makes me smile.

I can hear her heart racing, pounding like a thousand hammers on a thousand anvils as she strokes my cheek. I feel slightly sleepy, and very comforted.

I feel the vibration of her speech in her chest, and it makes me aware that I'm falling asleep.

"What's for dinner, Spence?"

I swim my way out of my haze.

"Pretty sure they didn't invite me to stay for dinner Puckett."

I hear Carly speak up.

"You have to, you helped move that metal monstrosity, and we owe you."

I want to groan, to protest, but I know it won't work. S

am wouldn't let me move if I wanted to, and I don't mind too much. I haven't been this close to anyone that wasn't beating the hell out of me in almost two years. I've run all over the world, finally settling here, because I ran of places to go, and I like rain.

But now I feel somewhat that I was led here, more than just ended up here. I let out a heavy breath and let myself fall away to the beat of her heart and what a heart she has.

"I think he's asleep." I hear the boy say mildly.

I listen as Sam growls, I think she likes him, but just finds him annoying. I can't tell yet.

"So what if he is," she snaps. "I think he's earned it."

I just sit. I don't care if they think I'm asleep or not. I think that I may take a nap on Sam's chest, or perhaps just let myself rest and listen. I love the way she strokes my cheek, gentle but firm, with a care I don't understand.

"If you really want to date him," I hear Spencer, concern wavers his voice as he tries to be rational. "You have to realize the chances are pretty big against him not getting any better."

The words hurt, but I expected them.

I pray that he says more, that this be the last time I see her even if it makes me hurt not to see her again even if it kills me. To die that way would almost be preferable to my eventual fate. I can feel her breathing become shallow and quick. Her heart is now beating wildly at the suggestion.

"I can hope," she says weakly.

Carly speaks up.

"C'mon Sam, he's a great guy, as far as I can tell, but really?"

"Stop you guys." It's the boy again. "The guy's dying at eighteen years old. I think he deserves a little bit of happiness in his life."

"Freddie," Carly whispers, she's not being critical, just concerned.

"Did you not hear him, his parents are dead, and the guy gets lung cancer, and no doubt an expiration date," he says pleadingly. For some weird reason this kid is coming to bat for me and I'm not sure why. "He's definitely gotten the crappy end of the stick, not to mention the amount of medication and chemo he's going through, Carly."

I hear a sob rise from Sam's chest and I gently and slowly move my hand to her thigh squeezing it gently. I don't want her to cry, I've tried to face all of this before, but it crushed me and I ran.

The boy… What's his name again? Anyway, he's right and I know it.

But I also know they're all right in one way or another. What really sticks with me is that they're all trying to look out for Sam, and I feel so good that she has something to support her.

Spencer speaks up again, his tone dull but hopeful. "There's always the chance of remission."

The boy agrees quickly and Carly sighs heavily and suddenly I feel my stance with them slipping to Sam's.

I force myself not to smile as she gives in, and tells Sam she'll be there for her no matter what, and that she guesses if that is to include me, then she'll be there for me too. I feel a tear roll down the bridge of my nose, and I don't understand how this is happening, so quickly.

I'm so overwhelmed, and I can't for the life of me understand the sudden caring they have for a complete stranger, for someone so damned.

I let out a soft sob and I know at least Sam knows I'm awake as I feel her hug my head tightly covering my eyes with her hand. There's no way she can know me so well, but she does.

Perhaps I'm just too easy to figure out.

I don't know and at this moment I don't care as she slowly begins to rock me back and forth and I do eventually fall asleep.

But it isn't for long as I smell food wafting through the air and Sam whistling at it.

I groan slightly at the headache I've accrued from holding back my tears. I hear laughter in the kitchen and then slight screams and I stand quickly sliding Sam to the floor.

Spencer's batting at the stove with a towel trying to quell a small fire.

I rush over to them and for some reason I start to blow air at the flame, it seems like the logical thing to do and it actually works.

The flame dies quickly and I hear Sam behind me. "Damn, Superman."

Carly scolds her for her language and I lean against the counter.

"How bout I take everyone to dinner?"

The boy at least agrees with me at first, as does Sam. Spencer looks dejected for catching fire to his food and Carly just shakes her head.

We end up going out with Spencer escorting Carly and Freddie, as I find out his name is.

The dinner goes well and we get to know each other. I find out they run a highly popular web show that's been nominated for awards. I regale them well about some of my adventures around the world, saving most of them for Sam.

I find the four of them intriguing. I can't understand how these people are so generous of heart and soul.

We finally finish and I manage to hide the bill from them, telling them I have to use the restroom I walk off and pay it. I do go to the restroom, to look in the mirror and try and reassert my view that this isn't going to work out.

But I can't, something deep inside me tells me to have a faith I haven't had in a long time, perhaps it's time to start believing again.

I exit after a few moments and see Sam leaning against the wall next to a payphone, the dark color of the oak paneled wall really highlights how much she stands out, and the dim lighting makes her hair a golden color. She smirks at me and I smile back, every time I see that smirk a shiver runs down my spine, even though I don't want to admit it.

"You paid the bill," she tosses the words at me.

"Uh … yeah I did," I say slowly. "That or they just charged me for nothing."

She motions for me to come close to her, wriggling her finger at me, and I oblige.

I feel my heart leap at the look in her eyes, and I prepare myself for what I know is coming. As I come close to her I rest a hand against the wall as she grabs my shirt and pulls me down to her and kisses me. She tastes slightly of pizza and of a faint lip gloss that has worn off of her soft, full lips, and I slip my other arm around her waist and pick her up a little off the ground and return the kiss as I close my eyes.

My skin vibrates with sensation, my heart beats wildly, telling a savage, primal tale in its beats, and I lose myself in the kiss.

She lets go of my shirt and laces her arms around my neck, and lets out a slight moan as I push off from the wall my now free hand finding its place to support her firm beautiful butt. She pulls away to look me in the eyes, my breath heavy and matching hers full of sudden lust.

I feel my heart slow down and I croak out words the best I can.

"We … uh … we should probably rejoin your friends."

She kisses me again, fast and softly, but without the hunger from before.

"Yeah probably."

We stand there a few moments more and she screws up her face at me.

"You can set me down now."

I shake my head and gently squeeze her butt. "Beautiful."

Sam quirks an eyebrow at me, I can't help but smile at her.

"What is?"

"You are," I say and let her drop slowly to the ground.

Wondering again if my words had the power I meant for them to have, I walk away before I can tell, towards our table and towards her friends.

I crook my elbow out for Sam to slip her arm through mine and she does leaning her head onto my arm.

Dare I dream that this girl cares for me? It must be a miracle.

We sit back down at the table for a few minutes longer and talk about dinner, as I apologize for taking so long. Sam blurts out that I paid the check and they grumble about giving me money and I turn them down. We all begin to part ways as we go for the parking lot.

Suddenly a fire in my skin tell me I don't want to be alone, that I don't want to quite part ways with Sam yet.

As we exit I stay back as Sam says goodbye to her friends, and I can hear Spencer suggesting not staying out too late with me, and I happen to agree. But I don't think I would pry myself away from her company if I could. Carly chimes in about school and Sam promises her she'll be there. I agree with this as well.

The finally part ways as I watch Sam bound back to me and leap into my arms. I kiss her lightly, slowly and let her back down. I look down into her dazzling blue eyes with a smile.

"Off to home with you."

She puts a strong palm in my chest and gets serious. "No."

"Home now, I'll drive." She keeps her hand pressed into my chest. I just look at her and feel exasperated. "What do you want to do then, Puckett?"

"You," she manages to say in a husky tone that sets me on fire.

"That's not on the menu tonight," I say and try to out maneuver her hand.

But she keeps me planted there her eyes locked onto mine and it drives me crazy. I want to take her, but I only just met her and this can't be right. I almost go into explaining this but don't. Somehow I know it's useless.

"You told me that when you have so little time left it's something you learn not to waste," she quips at me.

I roll my eyes not knowing how I didn't see that coming.

"That can wait, for at least a little while," I plead with her in futility and I know it, but I can still try.

"No," she gets extremely close to me. Her hand falls down my chest, her fingers skimming my abdomen and gently tugs at my belt. "Let's not waste time."

"I've never …" I try to speak, but words fail me and she smiles that wicked, promising smile.

She slips her fingers past my belt and into my pants.

"Neither have I."

I can't control that lustful animal in me, the one that wants what I thought I'd never allow myself to have. I want her. I want to experience her, to taste her, but I know I can't right now. I can't be doing this, she's not even eighteen, and my mind starts to burn as she drags me to my car.

I open my mouth to protest, but all I can get out is garbled. I reach for her wrist and take it carefully, stopping her.

"Not tonight."

She pouts at me, sticking her lower lip out at me.

"Why not?"

I tap my chest with a finger and her eyes go wide.

"Not today, but soon."

She beams at me and I can feel the warmth of that smile radiate into my body as if I was standing in under the sun on a bright day.

I thumb the button on my keys and open her door, and I watch the way she moves, slowly biting my lower lip feeling like a tool. I slip into the driver's seat as I look over at her. Sam's playing with her hands as they lay in her lap.

"So," She trails off avoiding my eyes. "Does this mean that you're taking me home?"

I sigh as I start the engine, watching another young couple bounce towards the restaurant with excitement and realize I need this more than I ever believed. I let my head fall back onto the head rest.

"Only if you want me to."

I see her light blue eyes glance at me, a shakiness in them, perhaps worry and doubt. I put my right hand on her thigh, rubbing my thumb on her green khaki board shorts and she looks down at my battered knuckles.

She finally looks at me. "Do you not like me?"

I smile at her incredulously.

"Wouldn't be here if I didn't like you, Sam."

I pull out of the parking spot and head back to my loft. I think we should spend some private time together, get to know one another a little more personally.

As I pull into the parking garage of my building I see her perk up a bit, curiosity growing on her face and I realize, rather slowly, that I wouldn't mind her being with me when it all ends.

I watch her as she looks over at me.

"Where are we?"

"My place," I say.

I get out and plan to open her door for her, but by the time I'm out she's already waiting for me.

I pull out my cell phone and glance at the time, hoping it's not too late at night. I do actually hope she makes it to school.

As we walk over to the resident elevator I listen quietly to the hum of the florescent lights and the street traffic outside. I swipe my key fob and we go up to my place in silence and as the elevator door opens into my apartment I almost collapse into it feeling at home for the first time in ages.

I toss my keys onto the counter and fall onto my couch. I wonder what she's thinking and can't help but watch as she surveys the place. She touches my posters, and statues, running her fingers over everything experiencing it and looks back at me.

"You can afford this place?"

"I afforded it a long time ago," I say and cough lightly, knowing I over did it today and will be suffering all week.

"What's the rent on a place like this?"

"No, I own it," I say as I look for my stereo remote.

She gawks at me.

"Shut up, you do not."

"I wasn't lying about my parents," I say as I find it and turn it on, a low hum of classic jazz pipes through it and I switch it to something more modern thinking of Sam's tastes. "My parents died when I was eight and they left me everything they had."

"How," she asks sitting down next to me.

I see her expression as she sinks into the couch a bit.

"Car accident, tractor trailer driver fell asleep at the wheel, crossed three lanes and caught them between the median and his cab." I look into her eyes as she frowns. "My dad, he was a majority shareholder with my Uncle and I never realized how much we had until earlier this year."

I feel her tight grasp as she takes my hand in a squeeze and leans up to kiss; I meet her lips and feel my heart stutter with my mixed bag of emotions. After we part she looks up at me.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault."

"But I am." Sam looks down at my hand and runs the fingers of her other hand over my knuckles as she squeezes them with the other. "You were awake back at Carly's weren't you?"

I nod with a slight smile, remembering what they'd said about me. All of it true and all of it sad. I don't know how to feel in this kind of situation but I'm trying my best cope as it comes at me.

I look at her, marveling at her beauty and let my head fall back onto the couch.

"Why didn't you say anything then?"

"Puckett … Sam, I think you're great, but there are things that I go through that I don't want you to have to put up with," I stare at my ceiling and the steel rafters above my head wishing I wasn't so conflicted. "There are things I'm going to go through that will be horrific and I don't want you to see me that way."

I feel the smack of her hand on my chest as she laughs.

"You're a wimp."

"I'm afraid," I admit it, first time I've admitted to anyone other than my reflection in a mirror and it horrifies me to my core. I want to cry suddenly but I know I shouldn't. "I'm afraid of what's coming."

"Cohen," She says grabbing my ear lobe and pulling hard, trying to get me to look at her. The pain shoots through my temple and I oblige, "We're all here for you, but I want to be here for you."

I try and stand up, but she yanks me back down, and I can't for the life of me figure out how she's so strong,

"You've known me for less than a whole day, how can you want this?"

Her expression doesn't change.

"Because I do."

"Why?"

"I don't know, but I know I want to be here with you." She says not letting me avoid her gaze. "What's there to be afraid of?"

I can't answer that question, because I know the answer, and I don't fear the crippling pain of the cancer, or the bed ridden last days of my life because I won't let that happen to myself, what I fear is sitting right next to me.

I fear getting close to someone and not having the will to do what is necessary when the time comes.

"I know you can't be afraid of pain, Billy," she tells me what I already know, and I feel a pang of mental pain at how transparent I am. "So, what are you afraid of?"

I feel my eyes go wide and the tears start to come, I've avoided people for almost a year, allowing only a few a bit of my time like Ted or Sal.

I let out a sob and feel the answer rip at my throat, I don't want to tell her, I don't want her to know I'm more afraid of being with someone, of getting close to them than I am of dying, it seems like such a pussy thing to be afraid of.

But I know it's coming out one way or another, so I brace myself for it and lower my lips as close to Sam's ear as I can.

"You."

It was a simple answer, very quick and very short. Also precise and potentially, very damaging.

I fear the worse as I close my eyes as she lets go of my hand and pushes away from me. I fall back with no resistance, and the first hit to my jaw takes me by surprise taking me off of the couch and to the floor.

As I land I smack my head on the hard concrete and stare up with open eyes, full of shock at what she did to me.

"What the fuck?"

"Quit being a pussy," she growls as she kicks me in the legs, still sitting on my couch. She slides off on top of me and starts punching me in the chest. To no avail, I may add. "Why are you so stupid?"

I try and grab her fists but she's so damn quick, I have trouble and even looking at her for fear I may get hit in the face. She throws a leg over my waist and straddles me, grabbing me by the ears she pulls me up to her.

I prop myself up on my elbows and wince at the amount of pain she's put me in.

Then she kisses me. Full and deep, thrusting her hips against mine and wrapping her arms around my neck and head. Breaking our kiss as she rests her forehead on mine.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No."

"Then why are you being so stupid?" She asks me with heavy breath as she rocks her hips against mine making me shake a bit at the feeling.

"I don't know."

And that's the truth, I don't know why I'm being stupid.

"Then stop." Sam says it as if it's so simple and it may very well be. But happiness hasn't always been my thing. "Now kiss me, you big goof."

I kiss her, letting a moan escape my mouth as she grinds away on me, making me hard, making me burn with want and animal desire. I pull her lower lip into my mouth and gently bite it causing a pleasure filled gasp to filter out of her half opened mouth.

I let her lip go and kiss her neck, bending my head slightly, and risking holding myself up on one arm to move her hair behind her ear.

I kiss her gently, and feel her heart beat under my lips, and it makes want to take her here on the floor. I hear her moans and gasps as I kiss and nip at her neck, I hear her call my name and tell me to take her, but I push away not knowing that I could handle that right now.

"No," she groans and is still bouncing on me. "Don't stop, Billy."

"I told you why."

I didn't necessarily tell her the truth, but it does worry me.

"What if I do all the work?" She looks down into my eyes, thrusting her hips again, causing me to gasp. "Please?"

"Sam," I smile at her, and she pouts with all the cuteness she can muster, and that is a greater amount than I can stand.

But I don't give in, I try and shift my position on the floor so I sit normally but Sam fights me pressing her hips into mine and the feeling of her so close, so warm and beautiful, pushes my limits of resistance.

"I like the way you say my name," she says. For once I can sort of see her tough girl thing drop, and I like it. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I can tell she does when she closes her eyes and smiles. "That surprisingly felt good."

I laugh and squirm out from under her, thumbing the code into my phone I see my alarm and realize I need to take some meds.

I turn my head towards the bathroom feeling her tug at my jeans."What's wrong?"

"Time for medication," I tell her walking to the bathroom. I listen to her cautious footsteps as I push open my bathroom door.

The lights flicker on in response to the motion and in a dim white light my many medications sit in full view and I listen for her gasp, which doesn't come. I pull a few out of the crowd of bottles and begin taking them, dry swallowing as many as I can before needing water for a larger pill.

I finish and without turning around.

"I do this twice a day, once at five in the morning, and at seven pm. I take almost twelve pills, including antibiotics, pain medications, vitamins and other assorted chemo related aids."

I look in the mirror, not at her but at myself and I can see her hand covering her mouth which makes me want to retch at how horrific the image of my bathroom counter is. I don't want to think about what this looks like to her but I'm going to keep talking to fill the sickening silence.

"I do chemo once every two weeks, since I'm stable they're trying to keep me that way while they try and eradicate the cancer in my lungs and lymph nodes." I explain.

There's still silence and I can see that Sam is pretty much at a loss for words. I refuse to turn around and face her.

"I've managed to stay away from anemia, and most of the immune related side effects," I continue to speak to the mirror before me. "But to make sure I don't get an infection anywhere I'm pumped full of the goddamned antibiotics. I can barely eat for throwing up most times. I have no appetite and eat mostly soup and salad when I can eat."

Not feeling certain she'd stick around for much longer after all this, I sigh.

"I'm as sterile as a rock, and suffer from neurological issues that cause me immense pain and muscle spasms in my legs and back hence the large amount of pain medication."

I bow my head and I can't look her in the eye. I can't even look myself in the eye.

"Last but not least, my concentration has been shot to shit because of my treatments and excessive hair loss."

"How-"

She begins to speak and I try not to snap, I will myself not to start screaming, not to break things and rage against my own destroyed body.

But I fail as I slam my fist into the wall mirror, and again, and again until I feel the glass dig into my skin and my blood run down my fingers.

I sweep my arms across the counter knocking everything that's not my medication off onto the floor and into my tub, and I lose control and start screaming as I fall to my knees and punch the exposed tank of my toilet, breaking my hand and the porcelain tank sending water everywhere.

Looking at my hand I can see the misshapen lumps of shattered bone and some torn skin bleeding my cancerous radioactive blood and I scream insane curses and slurs up at my ceiling, aiming them for God, aiming them to whatever is listening up there and the tears come, and the anger grows to hatred, the hatred I feel for myself, the gnawing monster I deal with every day.

"You want to be with this?"

I rip my shirt open, knowing the red radiotherapy mark is still there, knowing she didn't notice because I was still red, and sweaty from my fight.

"Look at this, I'm dying, my body is literally eating itself."

I see her tears through my hazy vision, through the pain in my hand and the emotional pain on her face I snap back to myself.

"I need a doctor," I hold my hand up and I hear the gasp I was expecting before. "I'm pretty fucked up, Sam."

"You broke your hand," she says, sounding choked up, grabbing my arm to look at it.

"I wasn't talking about my hand, babe."

She looks up at me her eyes teary and full of shock.

"You didn't run away."

She shakes her head looking into my eyes, "You popped a vein in your eye."

"Fuck me," I turn to look at it, "I look like a monster."

"It's cool looking," she smiles at me inspecting my eye. "It's all red and demonic looking."

I laugh and move my good hand to her face, cupping her cheek in my palm.

"Thanks for not running."

"Why, because you got angry," she shrugs, letting go of my wrist, and I cradle it against my chest.

"Because I was being a child," I say looking her in the eyes, "Because I threw a giant tantrum that ended up with about two grand worth of damage to my bathroom."

"No problem," Sam shrugs it off like it's nothing, like she gets what I'm feeling. "Life's unfair, sometimes we need to vent, and you deserve it."

"What I don't deserve, is you."

And she gut checks me making me cough as I lose air again.

"Stow it with that wimpy stuff, Billy," she smiles at me, "I'll just keep hitting you if you don't."

Through hungry gasps of air I smile and tell her.

"Who's to say I don't like the violence."

Sam rolls her eyes.

"You're a big weirdo."

I realize I'm in no way good to drive myself to a doctor, but in no way in need of an ambulance.

"Can you drive?"

"Yeah."

She answers too fast for my liking and I shake my head.

"I'll call Teddy, he'll take you home."

"Okay, two things," she says stopping me from using my cell phone. "One who's Teddy? Two, don't even think I'm not coming with you to the hospital."

I groan loudly.

"There's not much time here for arguments." I feel her hands in my pocket snatching my phone away from me, and I love the way her hands feel that close to me but I dislike this ultimatum thing we've got going here. "Teddy is my trainer. Fine, just call your… parents?"

"Okay, I'll call my mom, and tell her one of my friends is-"

I shush her as I grab my cell phone out of her hands.


	5. Chapter 4

_Sam-_

I hang up the phone with my sleeping mother finally, and I'm finally able to sit with Billy and chew on some gum he gave me, I watch him breathe as he deals with the pain in his hand, his jaw is clenching and I just want to kiss him.

I don't usually like boys, most are stupid and boring. But Cohen here, is about as messed up as me in some areas.

Marveling at his bright red eye, I catch him looking at me, I guess I didn't notice he was looking back.

"What's wrong Sam?"

"Nothing," I take a second to look at his eye bit more. "Just looking at that gnarly eye you got there."

He chuckles at me and starts to inspect his hand, and minutes pass as we wait for his trainer Teddy to get here.

Ted lives close to the same neighborhood I do so it's a bit of a drive for him to get over here. But then again that's why I practically live at Carly's, other than the company and food of course.

My stomach grumbles and I realize I'm hungry and that this gum just isn't cutting it right now.

I hear the elevator before he does and laugh that his trainer has a key thing for the elevator. Suddenly I get that it's not going to be easy to get in here without him knowing.

But I can fix that.

I hear the doors open and don't expect the old gruff voice that comes from the elevator.

"So I hear you fucked your hand up with a match two weeks away?" He stops short at seeing me. "Who's this Billy, your kid sister?"

Who does this guy think he is? Martin Short? I glare at him from where I'm sitting.

Billy laughs and shakes his head.

"This is my girl."

"Hey, I never realized you were one to play that kind of field," Teddy says backing up. "If I'd known that …"

He lets that last bit trail off as to save my precious ears, so I speak up.

"I turn eighteen in April, just a month away." Billy glances at me, his eyes dark with pain and suspicion. "I'm not lying okay, I really am."

I grab for my wallet and thumb out my very real state ID and hand it to Teddy as he comes close to me.

"I'll be damned, and you ain't lying. Hey don't I know you from somewhere?"

I perk up. There's no way he'd know about our famous web show. It's not for old people.

"iCarly?"

He waves me off as he thinks. "Is Pam your mother?"

I sigh and he laughs.

"Did you date her?"

"God no kid, she totaled my car last year."

He shakes his balding head jovially, although I don't understand why he he's happy about my mom totaling his car. I'd be so pissed off about that.

"Why are you happy about that?" Billy asks, and I smile at him.

He winks at me through the pain, meaning he had the same idea.

"My ex-wife wanted that piece of … that very fine vehicle," he corrects himself and walks over to Billy to inspect his hand. "I bought that woman a year's worth of steak."

I inhale quickly.

"That was you?"

He nods.

"You're welcome, I ended up at your place a few days later to say thank you, you were there and I asked how I could repay her, well you know."

I look at Billy and he's staring at a point on his ceiling silently praying or something. I wonder what he thinks of all of this. But really what I want is for his hand to not be broken so I can hold it, so I can feel it on me as he rubs my cheek. I stop myself thinking that.

Those kinds of thoughts tend to make me uncomfortable, and I've never really found myself to be all that sexy, even though I talk a big game.

"You did yourself in here, pretty boy," Teddy says and slaps Billy in the face playfully. "What the hell was you thinking."

"He wasn't," I blurt it out before he can and he smiles at me. "If you think that's bad check out his bathroom."

Teddy raises and eyebrow at me and walks slowly towards the bathroom.

"Goddamn kid. Did the mirror look at your girl wrong and the toilet feel her up?"

He laughs and stops, realizing what he said. He crosses himself slightly and utters what I think to be a Hail Mary.

This makes me laugh and Billy laughs sarcastically.

"He threw a tantrum, the big doof butt."

"Doof butt?" they both ask it at the same time and I smile.

"Idiot maybe," I shrug.

"Oh hey, that reminds to ask you why you thought it were a good idea to hold back the fact you got the dead man's crud in your lungs," Teddy asks becoming instantly serious, and it's a little scary seeing the anger in his eyes. "How the hell are you even able to fight with chemo running through your veins?"

"Makes me feel alive, and the better shape I'm in, the better I can handle things," Billy lays it down like he has everything handled, which I know to be bull.

"Yeah, ask Mister Porcelain and Mister Glass in there how well you got things handled Billy boy," Teddy pokes Billy in the chest. "You're lucky I love you, because I want to beat the hell outta you myself for keeping me outta the loop for so long."

"I'm sorry Teddy."

He says it and he means it, the guilt's all over his face, and I find it amazing he's willing to apologize.

"Now let's get your dumb-" Teddy looks at me and sighs."Let's get you to a hospital, you colossal schmuck!"

Teddy drives us to the nearest hospital making me sit in the back seat alone. But I don't mind as Teddy is keeping an eye on Billy in the passenger seat. His radio playing Old Italian music, so I figure I'll impress him by singing along.

So I begin to sing and he jerks his head around to look at me.

"Are you making them words up kid?" I shake my head and continue to sing along to the song. He chuckles. "Billy you landed one heck of a catch, this girl's a keeper."

"So she keeps telling me," Billy says with a tired laugh.

I reach up front to rub his shoulder and continue singing.

Teddy begins to sing louder and better than I expected him to, making the song a duet and I can tell this guy is going to be fun. I like Billy's small circle of friends so far and sort of want to meet that Sal guy the promoter mentioned.

I catch Teddy looking at me in the rear view and shrug and his smile widens. The guy's full of old world charm.

When finally do make it to the hospital they take him quickly with his insurance covering practically everything, which must be nice.

I end up watching the crappy late night shows they have on their TV, Teddy scoots closer to me, his portly size making the hospital bench shift and creak a bit. He taps me on the arm with the back of his hand and leans close to me, and his breath smells heavily of marinara and peppers.

"Hey kid, listen to me for a second." I'm about to tell him I'm not kid, and he waves me off. "Listen, you take care of that schmuck in there when I'm not around okay, you keep him on the straight and narrow and I'll make sure you're taken care of."

I lean back to look at him and he smiles like he's been insulted.

"What? Cohen in there is like my son, and that big lug in there likes you, though he's being stupid about not locking you down." I laugh and he snaps his fingers. "I'm not laughing here. I want you to keep him good. Love him like I know you want to."

My smile fades a bit, and he nods waving his finger at me, and I suddenly feel like I'm in the middle of the Godfather. Teddy puts an arm around me and draws me close.

"I like you Sammie, you're a good girl, you got bad ways, got a bad hand. But deep down you're solid gold, you got that? Anybody gives you trouble you tell me, I know people, lots of people who don't like people like that."

I nod silently, and don't really understand what he's saying. Is he telling me he's connected to the mob, or what?

"Okay sir," I nod again.

"What's with this sir," he says looking insulted again."Am I a drill sergeant? No, so you call me Uncle Teddy, or Téodoro, you got that Sammie?"

I smile and poke him in his side, and he jostles me a bit.

"You take a nap if you need to, I got you covered."

I lay my head on his heavy arm and watch TV as the big man breathes heavily, smelling of old spice and Italian food and that alone put me to sleep.

I wake up slightly being carried by Teddy to his car, Billy's voice distant to me but I can see him walking behind us, his arm in a sling and his hand in a thick plaster cast. Billy gets in the back of the car and Teddy set me down so I can crawl into the back. I lay my head on Billy's lap and fall asleep listening to Teddy sings Italian songs.

I don't wake up until the next morning when I hear an alarm go off, and I'm in my own bed, a note from Teddy on my night stand;

**Sammie,**

**Sorry for not waking you, you looked like a sleeping angel and I didn't want to wake you. Your mom remembered me, and got to meet Billy. I talked to her for a bit while Billy slept off his pain meds in my car. Your mom says she's cool with all this nonsense and I told her if she needs anything to call me. You behave yourself. She told me you get in a lot of trouble, so I'm going to go talk to your Principal about all that. She also said you got good friends and that net show thing you do. You keep that up, you hear?**

**I'm going to talk to your friends too, let them know I'm there for them too, if they say they're behind Billy. There'll be food in the fridge for you. I made it myself last night. Get your butt to school after you eat.**

**Truly yours,**

**Téodoro**

I can't help but think what he is going to tell Spencer, or how Spencer's going to react to seeing Teddy's big self at his door.

Or… oh God, did he say he was going to talk to my Principal?

I stop to eat the delicious breakfast Panini I find in the fridge and check in on my sleeping mother before I begin my race to school. I swear this is the only time I've wanted to get to school for anything more than Carly.

I finally get there running off the bus and into the building, only to see Teddy talking to my Principal, whose name is also Ted.

I slide to a halt with a groan and Teddy sees me waving me over, and then I hear Carly's voice from behind them. God what's going on? I feel torn here. I don't know whether I should go around Teddy and my Principal or just walk up to them.

But I see Principal Franklin has made that decision for me as he's clearly walking towards me, alarming Carly and Freddie.

"So," I hear him say softly. "This is your Uncle?"

I nod and shrug at Carly.

Principal Franklin waves them over and I really don't know how this is getting so out of hand. I want to scream at Billy for being such a dork. Carly comes over dragging Freddie by the arm as he mumbles about that 'big guy being scary'.

"Carly, Freddie," Principle Franklin seems to be about introducing my "Uncle" Teddy. "This is Sam's Uncle, Teddy. He wants to thank the two of you for keeping her out of trouble."

"What are you some sort of wise guy Ted," Teddy asks with a laugh as Principle Franklin starts to laugh.

"Guess so Teddy," Our Principle says, as Teddy claps him on the shoulder making the man nearly fall over. "Listen, Sam, consider your recent streak of detention taken care of."

We all stare at him with shock, Carly the first to speak.

"What?"

"According to Teddy here, he really needs her at his gym, and between your show and her gym duties I think she's got enough on her plate. He also told me that you're going to be doing your homework from now on."

I stare at Teddy with a false smile and thank him, he waves me off and claps me on the back knocking me forward as he quickly apologizes, and I want to cry in exasperation.

Teddy and Principle Franklin wish us a good day, like that's going to happen now and walk away talking about boxing and laughing at their names.

Carly looks at me like she expects answers and I shrug.

"Who was that?"

"Billy's trainer."

Although I'm not too sure I understand why he's going this far for me.

"That big guy trains Billy?" Freddie asks with a scoff.

"He knows people, Freddie. Violent people," I say with the wicked smile I can muster and his sheepish response makes me feel better.

"I don't understand," Carly says rubbing her eyes and I shake my head in agreement.

"Evidently my mom and him agreed upon all this," I tell her. "I don't even know what happened. I passed out when he drove me home."

"Wait, what?" They both ask at the same time and it's starting to get irritating.

"Well Billy had an accident and broke his hand, so Teddy drove us to the hospital and then took me home," I shrug. "Evidently he and my mom know each other so … we're here."

"Small world huh," Freddie says and I punch him in the shoulder, "What was that for?"

"Because you're you, nub," I say as I walk off to class.

The day drags on and I'm somewhat forced to stay awake because of the news that someone promised the entire faculty I'd be a better student now. Christ, I can deal with lung cancer and mood swings but a nosy Old World guy making me work, I don't know about that.

Finally after so long the lunch bell rings and I can just hang with my friends; ugh, so tired and hungry.

All of end up sitting together as usual, and Carly sits in silence, silently brooding over Billy. I know she is because of that look in her eye.

Freddie's talking about some kind of new techno thing I don't care about and I just look at my food and shove it around, even though I'm starving I can't enjoy it with Carly being all stupid over this. So I guess I should say something.

"What is wrong here Carls?"

"This whole thing stinks," she waves her arms in the air hysterically which I'm used to. "You're messing around with the trainer guy and… that boy. You really don't have time for that kind of trouble."

Freddie sighs, and I don't get why he's on my side, but after we dated he's been a little warmer towards me, and I try to be nicer to him. But it still gets me.

"Carly, c'mon leave it alone, its Sam's choice."

"No I won't leave it alone Freddie," Carly barely keeps her voice from cracking into a scream, "It just keeps getting weirder."

"So," I say. "Weird is interesting and good, just look at Spencer."

"Hey, this guy and his weird mafia trainer guy are nothing like Spencer," Carly says with a laugh.

"How are Billy and his Trainer looking out for Sam any different than what we do?" Freddie asks her. He has a point. "The two of us and Spencer have gone to bat for Sam on many occasions, so what's the big deal?"

"It just is," Carly screams finally, almost hyperventilating. "They've only known each other for a day!"

"Rome fell in a day," Freddie says, trying to be all super smart and stuff. "You've 'fallen' in love with people in a day, in a single look, how is this any different, huh Carly? What's so wrong about Sam and her MMA Fighter boyfriend?"

Carly starts to garble her words which usually mean she knows she wrong and just won't admit it. I smile and watch Freddie nod his head while he waves his hand towards his ear. Something he'd picked up from me, probably.

"That's right, there's nothing wrong with it at all. If anything I'd say you were jealous."

Carly's jaw drops and slaps Freddie in the arm as he laughs.

"Jealous!" She shrieks, not knowing what attention she was drawing to our little lunch table. "I'm so not jealous!"

She takes her food, her purse and stomps off, like I knew she would but she'll end up getting over it by sundown, like she always does. Freddie looks at me and frowns.

"Sorry Sam."

"I'm fine," I say and push my tray away, I'm lying. I don't like when Carly gets like this and he knows it. "Why are you sticking up for me and Cohen?"

"You deserve a little happiness," Freddie shrugs, "So does Billy."

"I'm usually happy," I defend myself and Freddie looks at me like he's not impressed. I know he's not. "Okay sometimes I'm not."

"Besides, and don't take offense," Freddie starts, in between bites of his sandwich. "Carly has guys fawning over her constantly and you don't. It's nice that the tables have turned for once. So yeah, I guess I'm in your corner."

"Thanks you big nerd," I reach across the table and ruffle his hair, he scrunches up his face and sighs.

"You're welcome."

The rest of the day goes fine, for once I actually pay attention and learn some stuff, and it hurts my head a bit.

I get some homework, reading and stuff, which I'd love to do with Carly and Freddie, but Carly's probably in no mood to hang out after Freddie did his thing at lunch. Still, I figured I should pop over to see how Spencer's doing, and to see what Teddy said to him.

What am I going to do with that big doofus?

I head to the bus and see at the far end of the parking lot Billy, leaning against his car in a bright white hoodie. I can't believe he's here, coming here for me, so I just look at him and I know he can see me, and before I realize I'm smiling and watching as he hits the roof of his car with his good hand.

So I start walking to him, he came here for me, so I should at least go over to him.

He threads his broken hand around my waist and pulls me to him, and I instantly feel excited.

"What're you doing here?"

"To pick you up from…" He stops for a second allowing it to sink in that he's actually picking his girlfriend up from high school and I laugh. "…from school."

"Does that bother you," I ask with a smirk. "Cause if it does, I'll drop out."

He smiles at me and I look into his gray eyes.

I hear Freddie in the distance yelling for me from his mom's car. Billy looks easily over my head and smiles.

"Freddie's waving at you."

"I know," I say quietly and turn around to look at him, as he's now running up to us. "What do you want Fredward, I'm a little busy."

I point my thumb up at Billy and I feel his chuckle vibrate lightly in his chest. Freddie rolls his eyes at me and I feel less like punching him after lunch so I let it go.

"Just wanted to say hi," Freddie says, looking at Billy. I realize he wants to talk about Billy's offer of training the little nub in his fighting style. I groan and move out from in front of Billy who probably doesn't understand what's going on. "Oh also are we hanging out tonight … or do you think Carly's going to be too upset?"

"I'm going regardless," I say with a shrug. "I want to talk to Spencer."

Freddie nods and looks to Billy, who has an expectant look on his face.

"If it's about training Freddie, when I'm free is up to Sam and to a lesser extent my trainer. But Sunday is good for me."

Billy braves a look at me and smiles when I beam back at him.

I always sleep most of Sunday away anyway so not a big deal there. I hit Freddie in the shoulder playfully, not very hard but enough for him to take a hint and he nods with a grin.

"I'll see you at Carly's then."

After he and his Mother are gone, I put my hand on Billy chest looking up at him, "So when are you gonna kiss me?"

He pulls me up off the ground and kisses me, letting his tongue brush my lips slightly, as I open them for him.

The feeling of his kiss makes me a little dizzy and not want to break it, but he does and sets me back down. He clears his throat and looks around.

"So want me to drop of you off or do you want to be alone for a while?"

The idea is tempting, to be alone with him, God only knows what we could get up to, and so I test him and slide a hand over the front of his pants and feel him shift towards me with a smile.

Why is he making me choose?

I bite my lip and think, I should see Spencer soon, but I desperately want to be with Billy.

Thinking of what I want to do with Billy makes me tremble, of him touching my body, making me feel good, making him feel good. I absent mindedly pull his unbroken hand up to my mouth and kiss it, gently nipping at it and he starts to laugh.

"One track mind you got there Sam," he states with a smile.

"It's your fault for being so hot," I say slapping him on the chest with a pout I hope will make him decide.

But the urge to know what Teddy told Spencer today is too great, so I shrug.

"Come with me to Carly's."

He shakes his head, which disappoints me greatly.

"I'll drop you off but I got some stuff to do at home."

"Oh," I don't mean to sound disappointed but I am, and he can hear it.

"I have to catch up on a new show I'm watching."

He says it so nonchalantly it makes me slap him in the arm.

"You're ditching me for a TV Show?"

"I didn't say anything about it being a TV show, and no I'm letting you have some time with your friends." He says opening the car door for me, he slides across the hood again and gets in. "Also I'm not really ditching you."

I realize what he's talking about, and I can't believe he's been watching iCarly. But I didn't see a computer or a TV at his place.

"But you don't have a computer, or a TV for that matter."

"Yeah I do," he says pulling out of the parking lot. "Just because you didn't see them doesn't mean they aren't there."

"Where could they possibly be?"

Imagining his loft is easy seeing as though it's mostly bare space, except for the book cases he has in front of his couch.

"I'll show you later."

He laughs as he drives me slowly to Carly's.

We sit in silence for the most of the short trip, and he drops me off in the parking lot of Carly's building, kissing me on the cheek as we part.

I eventually end up in Carly's apartment after standing outside wishing I had gone with him, I'm so stupid for not going with him.

Eh, shrug it off. At least I'm not alone.


	6. Chapter 5

_**Author's note: Okay so I was feeling a little generous today and had to upload a couple of chapters today. So I'm happy this was one of them ... because it's a mid-story cliffhanger. I hope you love it, and if you read it please review it. It means a lot, but is not mandatory, I just want to know if my readers are liking what's happening.**_

_**User1-FlynnK  
**_

_Billy-_

I enter my place and drop my keys and phone on the counter, and look around the empty space of my loft.

It feels like the vacuum of space in here without her, so big and cold but I look at the solid black stone sculpture across the room from me and smile.

"TV on," I say and watch the panels separate and slide back into place, the television flickers on. "Browser up."

The internet browser pops up to fill the screen, and I walk to my coffee table and pull my keyboard out of a drawer in its side.

I sit down and continue watching Sam and Carly's show. It's actually pretty good, random stuff, but good. The shows don't last long but I get lost in them as the hours pass and I watch Sam age in front of my eyes, becoming the beautiful young woman I dropped off earlier.

I feel the small needle like pain in my chest grow, it's been there since last night, I figure it's just from overworking.

But it's suddenly harder to breathe, and I begin to cough. I can't control it, and I see red flecks flying from my mouth onto the keyboard, God that's a lot of blood. The coughs keep coming, racking my body with pain, my ribs ache with it and my head pounds with each one.

Gotta stand, gotta get to my phone. Try to stand, have to walk.

The coughing won't stop, and the blood keeps coming, don't let me die like this, not now. God. Lord the coughs hurt, bursting out of me like small explosions.

I'm stumbling, can't keep my feet, vision's fading fast, I'm so light headed.

Can't… I'm…. falling.

Right before my vision fades completely, all I can do is… think about how much blood I'm coughing up.


	7. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note: So the suspense is over, but the drama is just starting.**_

_**User1-FlynnK  
**_

_Sam-_

Spencer sits across from me flailing his arms about, being his usual funny self, he's telling me about Teddy.

"He's so strange that guy, going from serious to funny, then talking about his glory days of fighting professionally."

I nod along, I'm just happy to hear that Teddy didn't threaten him or anything. Didn't really have to worry about that though; not with Spencer. Teddy's off doing something gym related, sort of sad I missed him.

Evidently he cooked for Spencer, which he's raving about now, and how Teddy scared Mrs. Benson by looking all "Thugish".

I can't help but laugh and start to worry. I haven't received any texts from Billy so far.

"What's up kiddo?" Spencer says from across the table.

"Oh nothing," I say and tap the screen of my phone one more time.

Spencer looks at the phone and makes a face.

"Hasn't gone off since you got here."

"It worries me."

"I'm sure he's just busy Sam," Spencer says avoiding my eyes. "Now go upstairs and get some homework done. Freddie and Carly are waiting for you."

I nod, and Spencer tries to grab my phone

"Leave it here, I'll try and get a hold of him for you."

What's he trying to pull? I can tell he's worried, about me more than Billy. I hear him hit the send button and start talking as I head up the stairs.

Carly and Freddie look happy to see me as they mess around on their computers.

We start to rehearse for tomorrow night's show, and I try my best to be here, but I just can't, I'm too worried about what's going on, if my phone's going off or if Teddy's tried to call. That's when I see Spencer outside the door to the studio. His face looks broken with stress.

He pushes the door open and all I here are the words Billy, hospital and Teddy.

I'm running before I can think and Spencer catches me in his arms, I'm fighting him, and now Freddie and Carly are holding me back, and I'm trying to go, to get to the hospital.

Spencer throws me over his shoulder and I see Mrs. Benson holding out her keys, saying something about being here. I start screaming, pounding on Spencer's back to set me down.

He eventually does strapping me into Freddie's mom's car.

The car ride takes too long and I break down.

We finally pull into the parking garage of the hospital and Spencer has to restrain me from running, holding me back again.

Why won't he let me go to Billy? Why?

I see Teddy coming to us quickly. He's jogging to us his eyes red and flushed from crying. His arms wrap me up in a hug as he lifts me off the ground, his words lost to me. I can't hear what he's saying over the rushing of blood in my ears, the pounding of my heart at what may have happened.

He lets go of me and I try and run past him, he slaps me lightly on the cheek and it brings me back. I look up at him and he smiles a deep broken smile.

"Billy's gonna be fine Sammie, I promise."

"What happened," I'm yelling it and people around us are watching.

I hear Spencer trying to shoo them away.

"He had an attack," Teddy says quietly. "It was a very violent coughing fit, caused him to lose enough oxygen to black out."

I break down, fall to the ground and cry; partly out of relief, but the guilt of having not been with him makes my chest hurt, makes me feel awful.

I should have been with him. I should have been there with him.

Teddy picks me up off the ground with one arm and cradles my face in the other, surprising me at how strong he really is.

"Stop being a schmuck, he's alive Goddammit!"

Teddy's momentary rage catches me off guard and I hear Spencer gasp, I look at him and I know he can see the pain and shock in my eyes because he's starting to cry. He pulls me into another hug and holds me there.

"He's going to be fine."

"I should have been there with him Teddy," whispering it into his ear.

I hear him laugh. "No feeling guilty over this."

I let out a sob that turns into a laugh and Teddy howls with laughter.

"You gotta practice for that show of yours girlie, no amount of guilt will help you be funny."

He guides us into the hospital and I sit down in the waiting room with Spencer as Teddy checks in on Billy in the Nurse's station.

Spencer starts to make weird noises and stops as he gets dirty look. He's just trying to cheer me up. Teddy plops down next to me, making the bench shake and sighs.

"Billy's in X-Ray, he should be out in a bit, but the head Nurse back there said they may keep him overnight."

"We were supposed to go out tonight," I blurt out in a whine and Teddy laughs at me.

"Never would've believed being back in a hospital twice in one day," Teddy says looking at the ceiling. "That boy's luck is rotten in everything but love and fighting."

Spencer laughs at that one, and I begin to as well, knowing full well it's the only thing we can do.

It's that or go crazy.

Spencer's phone rings and he excuses himself, he's talking to Carly, who must be talking to Freddie's Mom. Teddy pulls me close to him his cologne more noticeable then before.

"You okay Sammie?"

"No."

It's honest, I'm not okay, and I want to see Billy.

"Honest answer for honest folk," Teddy recites to no one. "He's fine for now."

I nod and Teddy shakes me with a laugh.

"You know what was on his TV when I got there?"

I shake my head against his shoulder and he starts laughing.

"That web thing you do with that gangly guy's sister."

I blush, I can't believe he was actually watching that, especially when I act like such a goof.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah," he nods. "And I have to tell you, when he finally came around in the ambulance, the first word out of his mouth was your name. He put up a hell of a fight for a sick man. He wouldn't leave the gurney until he got to call you. They had to sedate him after he punched an orderly.

I start laughing and crying at the same time. I don't know how to respond to that. Teddy hugs me again.

"It's gonna be okay Sammie, I promise you that if I gotta cut out my own lungs for the boy to breathe, he's gonna be okay."

Spencer comes back and sits down with us. "Carly's worried about you kiddo."

"I'm worried about me, Spence." Teddy lets me go to sit up. "I don't know what I'm doing."

Spencer and Teddy laugh.

"No one does Sam, we just wing it."

"But I don't like not knowing what I'm doing, Spencer," he nods and I hear Teddy chuckle.

"You can't control what's going on, except for the clothes you wear, what you pay for gas, and what you eat every day," Teddy says quietly. "I believe in fate, and fate's drawn us here today, to be here for this boy."

Teddy starts to cry; he gets up and walks down the hall disappearing around a corner. I look at Spencer and hug him. He hugs me back and tells a corny joke that makes me laugh.

An hour later a Nurse comes up to us and tells us that Billy's coming out in a minute, that he'll be in a room, and that if we follow her she'll lead us there. We follow quietly and wait.

Teddy arrives first, his face red and puffy, a tired look in his eyes.

But I can hear Billy from down the hall complaining about staying the night that he had a date with a beautiful girl that he doesn't want to disappoint.

They wheel him in, and he's sitting in a wheelchair, in a hospital gown and weird brown overly worn house slippers. Billy tries to stand and can't, wobbling back down into the chair and the Doctor laughs.

"He's still a little high off the sedative we gave him earlier, so be forewarned he's a little out there."

Billy's staring at me, a goofy expression on his face.

"Wasn't my fault I had to cancel, this wavy man here told me I couldn't have fun."

Spencer stifles a laugh and looks at the floor, the Nurses with the Doctor help Billy up to the bed, hooking him up to all sorts of machines and stuff.

I hate seeing him this way, but I can see up his robe from here, and I like what I see. I see Spencer's head dart into my vision trying to see what I'm staring at and he makes a face when he does, looking back and forth and starts to let out a low scream and covering my eyes.

Batting away his hand, Teddy laughs as the Doctor begins babbling about medical stuff, I can't tear my eyes away from Billy, he's smiling at me like he knows a secret and it's a secret I want to know.

"Well the cough is something fairly common, I've been telling him to lay off the excessive physical exercise, like his fighting," the Doctor says with a laugh. "But if it's keeping him in good health I can't argue with it. What I can argue with is the fact that it might have caused his attack. I also suspect since he broke his hand that he's become … emotionally unstable."

Teddy grumbles a curse word. "The fuck does that mean, Doc?"

"It means he's depressed," the Doctor bites back a bit of anger, I'm trying my best to listen and watch Billy who is trying his best to do a bit of simple sign language. "I'm referring him to a therapist. He's a good man. He's also a cancer survivor and knows what it's like."

Teddy curses again and I see Billy clumsily point to his eye and nod, I nod back and then he points to his chest and nods again, then he points at me and smiles.

I blink and I don't get it, I don't understand what he's trying to say, and then it clicks. Eye, heart, me … wait to him, it'd be you. Eye heart you?

I know the question is written on my face because he nods and it makes me dizzy and I don't know why. I look over to the Doctor who raises an eyebrow at me and goes back to talking.

"However the results so far from his X-Rays are impressive to say the least," the Doctor says and pulls them out. I scrunch up my face as he holds them up to the light. "Okay you see this is one taken a month ago."

He hands that one off to a Nurse and pulls out another.

"And this one is from tonight. You notice how the white area here is smaller in size and shape?"

Spencer whistles. "It's smaller."

Teddy starts laughing, and Billy continues to stare at me.

"By a quarter of an inch it is, which means that the chemotherapy treatments seem to be working. Now I stress no one here get their hopes up, because it could be temporary, but personally my colleagues and I are incredibly optimistic about this development."

Teddy takes the man in a bear hug, tearing him off the floor and starts swinging him around, the Doctor laughs and asks to be put down. Teddy releases him in a wave of emotion that I never thought possible from the man and comes straight toward me, arms open and before I can move he has me up in the air as well screaming in my ear that God was listening.

The Doctor laughs and shoos the Nurses off.

"Listen visitor time is over in an hour, I'm going to leave you all alone with Mister Cohen."

"It's Billy!" He screams from his bed and we all look at him and his goofy smile.

Teddy looks at me and then back to Billy, a smile on his face that has his intention written all over it.

"Let's give them some space, huh?"

Spencer sputters and shakes his head. "Nuh-uh!"

Teddy looks him in the eye, even though Spencer is taller, Teddy, has more presence.

"Pally, what are they gonna do in here?"

Spencer's eyes wide with slight terror mumbles and answer, I can't help but feel sorry for him. Teddy forces him out the door closing it behind them and I'm up out of my chair and by Billy's side on the bed.

I feel his warmth and it makes me mad we're in this nasty place, so smelly and clean. He holds his arm out a bit and I wrap mine around his.

"I knew you'd find a way to ditch me," I say with a smirk, I just want to keep that smile on his face even though I know it won't be hard.

"I'm very happy," he looks at me with a glazed joy in his eyes, and it makes me want to kiss him. "I think I love you."

I feel my jaw drop and I'm staring at him, his smile widens and he looks at his hands with this goofy smile.

"Do you really think that?"

"I feel it," he says pointing at his chest with his free, unbroken hand."Right here, like a bright light that burns me from the inside out."

I feel a tear roll down my cheek and he frowns at it shaking his head crazily.

"No crying, be happy!"

"I don't understand," I hear myself say absently.

"What's to understand," he starts to laugh and wave his head from side to side."I was watching your show and I knew it because I felt it, although I don't want to admit it, and I think I'm saying it because I nearly died and these drugs are awesome!"

He nearly died? No one told me that, the bastards.

But I don't want him to love me because he nearly died. I want him to love me because he's in love with me normally? I don't quite understand what I want here. I should be happy, but instead I feel conflicted and scared.

"You're probably going, 'he's just high and he don't know what he's talking about', but I do." He says waving his free hand around.

"You're pretty stoned aren't you?" I ask him with a forced smile.

"Are you mad at me?"

I shake my head no and he frowns.

"Yes you are, I can feel that too, I can see it in your eyes. Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad Billy," I say and lay my head on his shoulder, and I'm not mad, I'm just confused."

"You're mad at me because I love you," he sounds like a child that can't have a toy. "You're mad because I only think it, because maybe I almost nearly probably died on the floor, and that I don't mean it. But I do. I mean it, I feels it here, and I knows it here, and I can see it here."

He points to his heart, his head and at me, his eyes big and doped up.

"I can admit it now, because I nearly lost myself. I can't go yet, not with you not knowing how I feel about your pretty face, and the way you walk, and the way you punch."

He's giggling now, and points at the wall. "The walls moving."

"I know it is." I say a little disappointed, I feel like crap being disappointed with this, but I can't be too upset.

At least he's saying it right?

"I don't like mad Sam," he jerks his arm away from me with surprising force and growls. "Why can't you be happy?"

I know he's stoned but this hurts, so I punch him in the arm and the look of shock tells me what I'm dealing with.

It's not the Billy I know, it's like he's a little kid, afraid, temperamental, and it has to be the drugs; I know it has to be the drugs but I can't stand to see him this way. I want my Billy back. MY Billy? What am I talking about, I've known the guy for two days!

But there's just something about him, something that makes him mine.

So I smile and he looks at me suspiciously, so I lean forward and kiss his cheek, and he sighs faintly.

I get up off the bed and excuse myself to the restroom, I shut the door behind me and start to cry, maybe Carly's right, and maybe I can't handle this. All this stuff makes me scared that I can't handle anything. I don't even know what I'm doing here, or what made me want to run here, I don't understand and that scares me.

I hear Spencer before I see him, and I look up at him.

"I don't know that I can do this."

"I know Sam, I know," he takes me into his arms and holds me.

I know Teddy is on the other side, I know he heard me, and I think he knows I may be right. I can handle the anger, I can handle the pills and the vomiting, but I can't handle seeing him like this.

Teddy pulls Spencer away, and he goes willingly, Teddy looks down at me and nods, his eyes telling me things I don't want to hear.

"This is your chance to go," he says and points at the door. "I won't hold it against you, and neither will Billy. I feel like running myself, because this is harder than I realized it would be, seeing him there like a fucking child, doped out of his mind and that's just a sedative to keep him calm."

Teddy holds the tears back, but his voice is full of them.

"I can't imagine what it's going to be like if the chemo fails, what it's going to be like to see the boy we know die and what's left is a husk of that bright young boy."

Spencer tries to intercede but Teddy waves him off.

"Let me talk, please. You're seventeen, gonna be eighteen next month, you got a graduation coming up, college maybe. I hear you like art, and you're good at comedy, and you're a good friend, but you won't be sitting there watching that boy die in your arms everyday if this doesn't work out. If this bites us in the ass and kills him, we're all gonna go down the damn drain with him."

"That's enough," Spencer says grabbing my arm. "I think I should take her home."

"Truth hurts don't it," Teddy looks at me and he isn't angry, but he's in pain. "That boy may be doped outta his skull, and he may be looney tunes, and he may be a lot of things but I do truly believe that boy loves you to some extent. I see you looking at him and you know what I see?"

I shake my head, and he answers. "Love and doubt, you doubt yourself just as much as he does, but you want this just as much as he does."

Spencer pushes him back and pulls me out of the room, muttering the only curses I've ever heard him say. He looks genuinely angry.

"Who does that guy think he is, putting all that on you? What… what a… fucking asshole!"

"Spencer," I manage to say, and I'm a bit impressed. "Language?"

"No, that's not right," he says letting go of my arm and turning back to the room. "I'm going to go give him a piece of my mind!"

"He was a heavy weight boxer," I remind him through tears and a smile.

He turns on his heel walking quickly away and I follow him.

We get back to Carly's and I end up sleeping in her bed, and she comforts me as I cry. Freddie's mom and Spencer sit up talking. Freddie said he'd be in the studio working on some new nerd thing. I fall asleep quickly, and forget what's going on.

A day or two passes and I can't believe he hasn't texted me, or called me. But I can't handle it, seeing him that way, but I can't handle not being without him right now. I don't know how to feel.

Carly's watching me stare at my phone and asks. "Still hasn't called you?"

"No. That weenie," I say loudly. "What the crap?"

Freddie laughs.

"When you left, you said you couldn't handle it."

Teddy probably told him, God, he probably thinks I'm a chicken. I am a chicken for running like that, even though I want to be with him. I let out a loud groan.

"I don't know what to do."

"Follow your heart," Freddie says like a bad romance movie.

"My heart doesn't know what to do," I yell at him.

Freddie stands up and looks at me, squaring his shoulders, he's about to yell back.

"Then what does your gut say?"

"That I'm not hungry," I say sadly.

"And?" Carly asks, softly.

"That I want to be with him, even though it scares the crap out of me."

Freddie screws up his face in a smile."You're scared?"

"I don't know that I can handle what's going on with him," I say it slowly. "And that scares me."

"Bull," He says and takes a step closer. "You're afraid to care about him."

"Let me guess. You're going to wait for him to come to the same conclusion?" Carly asks with a sigh.

I sit down and nod.

"Yup."


	8. Chapter 7

_**Author's note: Okay, now I know I said this was a Seddie story, it is, just got to bear with it. BTW, lemon alert, they are down below. Also I'm working on a sequel, more ... to the point sequel. Completely Seddie, with what I hope to be more drama, more lemons and a funny good time to be had by all, it'll definitely be more light hearted than this one. I'll give periodic updates via twitter: user1_flynnk and of course here via end chapter Author's notes. Please review if you read this, just to let me know you care; after all, I'm doing this for your entertainment.  
**_

_**User1-FlynnK  
**_

_Billy-_

A few days have passed since my attack, since I fucked things up in the hospital doped out of my mind, since Teddy told me she couldn't handle seeing me deteriorate in front of her.

I know those are his words, and he's slightly angry with her, although I'm happy I don't have to worry about her hating me in the end.

I'm happy to be unburdened as I die … alone.

No I'm not happy, I'm fucking destroyed inside, in two days I went from promising to shit heel in very little time.

Acting like a goddamned child I drove her away, showed her what I might end up being, what I'll probably end up being. Teddy hasn't talked to me in a day since I snapped telling him she made the right decision, that I was bum bet.

He hit me and left, he'll be back soon.

My phone vibrates on the table and I pause what I'm watching to look at it, an email message from Freddie:

**Billy, it's me Freddie. I just want to tell u that if your waiting for Sam to come back you're going to be waiting a long time. She's not mad at you, I think. I can never tell with her. If you really do want her back, come get her because she's miserable. She won't even eat, that's serious.**

I shake my head, someone's still in my corner, even though I don't want them to be. I don't deserve this. I was stupid to act like I did.

So that's what I type in, and then I erase it and decide to tell him the truth. I tell him that I do miss her, and that I want her back, that I was stupid, that I don't deserve her back and that I wouldn't even know how to apologize or where to begin.

**Why can't you tell her that?**

I text him back, telling him that I don't want her to see me like that again, I know it's hard to handle, and that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about but I know I want her back like crazy, that if she can't handle all of this, I'll be okay.

I wait for him to reply, but he never does.

I eventually dose off to the sound of a new rain storm that's drifted in, and fitfully dreaming of Sam's voice, and her beautiful blue eyes, and that mischievous smirk. I dream she's sitting right next to me again, eating my ice cream, laughing at iCarly, and repeatedly punching me in the arm … but the pain feels all too real.

I wake up with a start, her name escaping my lips and I see no one there next to me. But I hear someone behind me breathe slowly.

"Why haven't you called me?"

"God I'm still dreaming."

I know I am there's no way this is real.

"You're not dreaming Cohen," she says it with authority.

"If you felt that way, why haven't you called me," she continues taking a very decidedly open stance, "Or texted me?"

"Because I-"

I stop myself and get up off the couch turning to her and she's soaked head to toe, her clothes clinging to her, showing off her curvy body, and it makes me burn with want and then I see that the window facing the fire escape is open.

"How did you get through the window?"

Sam stamps her foot on the ground impatiently. "Answer the question Cohen!"

"Because I love you too much to see you get hurt by me!" I don't mean to yell it, but I do and I am quickly taken aback by that. "I'm afraid I'll hurt you like I did the other night. Or that you'll end up hating me or think I'm a burden."

She stomps her feet and tosses her head about like she's throwing a tantrum.

"You're so … so … damned stupid!"

"Did you really break into my place just to yell at me and call me stupid?" I ask hesitantly.

"No I broke in here to tell you," she stops to look at me, and looks confused. "I wanted to tell you that I left because I couldn't handle the way it made me feel, not because I couldn't handle what was going on."

"How is that any better," I ask, and it really doesn't sound much better than it feels.

"That came out wrong," she says shaking her head. "I'm not good with words Billy."

"Be good with them," I tell her, and I realize I sound a little angry, but I'm really not I just want her to say it.

"It made me realize that I love your stupid face," she says loudly. "And that scared me, okay?"

I nod with a neutral look on my face. I don't want to smile right away as I walk to her, folding my arms across my chest. She looks hurt by it, like I've slapped her and she turns for the window.

"Fuck you."

It's full of anger, and it makes me falter. "Sam, wait."

"Why should I?"

"Because I love you, and it's raining, and … I want you!" I blurt it out quickly, reaching for her hand and taking hold of it.

She turns her head and looks at me, her blonde hair wet, and framing her beautiful face.

"What?"

"I love you Sam… and I want you,"

"Say that for me one more time," she says as she turns around, steps closer to me and I let go of her hand.

"I love you and I want you," I say it slowly because my heart is pounding.

I'm out of breath, and I can't think, and I kiss her before I know what I'm doing, and she kisses me back sliding her tongue into my mouth.

I pull her wet shirt off slowly, her soft wet skin shining in the dim gray light from the windows and I notice she's shivering. I smile at her hot pink bra and she blushes as I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her to me in a kiss that makes my skin tingle.

I start to slowly move us to the bed but she starts to tug at my shirt dragging me to the floor. I try and resist but she pushes me onto the floor and removes my shirt, tossing it away like she's angry at it and then I feel her fingers circling the red shape in the center of my chest.

The feeling of her icy fingers on my skin makes me flinch, but it feels good as she lowers her head to kiss the spot gently and starts to work her hips against me.

Sam moves up to kiss me, and I thread a hand into her wet hair keeping her pressed against me while I try and work a few of my broken fingers to undo the clasp to her bra. I finally do and she laughs between kisses.

I move to kiss her neck starting at the curve of her jaw as I sit up and feel her press her hips against me, rocking them slowly, achingly teasing me.

My lips work my way down her neck towards her beautiful, heaving breasts and I kiss them, running my tongue along one of her cold hard nipples. Her moan makes my ears ring, echoing through me, driving me insane.

I quickly roll her onto the floor, hearing her yelp at the process. I start to tear at her pants, trying my best to remove them as fast as I can.

Finally, I have her pants off and I lower my head between her legs and begin to kiss her inner thigh. I hear her gasp as it intermingles with a laugh that makes me nip at her thigh causing her to moan.

I look at her bright orange men's underwear and stop for a second to point at them.

"They're comfortable!"

I shrug and pull them off of her, tossing them away I lower my mouth to her wet, pink opening, letting my tongue explore as I press my lips to her and I feel her buck underneath my mouth. I can taste her as she gets wetter, so I slide my tongue into her swirling it around and Sam lets out a moan that mixes into a scream and I feel one of her hands batting at my head, no doubt reaching for nonexistent hair.

She grabs me by the ear and jerks me up on top of her and into a kiss; trying my best to undo my pants as she grinds into me whispering my name between kisses, urging me to do things to her.

Then a thought clicks in my head, I may be stone sterile, but … I whip my head and try my best to stand and fall to the ground again, realizing my legs don't have enough blood to operate correctly.

"What are you doing," Sam yells at me naked, beautiful and tempting on the floor.

I try to stand again and slip on her shirt, just trying to get to my nightstand. I bought them in case this happened with her, goddammit, why can't I stand for longer than five seconds. I stand again and hop to the nightstand dropping my pants as I do/I chose to not wear underwear a long time ago, makes things easier.

I frantically try and open the nightstand, my mind just isn't working correctly, everything's buzzing, telling me to forget it.

I manage to get the drawer open and to the protection, I hold it up like treasure found by a pirate, and with a laugh I feel her hands on me, inching their way around my back, to my front.

She grabs me and I stand still, afraid to move as she starts to work her hand. I stare at the tan brick wall in front of me, my legs rubbery. She starts to turn me around so I can face her, her hand still moving around me and I smile, and I know it's a goofy smile and she smiles back.

Letting go of me she climbs back onto the bed that wicked smirk on her face; she motions me towards her with a crooked finger and I do.

Climbing onto the bed, lowering my mouth to her neck she pushes my head down, and I laugh. But comply, as I kiss my way down her slim, fit abdomen, listening as her breath falter in a series of gasps and moans.

"God, Billy."

I flick my tongue out, catching her with the tip of it and she screams and I hear it, in the distance, the elevator, the ding of the floor alert.

I don't register it, I can't, and I've got her legs wrapped around my head and with one eye see the door slide upward. I let out a slow scream, she giggles with a moan and then I hear them, Teddy and Sal.

I do the only thing I can think of and drag Sam off the bed, a rude awakening sure, but better than being caught naked.

"Teddy," Sal says, "You're being thick headed here, Billy's a good kid, don't be so hard on him or the girl."

"Sal, it's not like that, I'm just disappointed."

I rip the covers off my bed to cover her with as I lift my legs up into the air to slide my jeans on, quickly reaching out for her shirt and bra, but I can't reach her pants or her underwear which are caught on my headboard.

I stay low, trying to keep Sam from kicking me. I keep slapping at her legs as she curses softly.

"Billy where you at kid," Sal says looking around and I shoot up off the floor and run over to him, trying to push the two of them towards the kitchen. He narrows his eyes and spots the underwear, winking he sits down with a smile. "So Billy I hear you're having a HARD time."

"You could uh … say that." I nod and fidget with my pants. What they hell are they doing here without calling; shit what if they did when I was asleep. "Why didn't you call?"

Teddy looks at the floor, Sal speaks up.

"Wanted to surprise you, and it seems like we definitely did that."

We all laugh some more awkwardly than others and I maneuver around the kitchen island counter so they're facing away from the bed.

I can't believe this is happening, I feel like my parents walked in on me. Sal points to the TV and smiles.

"My kid watches that show, think you could arrange a meet and greet, perhaps I could do an interview, maybe Teddy could go on."

I shake my head. "I don't think that's such a good idea Sal, we're not exactly on good terms right now."

"So I hear," He smiles, and behind my back while I've got them facing the other direction. "But I think that won't last too much longer huh kiddo?"

Sal is a very strange man, he sees a lot, and is very foreboding with his language.

"It's a shame to hear about your BATHROOM being all messed up, need to take a piss like nothing else, also a shame NO ONE CAN USE IT. Wouldn't you say it's a good idea to GET GOING IN THERE, soon?"

I laugh and nod, Teddy looks between us questioning as I watch Sam leap over the bed for her underwear, the bed creaks and Teddy almost turns around and Sal catches him with his elbow.

"Huh, how about that kid, took out a toilet, that's some pretty hardcore shit."

Teddy shakes his head, as Sam quietly tip toes her way towards her pants, grabbing them she takes a sliding run for the bathroom and makes it.

I let out a sigh of relief and Sal laughs hard giving me a look I can't understand.

"So, I heard you got the hots for that blonde cutie there, on your screen," he points at it and smiles. "How come you let her go?"

"Ah, c'mon Sal, he don't want to talk about that," Teddy says and notices that the window is open. "You aiming to catch a cold or something, Billy?"

I shake my head, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"Nope, just like the sound of rain Teddy."

He squints at me and laughs. "You Midwesterners are strange folk."

Sal nods with a knowing smile and starts patting himself down.

"Hey Teddy would you mind going to get those cigars I brought over here to celebrate Billy's tumor receding?"

Teddy nods and heads for the elevator, and rides it down.

"Okay kid, I bought us a few minutes."

"Cigars?" I question that he actually brought any.

"You know I don't smoke kid, but he's gonna look for them until he gets angry and gives up," Sal says heading to the bathroom.

"So a good two, maybe three minutes."

He nods and heads towards the bathroom.

"Hope you're dressed in there."

He knocks on the door frame and there's no answer, Sal peeks his head into the bathroom and sighs, pulling back the curtain and waves slightly.

"Hiya kiddo!"

"Hi," Sam chirps the greeting like she's afraid of Sal or perhaps afraid of getting into trouble but offers her hand for a shake anyway.

Sal takes it and pumps with a smile.

"Salvatore Blonski, at your service little lady."

"How'd you know I was here," Sam asks and Sal smiles.

"I saw your bright orange underwear on the head board," Sal sits on the bathroom counter, and looks at her, his eyes appraising her like a jeweler with a ring. "What you doing here kiddo?"

"My names Sam," she says with a bit of bravado.

"I know I'm a fan." Sal laughs in short, low bursts, but his eyes always stay emotionally neutral, like a shark. Sam smiles and he shakes his head, "Well at least you two are working this whole thing out. By the way, make up sex on a rainy day? The greatest, take my word for it."

He slaps me in the arm with surprising strength and points at the two of us with his pointer and pinky extended from his hand. I hear the elevator and Sal nods.

"Big man's back, don't worry I got this."

The doors open and Salvatore whistles loudly."Some damage you done here kid, what made you so angry?"

"Life," I say and shrug and he laughs, shaking his head as we leave the bathroom and I close the door behind me.

"Where you been doing your business?"

He asks it and I smile, pointing to a door at the very end of my entertainment system, wedged between it and windows actually. He nods with a smile.

"God takes care of his own, son, understand that," he says cupping my cheek with a light slap, pointing at me with the other hand. "And you're definitely one of his."

He leans in close and whispers. "So is that girl, so treat her like it okay you big lug."

Teddy sighs with exasperation, "I couldn't find the cigars, Sal."

Sal nods moving between the two of us with a deft grace.

"Realized I forgot them at the office and here I am feeling like shit for making you look for them. How about I buy you dinner somewhere nice to make up for my forgetfulness?"

Teddy beams for a moment, being either willfully or naturally oblivious to all of this.

"How about you sonny, want to join us, maybe we could swing by and pick up that iCarly girl."

I shake my head rubbing my stomach.

"Chemo's doing a trick on me Sal."

"Ah, I can feel that," he says patting his stomach. "Survived colon cancer myself, it's a bitch, but hang in there kiddo."

I smile with a nod as they walk into the elevator, Teddy waves and Sal winks at me with that strange shark like appraisal. He thumbs the button and the door slides down, and I hear Sam before I see her.

"That was close, isn't there a way we can lock that?"

There is and I was so caught up, it surprised me that I had forgotten about it. I cross the room and grab my keys, flipping out a circular key I stick it in the call panel and turn it off; now only police and firefighters can get up here.

I let my head hit the wall, and sigh heavily.

"Killed the mood didn't it?"

"Like a door nail," She agrees, and comes to my side, "Doesn't mean we still can't hang out."

I know that, but it doesn't make it any harder to keep from smiling and laughing at what just happened. She collapses onto me her arms wrapping around my waist, her wet clothes making me shiver.

"Let me get you something warmer."

"That's a heck of a TV you got there," she says looking at it, "Internet connected to it, you got cable?"

"Satellite," I say as I rifle through my dresser.

I watch her jump over the back of my couch and land sitting. I smile and shake my head. I pull out my smallest sweat pants and shirt, still way too big for her, but way too small for me, now anyway. I walk over to the couch and drape the clothes over the back; she grabs them and looks up at me.

"This the best you can do?" Sam laughs.

"Unfortunately yeah," I say and move to sit down. "I haven't had a girlfriend in almost two years."

"Why," she asks like the answer should be anything but clear. "You're super hot."

"I moved here for the cancer treatments," I said with a shrug. "And at the beginning I lost a lot of weight, hated myself, and didn't have the energy or looks to go dating."

"Well lucky I found you when I did," she chuckles and gets up. "Going to go change."

"Why can't you do that here," this confuses me.

She's going to change in the bathroom even though I just had my tongue in her. Wow, that sounded so bad. I just saw her completely naked.

"Nuh uh, gotta hang my clothes up to dry," Sam says making her way to my bathroom.

"Why do you assume I don't have a washer and dryer," I yell back at her.

"I don't see them," she yells from the restroom with a laugh until she sees me standing in the bathroom door way. "Pervert, watching a young girl change without her knowledge."

That wicked smile of hers made me itch to kiss her, but I take her wet clothes and walk off to a small red door next to my kitchen, I open it. Patting her jeans pockets for money and change and find her phone, surprisingly still working, before I put them all in the dryer following the directions on the label for a few minutes.

I come back out and Sam is sprawled on the couch, feet up on my coffee table, and my shirt fits her like a camping tent. I want her naked, I'd go naked if she asked, but I don't want that to be an issue. I notice she changed the channel and I sigh, "I was watching that."

"So?" She looks at me from the corner of her eye. "Not going to put on a shirt?"

I shake my head. "Why should I?"

"Because your hotness is distracting me from watching TV," Sam says absent mindedly licking her lips, and I lean over and kiss her, her arm snakes its way around my neck and pulls me too her. Then breaking the kiss she laughs. "See, very distracting."

"Fine I'll put on a shirt," I say and slide my hand under the shirt she's wearing and she looks at me wide eyed.

"Not my shirt, doof, get your own."

"It is mine," I remind her and she mocks me, I go to get a shirt and look through the windows as the light of day fades into the still storming skies.

I grab the first one I see out of the drawer and pull it on, watching the TV flicker silently. Standing here I can't help but think about the last week, and I have no idea why I'm stupid, but Sam's laughter makes me forget all that quickly.

"You coming back over here or what," Sam yells from the couch, "Mama misses her man."

My face screws up and that takes me off guard.

"Mama?"

"Yeah, it's a nickname," she says waving a hand in the air. I pull her phone from my pocket and put it on the counter on the walk back to the couch and leap over the back, landing next to her. "Good boy."

She kisses me on the cheek, and rests her head on my shoulder. "I have hunger."

"There's plenty of food in the fridge," I tell her. "Bought it for you."

"Really," the question seems to be lined with suspicion, "When?"

I count on my hand the days, counting way too many days back.

"Yesterday."

"But," she stops herself and gets up running to the fridge.

"Spencer said you might find your way in here," I was skeptical at the time but he had been right. "I didn't believe him but I bought food for you in case I was out."

I hear the fridge pop open and she starts screaming. "You bought all of this for me?"

I shake my head.

"Not all of it, some of it is mine." I look over my shoulder at her and she holds up a six pack of beer. "That for example is mine."

It's not actually mine it's for Teddy when he's over. I stay away from alcohol mostly, afraid it'll interfere with my medication which in turn would be incredibly risky.

I watch as she's delves into the fridge up to her shoulders, making me laugh; she pulls out a foil takeout basket and holds it up. I think back at that one.

"Ribs, I think." I hear her yell into the fridge. "Score!"

She pulls out a clear bottle and I look at her questioningly, I can't tell if it's a beer or soda.

I'm about to speak when I hear the hiss of the bottle opening on the counter and she gulps it down quickly.

"That's good beer."

I gawk at her.

"You didn't."

She nods and begins to laugh. "It was just root beer."

Sam tosses the bottle to me and I catch it, sure enough, it was root beer.

"You scared me."

"What if it had been real," she asks sitting down next to me, in between gnawing on the bone and chewing.

Her beautiful lips covered in brown barbeque sauce.

"I don't know," I say quietly and go back to watching the TV. "Probably would have joined you."

She slaps me in the arm with a have gnawed rib bone and makes a disbelieving face.

"C'mon, no you wouldn't have."

"Again, why not," I say whirling my hands around in the air. "This is my home after all."

"Who bought it for you then doofus," she smirks at me, almost as if she's asking for me to kiss her, even though she's covered in barbeque sauce.

"Heh," I laugh and point at my wallet. "I know a guy."

"Really. Who?"

I can't believe she's asking me like I'm going to tell her his name. I'd never do that.

"Like I'm going to tell you," I laugh and she shrugs.

"It was worth a shot," she licks some sauce off of her fingers and starts in on another rib, and with her mouth full of food, "These ribs are great man."

"I'm getting you a fob for the elevator," I say aloud, and then wonder why I did, she looks up at me with half chewed rib hanging from her mouth. "So if I'm not answering my phone or if I'm not here you don't have to climb up the fire escape and through my window."

She's still staring at me, her eyes wide, like she's frozen in place.

"I'm not asking you to move in with me Sam."

She starts chewing again, slowly, and she's still watching me. The shock on her face is a little more than I was expecting, don't quite know if this is good or not.

"Umm are you okay?"

"I don't know," Sam puts the ribs on the table, and wipes the barbeque sauce off on her hand and then wipes her hand onto my old sweats. "Are you sure?"

"Yup," I say it with a nod, because I am sure.

"What if you're with someone else," Sam suggests, and I look at her not knowing what that means exactly.

"Do what," I say what I'm thinking here and I'm almost insulted by the accusation.

"What," She shrugs, and I still don't know what she means. "We're not exclusive yet, you never asked me to be your girlfriend."

I sputter trying my best to not spaz out.

"I need to ask you to, after all this?"

"Mama needs to know how much you care," Sam says throwing her hand up into the air, "I don't mind being your girl, but I want to be your girlfriend, and I want you to call me that too."

"Uhhh," I feel my right eye beginning to twitch a bit. "Okay, Samantha Puckett, will you be my girlfriend?"

Sam's scream hurts my ears as she bounces up and down on my couch, then leaps up and starts jumping on it.

"Where's my phone?"

I point to the counter and she jumps off of the couch and lands in a run to the counter.

She dials quickly and starts screaming as soon as I hear a voice on the other line, and now I hear screaming on the other end of the line too.

I laugh and she winks at me, I wink back at her and she does a twirl on her heels, my shirt fluttering around her. She's telling Carly about us, about everything we've done today.

I'm up, trying to climb over the back of the couch, and falling.

"Not everything!" Is all I manage to get out before hitting the floor. "Don't' tell her that!"

Sam laughs describing what I'm doing.

"Carly wants to know if we can come over for dinner."

I look at her from the floor, my brow furrowed, and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

"Maybe yeah, I guess so."

"He said yes!" Sam squeals, and that surprises me.

I didn't know she could squeal and then she hangs up and leaps at me, landing on me and swinging a leg over my waist she grabs my shirt in both hands and kisses me.

"So you're my boyfriend now?"

"I thought that was implied," I say between her myriad of kisses. Sam shrugs and bounces on my lap. "That's not a good idea."

She furrows her brow at first and then feels me in under her, growing harder.

"Is that for me?"

"For you, because of you," I say in a shrug, both very true. "You're incredibly sexy when you're happy, angry, sad, hungry, pretty much all the time."

She looks at me with a sudden hunger and tinge of doubt in her eyes.

"You think I'm sexy?"

I stammer a bit trying to put my thoughts in order. "Sexiest woman I've ever seen."

Clichéd, true, and not entirely what I wanted to say, but she blushes and her eyes start to water.

"Seriously?" I flip over again, to where I'm on top, and I slip a hand in under the sweat pants she's wearing and pull them off. "Billy, what are you doing?"

I lower my mouth to her beautiful veiled parts, and kiss her there lightly, flicking my tongue out slowly. She lets out a gasp that fills my ears with all the direction I need, so I continue, and the taste of her on my tongue is amazing, sweet and salty, her scent reflecting that.

She bucks against my lips, shouting my name between moans, she pleads with me not to stop.

Sliding my tongue around, flicking it lightly against her and each time I do she starts to shake, her thighs clench my head as Sam bellows out a scream, falling limp onto the floor gasping for breath.

I move my way up her, brushing her shirt up to her chest as I kiss her belly, making her moan loudly each time I do. I move my way around her, to look at her face, and she's smiling, wider and truer than I've ever seen her smile. She tries to look at me but can't keep her eyes open.

"Billy, what was that?"

"An orgasm?" I ask her and she starts giggling, threading her fingers into her hair and she shakes her head.

"No."

Gasping for air isn't making it easier for her to speak, but the smile on her face fills me with a fulfilled feeling that makes me want to start singing.

"Why'd you do that?"

"To prove how fucking, mind bogglingly, sexy you are."

She laughs slapping me in the arm. "I believed you, and I just wanted to hear you say it over and over again."

I collapse onto the floor next to her, letting my head loll to the side so I can look at her, as she pats me on the arm.

"We're going to be doing that again right?" Her question makes me laugh, because I could do it without stopping for a very long period of time, Sam's taste is addictive. She slaps me in the chest. "Hey, we're going to do that again right?"

There's worry to her voice and that makes me smile.

"I'll do it again in a few minutes if you want, I'll do it anytime you want me, any place you want. I'll do it all night if you want me to."

Her laugh is intoxicating, disjointed, making her sound slightly high as she tells me to not get ahead of myself. She sits up slowly and looks down at me.

"We have to go to Carly's don't we?"

"I said maybe, you said yes," I remind her and she collapses on top of me, her lips meeting mine in a slow, lazy but wonderful kiss.

"I want to do this all day," Sam sighs, and I wouldn't mind that myself. "My clothes aren't dry though."

"Why can't you wear what you're currently wearing," I suggest, and she shakes her head, her beautiful bouncy blonde hair dangling in my face.

"I don't even have pants on Billy," The laugh that accompanies those words is as always beautiful and enticing.

"That's why I said it," I sound confused, and I meant for it to sound that way, Sam slaps me on the chest again and I can't help but laugh.

She leaves her hand on my chest where it landed and slowly rubs her fingers into my chest, and I love the way she touches me, and slaps at me. It's her way of being affectionate.

"I guess I could call and cancel," I think she is trying to test me or tease me I can't tell.

"Why don't you just tell her we're going to be a little late?"

She nods like she didn't think of that, and rolls off of me to make the call.

I start to smile, and get the idea to tease her while she's on the phone. I roll over and slide my unbroken hand down her exposed abdomen, and gently start rubbing her still warm opening as Carly answers the call, Sam can't speak, her eyes fluttering and lips trembling in pleasure.

She bites her lips and grabs my hand.

"Slower."

I move my hand slower as she lets out a long moan and I can hear Carly screaming, "EWWWWW!" on the side of the receiver, I can't help but laugh.

"We're going to be a little late tonight, sorry." Carly sighs loudly and hangs up the phone, Sam laughs wildly as I continue to rub her. "I may not go to school tomorrow."

I stop and she slaps at my hand.

"Why?"

"So we can do this all day," she says working my hand for me.

"You're going to school," I say and slip a finger into her tight opening, resuming control of my hand working my finger inside of her as she starts to moan louder. "We have all weekend for this."

"No…"

Her whine mixes with a moan, and I kiss her neck tasting the sweat on her skin, it makes me smile against her neck.

"I'll keep going if you go tomorrow." I'm bargaining with her, she's good at this. "Promise you'll go and I'll go further."

She's not listening, her eyes are shut tight, a smile wide on her face, and I continue anyway, kissing her neck, sliding my finger in and out of her feeling her shake against me as she works her hips in tandem with my hand.

Sam opens her eyes as her phone goes off. "No, it's Spencer."

I think, don't answer it but don't say it, not sure why I don't though, and she does.

"What's up Spencer?"

"Carly started screaming at me to call you," He sounds incredibly annoyed. "Says you're doing … naughty … things."

That last bit he utters in a whisper, I laugh and he hears me and starts the yell.

"Hey keep your hands to yourself!"

"Spencer, I'm fine," she laughs as he makes a series of strange noises, I guess denoting that he's not listening, "We're not doing anything naughty, he was massaging my feet."

"Oh, well in that case," Spencer whispers. "Why are you gonna be late?"

"Waiting for my clothes to dry, no I've got clothes on, he gave me clothes Spencer I'm fine." She just talks right over him and that smile never leaves her face even when I kiss her. I can hear Spencer shouting about the silence. "We'll be over in a few minutes, promise."

She hangs up the phone and kisses me back.

"So I guess we should get ready."

"Yeah," I nod with a faint smile.

I need to check on her clothes which I hope are done. I cross to the utility room opening the push door as my heart pounds, my brain finally checking in on what I'm doing. I can feel a hum in my body, like it's vibrating at top speed my ears echo the noise as I place my hands atop the running dryer.

The movement brings it to me, reality crashing in on me.

"I'm so in love," I say it out loud and hear the push door swing shut behind me.

I feel her hand slide its way around my waist and the warmth of her body pressed against my back.

"I'm so in love."

"One more time."

It's a whisper, and I can barely hear it over the rumble of the dryer. She snakes her other hand around me in a hug and I sigh heavily a smile forming on my face.

"I'm so in love with you."


	9. Chapter 8

**_Author's Note: After this things go from "DAWWWWWWWW" to "DRAMA" in the drop of a hat. Also stay tuned for delays on some later chapters, turns out I may not be happy with a few things or even add more for your enjoyment. I'm just like George Lucas, I know. Also I want to thank everyone who's put me on alerts for Fav. Author & Story, it means so much to me. Also I want to say that I've been getting a lot of insanely positive feedback on Billy, IF YOU LIKE HIM REVIEW THIS STORY NOW, PM ME OR FOLLOW ME AND TELL ME SO ON TWITTER I'm _****User1_FlynnK**! It is vitally important that you do, despite it being finished, I just might pull a full on Lucas and re-edit this story's ending heavily depending on the response.

**_With Love and Respect,_**

**_User1-FlynnK_**

_Sam-_

We end up at Carly's, my clothes only slightly damp after the dryer.

Billy looks nervous, and I'm not sure why he would be, so I grab his hand with a squeeze. He looks at me with wide eyes as Spencer serves dinner, spaghetti tacos. His eyes waver a minute and look down at the plate. I can see Freddie trying his hardest not to laugh, and I scowl at him. He sticks his tongue out at me with a smile.

I find his leg and give a swift kick as I hear Carly yelp in pain

"Sam, why'd you kick me?"

I sputter out an apology as Freddie laughs wildly. Spencer shakes his head as he sits down next to Carly.

We eat slowly talking about the upcoming show, Freddie tries to talk about martial arts and Carly shushes him.

Billy just sits taking it all in with a smile, taking small bites of his spaghetti tacos, his eyes seem to focus on everyone as they talk and smile as if he's never been in such a friendly place. I try not to think of his childhood, growing up without his parents, alienated from kids his own age because of his money. Billy does occasionally break in with something to say, comments on everything from the show to tips and help with homework.

We do eventually finish dinner, and Billy praises the pairing of spaghetti with taco shells, but I can tell he either didn't like it or that he isn't feeling well.

Everyone sits for a bit, just talking, relaxing after the meal but I can tell he's getting antsy and I'm not sure why. I look at him and he closes he presses his eyes shut. His jaw clenched.

I lean over to him and whisper."Are you okay?"

He shakes his head and places a hand on his abdomen. He must be in so much pain right now. Billy lurches, bracing himself on the table. It's not very noticeable but Spencer's eyes narrow slightly.

Billy lets out a low groan, and scoots away from the table to stand.

"I'm sorry to interrupt such a good evening but I have to go home."

Spencer stands and tries to look Billy in the eyes."You going to be okay?"

Billy nods bracing himself against the table again.

"It's just cramping, and this happens, it'll pass in a bit."

Carly looks at me with worry and I shrug. Freddie clears his throat and speaks being his usual geeky self. "It's a side effect of his chemotherapy."

Billy nods and walks slowly to the door, he must be in a lot of pain not to realize I'm still sitting, watching him stagger. He stops and shoves a hand into his pocket, pulling out a pill container he holds it up in victory.

"Where is your restroom?"

Spencer helps guide Billy to his bathroom, and comes back looking worried.

"That guy's getting torn up by all of this."

Freddie sighs. "It's the cost of wanting to live longer than the cancer will allow."

"Pretty deep there Freddo." Spencer smirks at him.

Freddie nods a frown on his face.

"I've been reading up on it, it's not pleasant."

We hear the door open and Billy cough lightly as he enters the living room. He's still staggering but not as bad. He rattles the little container at us with a stiff smile, his face still a mask of pain.

"Thank God I remembered my meds."

I get up and go to him, putting a hand on his abdomen and I can feel his insides wrestling with what's going on. He looks down into my eyes and I feel a smile spread across my face.

"You going to be okay?"

He nods slowly smiling back, "But I do have to go home, just in case."

I pout pushing out my lower lip, teasing him as he grabs it gently between his thumb and pointer finger giving it a gentle tug, then letting go. The sensation lights my senses up and I realize that everyone is watching, and giggling. But I know Billy doesn't care.

"I have to go, and I'll call Teddy over so I'm not alone."

"What if I took care of you tonight," I offer it up and he smiles wide, a smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes making them sparkle. "I'm being serious."

"I know you are, but you have school."

I lightly tap the tip of his shoe with mine and he laughs.

"You could drop me off in the morning."

"Stay with Carly."

He strokes my hair gently, with a caring smile that makes me all warm and fuzzy, and I hear Freddie ruin the moment by going; 'aw.'

I turn to glare at him and I see Carly smack him in the back of the head and it makes me smile. I feel Billy leave my side and head towards the door smoothly. I turn around to glare at him but the door is already closing.

Then I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

Sam, I love you, have a good night.

Yours,

Billy

The text makes me smile, and I know why he did it but it still doesn't excuse it. I run over to the table and take a seat, and we talk until we have to sleep, Spencer ushering Carly and I upstairs as Freddie goes across the hall.

Carly and I pile up in the same bed, just as we have for years now and stare at the ceiling in an awkward silence. I feel Carly grab my hand as she sighs.

"You're happy right Sam?"

"With Billy?" I ask, knowing that's what she means.

"Yeah," I feel her weight shift slowly in the bed and I can feel her eyes on me. "He's nice to you and all right?"

"Carls," I sigh heavily, not wanting to argue.

I'm not tired, but I really don't have it in me to argue with her over this again.

"I'm just asking," She says it like she's innocent and I don't believe her, but I give in because it's her.

"Billy's awesome, Carls," and I mean that, he is awesome. "And he makes me really happy."

"Good."

That's all she says as I hear her drift off to sleep. But I'm left wondering why she asked, why she brought it up now. All that really matters is that I'm happy, that he makes me happy, and that he is so mine.

I hear the fire alarm before I even realize what's going on, this not being the first time it's happened I get up and realize that I fell asleep not even realizing it had happened.

I go to grab my cell and Carly's up beside me before Spencer slams into the door screaming our names, Carly rushes to open the door as Spencer flies to us and grabs us up carrying us out of the apartment. I briefly get to see the kitchen completely blackened and in flame before we end up in the hallway.

Spencer goes for the extinguisher as Freddie goes flying past us in his bathrobe with an industrial sized fire extinguisher in his arms.

They try and fight the fire as best they can as Mrs. Benson calls the fire department for them.

I look at the time on my pear phone and hope that Billy is still up. I dial his number and wander off down the hall, listening to his phone ring on the other end.

Eventually he picks up, his voice thick and husky with sleep.

"What's up?"

"Spencer set fire to their kitchen," I exaggerate a sigh and I hear him laugh. "I might need a place to stay for the rest of the night Billy."

He just keeps laughing slowly, like he knew this was coming, and I hate him for being so damn smart for a second. I hear him moving on the other end, mumbling in between laughter making me wish I was with him, making me wish that I was in his arms.

I hear him speak lightly, telling Teddy he has to pick me up and I smile knowing he kept his promise. Teddy swears and tells him he'll be gone when we get back to which we both end up laughing. I feel Carly's head on my shoulder as Billy tells me he'll be there in a few minutes.

"Looks like we'll be staying at a hotel for a few days Sam," Carly sighs as the fire department rushes past us out of the elevator. "You are going to stay with Billy tonight after all?"

I nod and she laughs.

"You didn't set the kitchen on fire did you?"

We both end up laughing at that knowing Spencer did it.

Minutes pass and I feel my phone vibrate and answer it. Billy tells me he's down stairs and I hug Carly goodnight. I ride the elevator down to the lobby and meet him there.

He's dressed in gym shorts, a loose fitting white t shirt and a hoodie, and he still looks sexy even tired. I take his hand as we walk to the car park and fall asleep on the ride to his loft. I feel him scoop me up out of the seat and carry me up to his loft, his arms strong in under me.

I feel his couch in under me, the squeak of the leather loud in my ears, the feeling of his lips on my forehead. I wake up enough to see him drape his hoodie over me and wander off around the couch towards his bed. I close my eyes and listen to him groan as he gets back into his bed.

Then I get up and move slowly to his bed, pulling off my pajama shirt, slipping out of my pajama pants I slide in next to him.

I lay my hand on his chest and he startles awake, his eyes searching my face his mouth open in shock. I feel my heart picking up speed as I drag my fingers down his shirt, and gently let them linger over his crotch feeling him grow at my touch.

He stammers a bit trying to say something as I kiss him.

I slip my hand under his shorts and grab him making him break our kiss. I move up and down his length feeling it throb in my hand, I smile at him as he closes his eyes and moans. I giggle at him and kiss his cheek as I let go of him, pulling my hand out of his shorts.

Teasing him ought to teach him a lesson about leaving me on his couch. He laughs and pulls me into his arms. I lay my head down on his chest listening to his heart beat quicken and then slow to match his breathing.

I do eventually fall asleep, and only wake up to the smell of pancakes and frying bacon. I lift myself out of his bed slowly, realizing I'm still not wearing anything but my underwear so I quickly pull the sheet up around me and watch him cook.

He moves quick and sure, flipping pancakes, managing bacon and plating food all at the same time. Billy keeps finding ways to amaze me.

He turns around with a plate in his hands laying it gently onto the counter and looks up at me smiling.

"I hope you're hungry."

I smile, seeing at the foot of the bed my pajamas, which smell lightly of smoke. I slip my shirt over my head and get out of his bed, making my way to the counter, the cold concrete on my feet sends a chill up my spine.

The leather of the stool's not much better as I feel Goosebumps break out across my body.

Billy turns back to the stove top and plates up more food. Turning back to me smiling as he begins to eat.

The pancakes are light and fluffy, they taste wonderful, and the bacon is perfect. I look at him and he nods, like he knows what I'm thinking. He bites a piece of bacon with a laugh, and with his fork slides my phone over to me and taps the screen.

I look at it and realize what time it is, it's way past time to be at school and Carly is going to kill me. I stare up at him and he nods again.

"Teddy called your principal for me, after the fire I figured you needed some sleep."

"Carly is going to kill me," he shrugs and smiles. "What?"

"She stayed home too, to help Spencer with clean up." Billy has this confident smirk on his face, and it makes me want to punch him. "You've got the day off, just as you wanted."

I can't help but smile at him as I chew on some bacon, he's so damn smart and I love it.

He winks at me and comes around the counter as I finish chewing, taking me into his arms and kisses me. His lips part against mine in a smile, he handles my weight with ease, despite his broken hand. He pulls away to look at me, his eyes bright and gray; filled with a joy that I've never really seen when people look at me.

He leans in to kiss me again, slower this time, with more passion and tenderness than before making my stomach fill with butterflies.

My body heats up; as the kiss goes on I wrap my arms around his neck and let myself go into his arms easing into the comfort of his pulls away and we gasp into each other's mouths and I find his eyes locked onto mine that joy, caring and love still there.

We're both out of breath, both of us shaken and confused. He smiles at me, that same cocky, beautiful, knowing smile; a chuckle escapes through his lips as he gazes into my eyes.

"Good morning," he says it so faintly that I can't help but laugh. "You're beautiful."

I feel myself blush, the heat of it in my cheeks spreading to my ears, and I can't help the grin that spreads across my face. I do my best to look into his eyes and convey all that I feel just as he does.

He looks into my eyes, unwavering, unafraid and kisses me again, lightly this time. He lets go of me, and I reluctantly let go of him as he makes his way back to his breakfast.

"Eat up, Sam," he says taking a big bite of pancakes and chewing quickly. "We have a big day ahead of us."

I wonder how long he's been up, what he's planning for the day and it makes me excited for the day. I continue eating, we just look at each other in silence smiling and chewing.

His eyes have a devious look to them it turns me on and make feel self-conscious all at the same time. I smirk back at him, his expression changes; his brow furrowing as his squints at me.

"What?" I ask him trying my best not to smile.

"Nothing," He chuckles. "Nothing at all."

I slide a finger under a pancake, lifting it a bit as I watch his eyes dart between it and my face. I slide my hand in under it not caring if it is covered in syrup and launch it at him.

He moves quickly with an awed look on his face, he smiles at me his eyes wide.

"What was that for?"

"I don't like surprises."

He puts his fork down onto the counter and comes over to me. He quickly slides an arm under my legs and picks me up, cradling me in his arms. He jogs over to the bed and tosses me onto it.

I land with a bounce and look up at him indignantly still hungry for the food he'd cooked. He pulls his shirt off over his head and crawls onto the bed as I begin to back away, a wicked smile playing on my lips.

"Come get me," I say and bolt from the bed, running to the center of his loft."You want me, you gotta catch me Billy."

He gets up off the bed and looks at me, his chest lifting slowly with each breath, his muscles there for me to gawk at.

Taking a step toward me a quick smirk passes his lips as he moves quickly in one direction, faking me out and catching me in his arms before I end up twirling out from his hands. I end up against the wall, bracing myself and laughing, panting with joy.

He takes a step closer to me, his eyes are filled with a dark want and it makes parts of me burn.

I suddenly find myself clenching my fists, my nails digging into my palms as I think about his tongue sliding into me, the thought of it making me lose my breath in anticipation.

Billy's smirk turns into an evil grin as he rushes, I try and dodge him but he manages to corner me against the wall. I feel his good hand on my waist and I shiver under it, my eyes locking onto his I try and speak but he quiets me with his mouth, kissing me. I feel my eyes close instinctively, taking in the feeling of his lips on mine, the way his tongue teases my lower lip as he gently sucks on it.

His hand moves away from my waist to slide in under my shirt causing me to buck against him, the skin of his palm rough and soft at the same time against mine. He breaks our kiss, moving his lips down my neck as I let out a small moan as he glides his fingertips over my belly and up to my breast.

He's gentle even as he plays with it, giving a soft squeeze that makes me giggle.

He nips at my slightly exposed collar bone and it lights my skin on fire. I push him back a bit and he looks at me suddenly, worry in his eyes and not anger like I was afraid would be there.

Catching my eye I can tell he looks a little scared so I kiss him, biting at his lower lip, the sound of his laugh my reward. I pull away again, suddenly not understanding why he's being so nice and his eyes light up with a deeper worry.

His hand drops out from under my shirt and I groan as he cups my cheek and rubs it with his thumb.

"Are you okay?"

He asks it as if there were a simple answer, and I don't want to talk about this. I want him to kiss me again, so I don't have to feel insecure and weak. But his eyes show his determination at getting me to talk so I smile at him and try and wave it off as he shakes his head.

Keeping his eyes locked onto mine he doesn't let me avoid his gaze, and it's making me feel stupid.

"Talk to me, Sam," he says it so simply. I don't like talking, I want kissing. "Please babe, talk to me."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I know this takes him off guard and he backs up a bit, his hand falling from my cheek.

I don't know why I'm so stupid.

"I don't understand the question," he laughs and it makes me angry, like he's not taking me seriously.

"I mean," I pause for a second, trying to get everything straight. "You make me breakfast, you've bought me food, you're being so soft and caring with me, why?"

His face is still a mask of confusion as he laughs.

"I don't understand."

I lash out and punch him in the arm, he recoils looking at me sharply, shock on his face.

"Stop laughing at me, I'm being serious."

"What the fuck," He raises his hand to rub where I hit him. "I was being nice to you because you're my girlfriend and you deserve it."

"No one's ever treated me this nice except for Carly and Spencer and-," I almost said 'Freddie' but caught myself just in time.

I've always neglected to mention him, I don't want to find out how Billy will react if he finds out we dated.

And I really need Billy in my life, because it's been tough as hell to even get over Freddie and the way he looked at me, the way he kissed me, the way we were. I shake my head trying to clear my mind and I catch Billy giving me a wary look.

"I can't show you how much you're wanted here," he asks taking a step closer. "I can't be tender with you?"

I stutter as I look into his eyes to find a dark curiosity, it's full of the hunger from before but it seems so much more guarded now. I can't figure out what to say as he continues.

"I can't treat you nice because I love you or because you're my girlfriend?"

I shut my mouth and just look at him, setting my jaw into place and listening.

"Why can't I be tender with you," his breath catches in his throat for a second as he looks into my eyes. "Why can't I be soft with you?"

"I didn't say," I stutter again, and it's pissing me off that I can't find a way to talk.

"You haven't exactly had a nice life," he says it so plainly, and I feel myself grow a bit angry. "Neither have I, but why can't I treat you with all the sweetness, softness and nicety that I can? Why can't I make this a nice thing to look back upon and remember?"

"You grew up rich, how could you not have had a nice life?"

"I grew up knowing my parents and then they died sweetheart," his eyes waiver for a second. "My Grandparents cared, but not enough for me to have a nice life or money"

I honestly don't know what to say to that, I can't think as he took another step closer to me.

"I got bullied because I had money," he kept going, and I don't realize he might be a little more damaged than he let on. Then again, I'd thought about him getting bullied about his money earlier, but I didn't think it was true. "Cancer hasn't exactly been a joyous event so far, either."

Shit, sometimes I forgot he actually had cancer. He acted so normal sometimes. I sigh letting my head drop and I feel his fingers lifting my head up by the chin.

"So why can't I make this as nice for both of us as we both know we deserve it to be?"

I shake my head and he smiles at me, it's not a cocky smile, or even a smirk, it's an honest smile.

"I'm not used to all of this," I tell him and he pulls me to him in a hug, resting his cheek against my forehead.

"Get used to it," he whispers it as I slide my arms around him letting my head rest against his bare chest. "Why do our moods seem to be getting derailed?"

I laugh against his chest.

"I don't know about you, but I think I could keep going."

I let one of my hands slide down and around to his bulge, giving it a slight squeeze.

His gasp of pleasure made me smile as I tenderly kiss the red spot on his chest, my tongue flicking out against the spot making him shiver. Slipping my hand into his sweats I felt him grow and throb in my grasp, his body instantly relaxing but tensing with every stroke as I began to work my hand.

Pushing me lightly against the wall he leans down to kiss me, his breath wild and jagged with pleasure. I break the kiss to smile at him, watching his eyes trace the outline of my lips makes me want him even more.

With a slight jump I feel his fingertips playing with my underwear, lightly rubbing the cloth over my growing wetness.

I hadn't even noticed when he moved his hand, his eyes distracting me a devious smile appearing on his lips. I let out a gasp of my own as he pulls the bottom of my underwear aside his fingers rubbing against me as he gently slides a finger into me.

Biting my bottom lip, trying my best to keep my composure I let out a loud moan as he begins sliding his finger in and out slowly, rubbing at my inner walls.

I let go of him, my body going limp with pleasure, my eyes closing as I rest my head against the wall.

I feel his lips brush against my ear as he whispers.

"There's this spot right here."

He presses his finger against the spot and I buck against his hand, a low pleasure filled scream escapes my lips.

I start to lose control and wrap my arms around his neck quickly, my legs go all rubbery and I can't stand as he slowly works his finger in and out of me. The feeling blocks any thought that's not about him or what's happening from my head as I dig my nails into his back and neck causing him to gasp in pain.

I let out another scream as he presses against the spot, feeling my muscles begin to tense and shake as my hips begin to move with his hand.

"Are you going to cum for me?"

The whisper causes me to call out his name and I distantly hear him chuckle in approval. I feel his lips as the rim of my ear, tenderly making me blush as my body is rocked with wave after wave of pleasure.

"Please cum for me Sam."

I twist my head to meet his eyes, forcing mine open to stare into them. I wanted to see his expression, to see him react.

His eyes full of a dark hunger but that underlying love and caring was there and it makes me smile as I moan and gasp at his finger inside of me. I pull him to me to kiss him, our mouths pressing together our tongues running over each other, nipping lightly at our bottom lips as he slowly picks up speed with his finger.

I feel the urge to orgasm burning my every nerve, lighting me on fire as I finally let it go throwing my head back to try and scream.

His lips find my neck instantly as my body start to shake and shiver uncontrollably, cutting off my scream. My inner walls convulse around his finger and I can feel his smile against my skin and I pant out his name.

"Billy, my God, Billy."

"What would you like to do today," he asks and I can't help but laugh.


	10. Please excuse our Technical Difficulties

**Thank you for standing by. Although if you're just joining us please skip ahead to Chapter 9 to continue on with the story! Thanks again for reading and review if you've got the time to.**

Hello Dear Readers,

This is a Public Service Announcement from your fair author, due to some technical difficulties on my end … okay it's more like Lucansian Tendencies I've begun reworking the latter half of this story. As soon as the next chapter is back from Beta, hopefully today, if not then as soon as it is it'll get posted. I'm sorry to have to interrupt the flow. However I'm striving for Quality over Quantity right now, I want this to be as good as I can make it.

I also want to apologize in advance and for any prior instances of character breakage, and or strange dialogue from characters. I'm trying my best to fit into this world, putting more work into this than most of you will know to make it as true as I can manage to make it. I hope you understand that.

I will not and am not abandoning this story or these characters. This all came about because I realized the existing story was not substantial enough to go into a sequel. It is now, I'm working on finishing it ... again. So please bear with me.

While I strive to make this better for you my dear readers, please enjoy whatever the hell Dan Schneider has in store for us. As always the only thing I own in all of this is Billy Cohen, Teddy, and Sal, the rest are just me borrowing his toys.

Sincerely,

User1-FlynnK


	11. Chapter 9

_**Author's Note: This chapter and on are Co-Authored by TheWrtrInMe and DwynArthur, they inspired me and suggested things that had never even occurred to me as I continue writing like a madman to finish this book. So here is one last thanks to them before we get this wagon train moving. The Drama is about to explode within the next few chapters oh ... and finally without further ado and some lemony fresh goodness, Chapter 9.**  
_

_**User1-FlynnK  
**_

_Billy-_

Shopping, that's what she decides she wants to do? It makes me laugh, with her still in my arms, still up against the wall. I am well and truly in love with this girl. I know she says she loves me, but there's something there a hesitation that scares me. I can see it in her eyes, in the way she looks at me. But as we eventually sit and finish our meal, which is regrettably cold by now, I can't help but feel a dread creeping over me.

I sit across from her, the tension growing to a tremendous crescendo until she breaks it with that smile. I return the smile with a laugh, "Awkward huh?"

She nods bursting out into laughter, "I don't see why this is any different than last night Cohen?"

"Me neither," I say with a shrug because I really don't understand it, "Perhaps it's because we've sort of crossed a threshold, from chaste teen fooling around to you sleeping over."

I look at her and I see it flash across her face, doubt, and then that smile again, "Well what if we made it less awkward?"

I quirk an eye brow at her putting my fork down and smile, "How do we go about that?"

Suddenly my heart is pumping, not knowing which direction this could go in, hoping for every direction at once. Sam get's up coming around the counter and leading me to the couch, slipping her hands into the waist band of my shorts. Pushing me down onto it I look up at her as she lowers herself down onto my lap, straddling me. Her lips connect with mine, slowly, tentatively; my skin becomes a hot bed, burning with sensation as she runs her hands under my shirt.

"I think it's time I was nice to you Billy," She says it with that wicked smile, a glint of mischievous delight in those glacial blue eyes. Raising her hands and pulling my shirt up I follow suit, lifting my arms so she can pull it off.

Flinging it across the room she begins rocking her hips against me, my body suddenly matching her rhythm as I watch in awe as she removes her own shirt, a blush rising in her cheeks. My eyes wander over her perfect body, taking in every sight, every freckle and mole as her beauty begins to burn my brain. I can't think … I just act burying my face into her chest and gently nip at the soft skin between her breasts.

Her moans fill the loft as I run my tongue slowly over one of her nipples, causing her to buck against me. I lose all sense, all logic as I growl against her skin causing her to laugh, "Easy boy."

I move suddenly, wrapping my right arm around her waist, flipping her onto the couch and lowering myself down on top of her. The feeling of her legs wrapping against my waist drives me insane. I can't handle this, and I'm losing it. Having trouble focusing, I look into her eyes, the playfulness there alive and begging me to go further but I resist, trying to push the animal in me back into its cage.

"How far?" It's all I can get out, but I see in her eyes that she understands as she slips a hand to the back of my neck pulling me down near her mouth, her lips brushing past my ear.

"I'm yours," she whispers and it makes me physically shudder, my body shaking as I try to keep myself under control. "What do you need?"

"I need you, more than you know Sam," I say it without thinking, without realizing the implications. I don't know if she gets that I'm saying I need her more than physically, I need her to keep going, I can't lose this girl, I just can't. I've lost so much already, my life, my family.

But all of that gets shut out as her other hand finds its way into my shorts and giving me a squeeze that makes me gasp, "Then take me Billy."

I shut my eyes tightly, squeezing them closed. I can't lose control with her, not in any way shape or form, I just can't but she's pushing me to, pushing me to let myself fall so she can pick me up. I grab at her boy shorts, tugging them down with my left hand, not caring what's going on, only knowing that I need this.

She quickly removes my shorts, grabbing me forcefully but gently, working me with her hand. I feel her lips moving against my ear and it causes me to shudder again, "Do you need to be inside me Billy?"

I can't answer, I just gasp, trying to force the word out of my throat, but finding myself useless. I hear her chuckle, as she guides me into her slowly with what sounds like a painful gasp, "Go slow."

My eyes pop open as I feel her around me, her hips moving slowly, tiny painful gasps escaping her perfect lips and I pull out, suddenly afraid I've hurt her, backing away from her and landing on the floor, my mind reeling. I shake my head no … no, what's wrong with me dammit?

She rushes to my side, her hands cradling my face, "What's wrong?"

I suddenly feel alone, I don't know why, I have this beautiful woman sitting naked in front of me, wanting me to be with her and here I am crippled by what fear? I don't even know.

"Billy dammit, answer me!"

That snaps me out of it, and I look up at her, shaking my head, "I'm sorry, I'm so goddamned stupid Sam."

She slaps in the shoulder, "You're not stupid, just talk to me okay?"

"I'm sorry, I … I'm afraid okay, I've never felt this way before Sam." I say it feeling tears suddenly itch to be let go. "It scares me to need someone this much, I'm afraid."

She tilts her head looking into my eyes, "Why are you scared?"

"I'm afraid you'll leave me," I say it and it sounds stupid, but it's true.

"What's wrong with you Cohen?" she asks with a laugh, "I spent the night, I just had you inside me, you literally just took my virginity, and you're afraid I'm going to leave you?"

I shake my head, "I miss my parents Sam, I miss my brother I don't have anyone else to turn to but you Sam and I can't lose that not now."

"Wait," Sam sounds a little shocked, "You have a brother?"

I nod. "He lives in Chicago, five years older than me, and we got split up after my parents died, lost contact after that too."

"So just because he's in Chicago doesn't mean I'm the only one you have, you have him, your uncle and your grandparents, c'mon." she says shaking me lightly, a shy smile showing on her face.

"But I don't need them like I need you, Sam." Why am I telling her this?

She looks at me, her eyes cautious "I don't understand, Billy?"

"I was so afraid during this last week, afraid that I'd lost you, that I had hurt you, and it killed me to think that." I hang my head not wanting to look at her, "I realized that I need you in my life Sam, you make it so much brighter, so much happier, and you're keeping me from going insane."

"I love you," She pulls me to her, and I feel the smooth skin of her chest against my cheek, "I'm here for you Billy, remember that."

"I'm such a girl," We end up laughing together, "I can't believe I just fucked up our first time together."

"Me neither, you owe me Cohen."

"How about an early birthday gift?" I say with a chuckle. "You said you wanted to go shopping."

"Yes," She says it so excitedly, "And food, I'm starving."

We do end up at the mall, window shopping mostly despite my multiple offers to buy her anything she wants. It's not like I couldn't afford it, it isn't until we hit the Pear Store that she accepts my offer, making me buy her a brand new Pear Pad, which I do without thinking. But as we sit and eat, she continues to look at the box, a bemused expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" It's a simple question, but I don't think she'll answer it.

She smiles up at me, a smile brighter than I've ever seen from her. She begins to laugh as she tells me about Freddie's technology boner, about how he went nuts when she set up her own computer without him and made her swear to never let it happen again. I watch her as she remembers the exchange. Her eyes alight with a joy and love I don't see when she looks at me. It's a realization that causes me to come crashing down even further.

I laugh, shaking my head, "You didn't have me buy that just to make him jealous did you?"

I say it jokingly, but a part of me really wants to know, I see the way they look at each other, glances and such, but she's with me so why should I care right?

"No," she sighs heavily shaking her head. "Okay maybe a bit, but not like that."

I nod with a false laugh, hoping she won't catch on, "Uh huh, sure."

"I'm serious," She says looking me in the eyes, "Freddie and I aren't like that, he's one of my best friends, and I love to torture him."

"I've noticed," I laugh, not knowing what else to do. "You love the little nerd don't you?"

"Of course, he's my friend," She says it without looking up at me, and now my appetite is gone, and it has nothing to with the chemo. "Do you mind if we swing by Bushwell, so I can flaunt my birthday gift?"

I shrug, "Why not?"

"He's going to enjoy getting to play around with this thing," She laughs, a joy I've not seen before on her face and I feel the bitter pangs of jealousy running through my veins.

"I could set that up for you if you want," I say holding my hand out in offer, but she shakes her head.

"Naw." She looks up at me and I see it in her eyes; that hesitation has a name. "He'd be upset if I didn't let him play tech jockey with my toy."

"Yeah … he seems like the type." I say not able to break my eyes away. I excuse myself, claiming restroom reasons, reassuring her I'm okay and she smiles up at me. It's the smile that tells me she loves me, but the hesitation in her eyes tells me she's in love with him.

I look into the mirror, locking the door behind me speaking aloud to myself, "She's with you Billy, with you."

I feel a jealous anger rush forward into me, and I bite it back. They've been friends most of their lives, and I'm the new guy. I don't know how they act around each other. Oh that's bullshit … yes I do, I've watched almost five years worth of webcasts where she did nothing but berate, insult and hit the little fucking nerd. I saw the progression, the way she grew to look past the camera, that longing in her eyes, the one you wish she looked at you with.

I don't want this to happen; for this jealousy to rear its head and taint what I've got with her. But I see it now Freddie's a very real threat to me, why couldn't I have seen this before.

I really can't lose her, I can't.


	12. Chapter 10

_**Author's Note: What's this? It's not Billy or Sam, looks like we have a new contender in the ring everybody! I told you give it time and Seddie would appear. The drama truly begins in earnest here. Thank you for reading and please review.**  
_

_**User1-FlynnK  
**_

_Freddie –_

I get home from school and look into the mirror, smirking at myself, God I look like shit. I'd been having trouble sleeping since … no that's a lie, I've been having trouble doing anything since Sam and I broke up a few months ago.

Now she has this guy Billy in her life. Sure as hell didn't take her long to get over us.

Then again, it's not like we didn't both decide to end it. Perhaps she really was forcing it, or perhaps she's just trying not to think about us. I let out a low angry moan and I hear my mom scream for me, asking me if I'm sick.

God, I'm so pathetic!

"I'm fine, mom," I yell back to her grimacing at my reflection.

He's taller than me, more muscular, and athletic. He seems to be really smart too, which scares the crap out of me.

I'm in love with her, I can't turn to Carly, it would just validate whatever the hell is running through her head right now. I can't turn to my mom. She likes Sam, but is happy now that I stopped dating her. I could talk to Spencer, or perhaps Gibby.

I laugh and think of the conversation I'd have with Gibby. He'd refuse anyway. He wanted us apart just as bad as Carly and my mom did.

I close my bathroom door and turn the shower on, letting the water run as hot as it can get so steam will fill the room. I collapse onto the floor lost, out of control and in love, hopelessly in love. I have to win her back, but Christ, I'm not just facing Billy, I'm facing that big guy Teddy too.

What's even worse is that these guys are straight out of her world, that seedy little circle she loves to swim in. I wouldn't care less if this were some douche at Ridgeway. I could get past him like nothing else.

But this guy could put me in a body cast with as few as three hits.

I try and fight the tears, but I fail. Just like I failed at keeping her by my side. I let out a heavy sob as I hug my knees to my chest.

"Sam." I say her name and it feels like my heart wants to explode.

Not to mention seeing her every day at school, at Carly's, working with her on the show, at the Groovy Smoothie and everywhere else that I go.

I'm going to go insane from love and I don't know what to do.

I hear my phone go off in my room, the beep of an incoming text message.

I turn off the shower as I stand up, going to get my phone I look down at the screen and my heart thuds heavily in my chest. A text message from Sam, makes no sense, she hasn't texted me since we split up unless it had to do with the show.

_Freddie, want to hang out? I've got a new pear pad and I want to talk about Carly._

I reply quickly telling her to come over.

It hits me like a Mack Truck: I just told her to come over. My room's a mess, I'm a mess, oh my God.

My phone beeps at me again.

A picture of her giving me two thumbs up with the most beautiful goofy expression on her face lets me know it's her.

_Be there in 30._

I poke my head out of my room to tell my mother that Sam's coming over, and she nods with a smile, not caring because she knows that Sam has a boyfriend now. I run to my closet, sorting through shirts, looking for something that'll make me look good but not too good … and I stop in my tracks … oh my god I'm such a girl.

This is how nervous she makes me.

I throw on a Galaxy Wars shirt and jeans, jumping onto my bed and trying to calm myself for the next twenty-eight minutes.

I end up dozing off, but wake up as I feel someone lightly push me over. I hear her giggle and I know it's her before I can open my eyes, my heart picking up speed. I look up at her and she shakes her head, the light from my window catching her blonde curls lighting them up and making her look ethereal.

I open my mouth to speak, but she beats me to it.

"Come on Freddork," she laughs holding her brand new pear pad out. "It's only been a half hour since I texted you and I'm not even late this time."

"Sorry," I shrug and take it gently out of her hands. "I haven't been sleeping well."

She falls onto my bed, looking up at my ceiling and then she turns those beautiful, piercing blue eyes over to me and by reflex I almost lean down to kiss her. I stop the urge and force myself to look down at her pear pad.

"Need me to set this up for you?"

"If you don't mind," she says as she sits up, pulling her leather jacket off and tossing it onto the back of my desk chair. "So, do you know why Carly's all up in arms about me and Billy?"

I shrug and go through the settings on her Pear Pad quickly.

"This didn't 'fall off the back of a truck' did it?"

I don't know why I just said that. I steal a look at her from under my brow and I see her smiling. In the past she'd have beaten me for even suggesting it, even if it was true.

So what was up now?

"No." Sam laughs it off and turns over to prop herself up on her elbows to watch me set up her Pear Pad. "Billy bought it for me."

I look up, eyes wide with shock and jealousy. Not jealousy over the fact she had the newest version available, but that I wasn't the one to get it for her. Maybe just a bit of the former though.

"No way, these things cost like almost a grand!"

She nodded. "I told him not too, but he insisted."

I'm really trying to like him, to be on their side. Not because I want them together, but because I want Sam to be happy no matter what, and if he makes her happy, then I'm behind it for now.

But this was killing me. He was making me look like a slouch and I bought her everything she wanted for the entirety of our relationship.

I smile at her and she nods back. "He's crazy about me."

I almost say, "So am I," but I stop myself. Quickly hazarding a guess, I go with;

"Does he know we used to date?" I laugh it out, trying my best to make it sound casual and nonchalant. But when she shakes her head, I let out a sigh. "Sam, why haven't you told him?"

"Hasn't come up in conversation." She looks away, avoiding eye contact with me.

I remember when she would do this when we were together, and it always meant she was hiding something. I want to press on, to seek out what's she's hiding but I don't. Instead I finish with the bare essentials of setting up her Pear Pad. Everything else I know she's capable of doing.

Suddenly a fleeting hope pops up into my heart, rekindling something I long thought dead … what if she's still in love with me? _Don't be stupid Benson, why would she still love you when she's got Billy_. I mean that guy is literally everything I'm not. I shake my head not knowing what's going on, but maybe I was onto something.

"So, what's up with Carly?"

She asks it again, and all I can do is shrug, because I honestly don't know either.

My biggest guess is she's jealous of Sam for having a "Super Hot" boyfriend while she's still single. Of course I'm not going to say that because it'll just cause problems between them I don't want to have to fix.

"I don't know." I say it slowly, trying to think of something else to say. "I think she's worried you're going to get hurt in the long run and is just trying to look out for you."

She looks at me with raised eyebrows.

"Why aren't you on her side?"

I sigh, and decide to tell her a half truth. "Because you deserve some happiness in your life. I've said that already, Sam."

She laughs and turns over onto her back again, looking up at the ceiling.

"I figured you'd be all for breaking us up."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Why is she insulting me like this? I wouldn't ever do that …

…Would I?

"Why would you think that Sam?" I ask, trying to keep my emotions in check, but it's actually sort of hard to do when around her.

"Because then you'd have me all to yourself, nub," she says it with a laugh.

Like it's a joke, and I realize that the sound of a breaking heart is pure, torturous silence. I scoff at her and she flips around to look at me.

"We put all that behind us remember. It was mutual."

Why was I saying this, why didn't I tell her what she said was exactly what I wanted? Why am I such an idiot?

Her smile makes me want to cry. "I know. I was just joking, Fredward."

But there she goes again, avoiding my eyes, hiding something from me. My heart hasn't raced this fast in a very long time, especially with such hope.

I stutter a bit. "I know."

She slaps me on the knee and the sting of where she hits me lingers and I can't believe that it actually makes me want her more. I hand her the pear pad with a smile.

"All done. The rest you already know how to do."

She nods and smiles. "Want to go out?"

It catches me off guard and I look into her eyes hoping mine aren't going to betray me.

"Sure, where?"

Sam shrugs. "Groovy Smoothie?"

Didn't really feel like getting a smoothie today, but I will if she wants to.

"No," she says it like she's talking to herself and it befuddles me. "There's this new horror movie out, want to go see it?"

I nod quickly. I've wanted to see it, but to be alone in a theater with Sam could present a few problems, problems I'm willing to deal with.

What if I accidentally go too far and kiss her, or put my arm around her? But if I don't go she'll take Billy and they might end up …

I stop myself, deciding it's on.

Deciding I just might be capable of trying to break them up, I wanted Sam back in my life as more than a friend.

I grab my hoodie and head towards the door with Sam. I tell mom we're headed out and she smiles, telling me to be careful. I smile and I wish I could tell her I'd rather break an arm than be careful at this moment, I'm done playing it careful here.

We ride the bus to the mall, as Sam and I banter back and forth about horror movies, and I suddenly feel like we're back to the way we were before we both decided to end it.

I look into her eyes and she just smiles back at me, I wonder if Billy would care that we're going to the movies together. I put my arm around her shoulders, not exactly a platonic thing to do but she doesn't stop me.

"How are you holding up Sam?" She rests her head on my shoulder with a sigh.

"I'm doing really well right now," she says as I rest my head cheek on the top of her head. "Why are you still so nice to me after all these years?"

I laugh until I feel a sharp poke in my ribs, "You're worth it, Sam."

"I don't think I am." She says it slowly; she's never really been this candid with me. Even when we were dating, she never really discussed her issues.

So what's different now?

"Why is that?"

"I'm mean, I beat people up, I have a love hate relationship with the truth," she waves a hand around in the air. "I could keep going."

"Yeah you do all of those things," I agree and feel another poke as she laughs. "But come down to it, you are a really good person with a big heart. If you weren't, I wouldn't love you."

She doesn't respond, so I lean forward to look at her and she buries her face into my chest.

I can't believe I said that, but we had admitted we loved each other. We hadn't said it since we'd admitted it, but something was irking her. I feel her let out a small sob, and am thankful we're at the back of the bus. I slip my free hand under her chin and coax her to look up at me, tears running from her eyes, and I realize I've never seen her cry until now.

This makes me uneasy and I'm not sure I know how to react.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She shakes her head as I wipe away some of her tears with my thumb. "You've never cried in front of me before."

She elbows me and I let out a groan of pain, and watch as she blinks away tears.

Did Billy do this to her, if he did I'd kill him, so I ask her and she shakes her head. I furrow my brow as I look deep into her beautiful blue eyes.

"Then what's wrong?"

"I'm not crying nub," She stumbles on her words and I know she's never been good at showing her emotions so I give her a moment. "I'm just not used to everyone being all nice to me, and I'm not used to being treated like I matter, like I'm wanted and needed. Even you … push me away."

That hurts, but it's true, and I don't mean to do it because I want to hurt her, I do it because I can't stand not being with her; being without her is way more bearable.

She looks at me as I think, and I watch a tear tumble down her cheek. I catch it on the tip of my thumb and wipe it away.

"I'm sorry I do that, because you mean the world to me."

Her breath hitches, and I see her eyes boggle for a second, so I continue talking,

"I know you're with Billy, but you really do mean the world to me."

"Then why do you-"

I don't let her finish. I cradle her cheek in my hand my thumb over her beautiful lips as I rest my forehead on hers heaving a heavy sigh.

"Because I'm still in love with you, I never got over you, and sometimes it's easier to be without you at all than to be around you and not be with you."At least that's what I want to say, but can't. Instead I look into her eyes with the warmest, most sincere smile I can manage.

"Freddie-"

She starts to say and I pull her into a hug, I cradle her against my chest, wishing that this moment would last forever. I try and regain my breath as I look up at the ceiling, realizing I just might have found the 'in' I was looking for.

"I push you away because I'm stupid, Sam," I say and she laughs against my chest, "and that doesn't mean I don't care about you. I have always wanted and will always want to be a part of your life ... if you'll let me."

"Of course Freddifer," She says it in a hum, obviously comfortable in my embrace, and that alone makes me want to cry in joy, "Silly nub."


	13. Chapter 11

_**Author's Note: OK, Chapter 11, furthering out story line, deepening the drama and this new budding love triangle. I hope you all love this chapter, it was so much fun to write. I'm enjoying this story so much, it's challenged me to be a better writer and to meet new people and to ask for help. I want to thank those people again one more time, you guys know who you are. I will be doing shout outs to reviewers/watchers/favers, but they'll be saved for after the epilogue of this Book, you all are getting your own section.**  
_

_**Happy reading, and please review,  
**_

_**User1-FlynnK  
**_

_Sam-_

It's been a very long time since Freddie and I just hung out, since it's been just us. It's nice to know that he's still my friend that he still wants to be there for me. I'd hate to lose a friend over Billy. Actually I don't know that I'd be willing to. The bus ride to the theater at the mall isn't very long, but being with Freddie makes it feel like forever in a good way.

He puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him, shaking me a bit, that familiar cocky smile on his face. "I've been looking forward to seeing this movie."

It's not a question, it's just him thinking out loud, something he doesn't do often. I wriggle out from under his arm and stretch out across the back seats of the bus, my head in his lap, watching the curious expression he shoots me.

"What?" I ask him defensively, "Mama's tired, and she's been busy today."

"You busy?" He asks, raising an eyebrow, then shock splashes across his face. "I don't need to know."

Closing my eyes, I smile, "I wasn't going to tell you anyway."

Peeking out from under my eyelashes, I see a slight look of pain cross his face, and then its gone showing a bit of weakness. "Jealous?"

"Sam," he groans. His voice sounds light but it's the way he says his words that worries me, because they come out heavy and slow. "What you do with Billy is your business and none of mine."

My smile disappears as I feel him stroke my hair, "Nap if you want, still have about ten or so minutes before we get there."

Good old reliable Freddie, the nub. But I barely drift off before the bus stops and I feel like I got teased out of sleep. Freddie realizes this with a sigh, "I'll buy you a Peppy Cola Princess Puckett."

I try to hide my jaw dropping on that one. He hadn't used it in forever, but it didn't sound mean anymore, more like he meant it to be a compliment. Why is he so … nice all of a sudden?

Following him off the bus I can see a change in him, his shoulders slump slightly now that I can't see his face and I wonder why. I jog up to him jumping on his back, "Popcorn and a hotdog too nub?"

I wrapping my arms around his neck as he grabs my legs. "You got it Sam."

I hear him groan, "Wouldn't Billy mind you being on my back like this?"

"What?" I laugh, bending over his head to look at him and he just smiles.

"You know Billy, your boyfriend," he says with a sly grin, "I figure he wouldn't be too big a fan of you riding me like a horse Sam."

"C'mon Freddie, you know Mama doesn't like to walk," I say, slapping him on the shoulder, a signal for him to go faster and he does. "Besides you're like one of my best friends, I don't know what the big chiz is."

Freddie laughs as he jogs along the parking lot towards the theater, a lot stronger than I remember him being; he must be working out more intensely. I dig a knuckle into his ribs and he screams out, "Sam, that's not funny, that hurts!"

"Funny to me Fredward," I laugh and then yell, "Hya!"

I dig my knuckles a little more gently into him, he takes off running at full speed, wrapping his arms around my legs to keep me stable. I cover his, eyes laughing like crazy. He starts weaving so I start telling him which direction to go. To my surprise he's laughing along with me as we reach the ticket booth, and he pays without thinking, just like old times, just like we were still us and it takes my breath from me for a second.

The guy asks for ID and I scream at him, "Give us our tickets!" as Freddie shakes his head giggling, handing over his ID, but the guy looks up at me and Freddie stares at him.

"Dude just give us our tickets, she's seventeen, I'm eighteen, consider me her guardian." He sounds so impatient making me feel proud, I must be rubbing off on him finally.

"Thank you sir," I yell down at him as Freddie makes his way to the door. Everyone is staring at us, and I don't care, I'm having way too much fun to care. Freddie looks around shaking his head, handing the ticket lady our tickets before heading for food.

Looking up at me with that adorable smile he tells me to order so I do. Poking my head up over his shoulder I tell the lady what I want and she just looks at us like we're stupid, until Freddie snaps his fingers, "You heard the lady, now get us our order please."

I reach down to rub his head, "Good boy!"

He tilts his head into my hand, making a stupid purring noise that makes me slap him lightly, "That's for being a nub."

"Aw, you like it, I know you do."

I shrug and he laughs as he pays for the food, and it strikes me that I haven't heard him laugh this much since we broke up. Maybe he's missed me like I've missed him; he's a good friend, and honestly I don't tell him that very often. I should tell him a lot of things but don't, he knows he is anyway, don't want to inflate that nub's ego any more than it already is anyway.

As the food gets set out on the counter, he gently helps me off of his back. As I drop to the floor I wrap an arm around his waist feeling his surprisingly hard stomach under his old Galaxy Wars shirt. I feel him tense up weirdly so I slap him, "What's wrong Benson, you don't like me touching you?"

He lets his head hang as he sighs, "No Sam, you just caught me off guard."

I watch him closely, the way his jaw tenses and he doesn't look at me, like he's staring a hole into the counter top. I've seen him like this before, when something starts to worry him, or he's trying not to say something he feels he should. I want to know what he's thinking, why he's suddenly so distant, did I catch him off guard? I poke him in the arm as his eyes meet mine, and I see it, that same look, the one that he always had in his eyes when we kissed, or when I'd catch him staring at me, the one he used to tell me he loved me with.

My heart skips, and I think back to all the times I'd hug him from behind, the way he'd look at me then, the way his body would tense. I watch as he smiles, and it's not that cocky smile. It's the one he used when we were alone, the one most people don't get to see, and it tells me he's happy. It also tells me why he hasn't been around much, and I don't know how to feel about that. But I think I like it.

"Uh-huh" I stop after I say it and wonder why I said it, why am I flirting with the nub, "Thank you for all the food."

He jerks his head away looking at me weird, "Did you just say 'thank you'?"

Backing up a few steps and into another customer, he points at me with a shaky finger, "Who are you and what have you done with Sam Puckett?"

"Ha ha, I can't be nice to you for buying me food even though it's not your job anymore?" I ask poking him in the chest, he shakes his head no.

"Since when have you ever thanked anyone for free food? You demand it from them." Freddie says poking me back, "You're weirding me out Puckett maybe Billy's changing you."

"Or maybe it's you." I say it suddenly and shut up as he throws me a long glance from the corner of his eye.

"Yeah, perhaps we should go back to that Troubled Waters place and have you reevaluated." He chuckles until I slug him in the shoulder. "I was just joking."

I glare at him not quite sure why I'm angry with him, how dare he just … just blow me off like that. Why couldn't I be nice to him he's always nice to me, dammit. Is it really that weird for me to be nice to the big nub? It's not like he makes it easy most of the time; today is really an exception.

I rush ahead and wait by the door to the theater, watching him carry a mountain of food, and find it funny that's he's still here. Freddie walks right past me through the door without saying a word and finds a seat in the back. I follow him, sitting down next to him and grabbing for a hot dog, which he jerks away.

"Food now, nub," I warn him, it's the only warning he's going to get.

"I'm sorry you wanted some of my food," He says with that damned irresistible, cocky smile on his face. "I was under the impression that you didn't want any the way you were looking at me out there."

I groan loudly, "Food now!"

"Say please," he says, dangling the hot dog in front of me like a treat for a dog, and I take a deep breath in and smile.

"Please give me the damn hot dog, nub." I say it through clenched teeth, squinting at him like I want to kill him. I don't but … I have a reputation to keep up. Freddie nods quickly handing me the hot dog, and my soda, his fingers staying on my hand for a second.

"Thanks for inviting me Sam." He says, and that cocky smile is gone. It's just him, and it makes me not so angry with him anymore despite how much I want to be. "But I have to say if I'm going to see this movie, I'd rather watch with you than anyone else."

He pauses his face a little worried, "Surprised you didn't bring Billy though."

"C'mon you know horror movies are our deal nub, who else would be able to keep up with me when I make fun of the victims?" I ask, his smile making my heart skip again, that same honest and rare smile. "Besides it just wouldn't be the same without you Benson."

He pats my hand before taking his back to grab a handful of my popcorn, but I don't mind so much. I set my soda down in the opposite cup holder, lifting the arm-rest between us with my elbow. Freddie shoots me a worried-slash-shocked look and I say through a mouthful of hot dog, "What, in case I get bored and want to nap."

He continues to stare at me as I scoot closer to him; it's just an excuse to be close to him and he knows it. As the lights start to dim, I move my free hand to his belly, and wiggle my fingers against him, making him jump, throwing pop corn everywhere as I laugh.

"I'll go get more popcorn," He sighs leaving the theater. He comes back before the trailers are over with not just more popcorn but a bigger bucket and I giggle as he sits it down in my lap, "Thought you'd be hungry."

He reaches into his hoodie pocket and pulls out another hot dog plopping it into my hands, I stare up at him in shock. "You rock Freddison!"

"I know, thanks for noticing."

He's got that cocky smile on his face again as he nods at the screen. The movie's pretty lame, but being with Freddie makes it better somehow. He tosses his arm around my shoulders so I can rest my head in case I get tired, and I do.

"I've missed you, Sam." He whispers it just loud enough for me to hear it. "I'm glad we can be friends like this and not have to worry."

Looking up at him, confused, I ask, "Worry about what, nub?"

"You know rekindling old feelings or anything like that. It's nice that we can just be us."

I wonder if he's testing me … challenge accepted, "Want to make sure?"

"Make sure of what?" He asks not looking away from the screen until I poke him in the side, and when I do, I get a very warm feeling in my gut as I look into those stupidly comforting brown eyes.

"That we're still … you know," I say, waving my hand between the two of us. He raises his eyebrow again, looking at me like I'm nuts.

"How would we do that?"

I shrug against him, "I don't know. We could kiss."

He starts laughing at the most inappropriate time; really, the killer is doing bad things to a dead body, and as he begins to realize this, he quiets down apologizing to those around us. He leans his face close to mine, his lips just inches away. "Sam, what are you talking about, you're with Billy."

"Doesn't hurt to check." I pout as he groans, then taking him by surprise I push forward, my lips meeting his, and I instantly know this is a huge mistake. There's a click in my head and suddenly every nerve in my body lights up as we kiss, unlocking feelings I didn't want coming back. I've screwed up something awful … oh chiz.

Freddie pulls back, alarm on his face, whipping his head towards the screen; and not looking back over until the movie is over. We sit there in silence until well after the credits are done, the janitor telling us to leave, and Freddie is still staring straight at the screen.

Getting up, I drag him out of the theater. I watch as he starts to blink at the sunlight looking at me like I'm crazy. "We … we have got to … we have got to talk about what just happened back there."

"What? Look we're fine, nothing happened," I say waving my hands over my head. I'm lying, and he knows it. He freaks out, waving his amrs in the air.

"We are not fine! You kissed me back there, and I thought you were all into Billy, you like love him." He forces those last words out, his face forming a gagging expression as he says them.

"Hey no one ever said I wasn't. We just had to check right." I shrug again as he begins slapping his forehead with both palms, "besides you brought it up."

"Oh dear God, I am so screwed, he's going to kill me!" He's freaking out, and I know I should do something but … what can I do? I reach up and take his wrist, "I'm not going to tell him, it's going to stay between us understand, no one needs to know. Besides it was just a meaningless kiss."

I see the pain flash across his face and then disappear behind that cocky smile, and we both know it wasn't meaningless. It just changed everything.


	14. Chapter 12

_Billy-_

I get a text from Sam, telling me to come pick her up in front of Bushwell, and that's slightly alarming. I wonder if Freddie did something stupid, or perhaps Carly? I shrug as I jump into my car, and my mind can't help but stew on what I think I was picking up at the mall, between Sam and Freddie, or maybe just from Sam. I shake it off; I can't be feeling this way. I'm being incredibly stupid; she's my girlfriend, and that has to count for more than something right?

She let me … I mean c'mon just this morning she let me … I can't even say it! "What the fuck is wrong with me?"

I slump against the steering wheel at a red light, looking up at the light from under my furrowed brow. I bang the wheel with my good hand, letting out a scream. Why am I being so stupid? In the middle of my first time with the woman I love, I freak out about her leaving me? Now I'm all jealous over some kind of fucking computer nerd?

_Are you kidding me God, really?_

Picking up speed as the light turns green, I make my way towards Bushwell, my heart pounding. I see Sam bouncing on her heels, the Pear Pad tucked into her jacket, looking excited. But I can't escape this stupid funk, afraid she'll leave me. For Freddie of all people, he's a good kid; but … c'mon.

I shake my head as she gets in, "So where to Sam?"

"Your place," she smiles, her eyebrow arched suggestively. I break out into a smile as I start to pull round so I can head home. As I drive, I glance over at her only to see a pensive expression on her face, vastly different from what she just had, and it confuses the shit out of me.

"So Freddie and I went to that new horror movie," she says quietly, and I nod trying my best to not snap. "It wasn't that bad."

"He actually let you watch it?" I ask sarcastically, snapping at her, even though I don't really mean to. But this jealousy, this worry is eating me alive.

"Fuck is that supposed to mean Billy?"

"Pretty clear that kid thinks you're hot." I do this on purpose, trying to see what reaction I provoke, and it's one that almost fills me with relief.

"Well duh, Mama's hot, but he's just my friend and you know that, or at least you should," she says, hitting me in the leg, "What's up with you anyway? You've been sort of weird today?"

I stare at the road ahead not wanting to answer, not wanting to acknowledge it, but she pushes forward anyway, "Come on Billy, you know you can talk to me."

I snap, "Fuck you're nosy huh?"

She shrinks back a bit before hitting me in the ear causing me to swerve into the oncoming lane, "Goddammit watch what you're doing Sam, you could've killed us!"

Well wouldn't it be fitting to die in a car accident the same week my parents did … it would just be fucking fantastic. I can see her glaring at me, wishing me death or at the very least extreme harm; it makes me realize I better start talking.

"It'll be ten years this coming Monday since my parents were killed in a car accident ironically you nearly did the same thing to us." I say it with vile sarcasm, but with everything that's going on, it's all I can do to keep myself under control. I had almost forgotten this year thanks to her, if it hadn't of been for my stupid freak out earlier.

She looks at me, a mix of shock and anger on her face. "Why didn't you say so earlier dammit?"

"You really think I'm going to ruin the day by blabbing about it?" She nods, as I chuckle. "Yeah I'm not stupid Sam."

We sit in silence, awkward silence, for a few minutes before she starts to clear her throat several times before speaking.

"Well I guess now's not such a great time to bring this up then." She's almost whispering and it throws me off. I'm deeply confused, and I'm not sure what she's talking about … I glance at her with what must be obvious fear in my eyes. "You know with what happened earlier …"

She trails off taking a deep breath, her face showing guilt, which I never would have pegged her for. "You know how Freddie and I never really got along and well now we do?"

I nod, watching the road, "I mean sure I saw it on the show, but I don't know it."

"Well, we sort of … kind of dated at one point."

I can't look at her, but had I expected this? Maybe, yes, I don't know. I stare at the road, not wanting to show the rage, the goddamned needless rage that's boiling in my chest, and the jealousy that's forging it. Thank God we're not that far away from home, so I can at least lose it in private … but of course that's not the way life works.

"Wow," I shake my head giving into it. "You're right it wasn't the best time to bring that up at all."

"I'm sorry." She pats my cast but I jerk my arm away, "Billy …"

"Don't okay." I say it with a bite of pain, trying to force the anger to leave me, "So you're telling me this why, because I would rather not have ever known."

"I don't know." I watch her shrug as I glance over at her. "I guess I don't want to keep any secrets from you."

"Well that's fucking admirable and all, but you realize that really changes my stance on him right?" I say it finally pulling into the garage of my loft. "I may trust you, but I do not trust _him_ around you."

"Why?" She asks with alarm, an alarm that makes me think I shouldn't trust either of them, but I have to give her the benefit of the doubt; "We're just friends, nothing happened today."

"Listen Sam," I lean close to her, narrowing my eyes. "Just because you're friends doesn't mean he doesn't still have a dick between his legs, it doesn't mean you're still not beautiful, and it doesn't mean he doesn't still harbor some kind of attraction for you."

I get out of the car and head towards the elevator. I don't look back at her but I know she's following, "Come on Billy, you've got to be kidding me, that's not Freddie at all."

"Who broke up with whom?" I wheel around to look at her, feeling my grip on my anger slip just the tiniest bit, hoping to hear that he broke up with her.

"It was mutual, Billy, so we could stay friends." She says it defensively and I take a step closer, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Which one of you brought it up?" I ask pointing at her, knowing the answer before she says it.

"Me, but why does that matter," She asks it and I can see the emotion play in her eyes, avoidance, worry, regret, guilt, and it's all gone in seconds. She's good at hiding that stuff, but I've done it my whole life too. "My point exactly. If he had wanted to break up with you, believe me, he would have."

I groan, turning around and head to the elevator, I swipe my fob letting her in, "I've got to make a call; I'll be up in a second, okay?"

She nods. "Billy, please don't confront Freddie."

I wave her off, putting on my best fake smile as the doors close and when I hear the whir of the motor. I pull out my phone and dial a number I haven't called in a very long time … my brother's.

It rings and he answers quickly. "Hello William, been too long."

"I know, I'm sorry, Dave." I listen to him laugh, that cynical laugh he's always had.

"Don't apologize to me kiddo, apologize to our grandparents and our uncle, they worry about you," he says chuckling. "So what's this I hear about you having a woman in your life?"

I'm shocked. "How do you know?"

"William, really." His sigh isn't one of relief. It's a sigh of disappointment that I underestimated him. "After all these years you expect me not to keep tabs on my baby brother?"

I groan, "Sal?"

"You're getting better at that, yes, Sal informed me you had cancer, like I didn't already know." His tone is dark; he has no patience for people. "But he also told me you have a pretty young blonde hanging around you. I have to agree."

"You've watched … what am I saying, of course you have." His laugh is loud and boisterous, happy I'm remembering how he is. "What do you think of her?"

"Honestly?" He says it hesitantly and I can hear the brotherly love in his voice, the worry he might hurt me.

"Yes, or else I wouldn't have asked."

With a sigh he and what sounds like a sip of something he begins talking, "I think she's worth your time, but make sure you lock that down bro."

"Dammit Dave, don't talk about her like that." My anger flares. He's so crude for being so smart and that's always irritated me.

"I'm guessing this call isn't about Mom and Dad's 10th anniversary, so I figure it has to be about her, because it sure as hell isn't about your cancer or your fighting career. Oh and congratulations on your last win and the tumor receding. So what's going on?" He's always kept an eye on me even after we got split up. We've always been close, and he's always watched over me. He's a good man, just seriously flawed.

"Well how about I give you a round of applause for being so damn smart?" I ask it so it'll dig at him, and I hear his groan.

"What's wrong, Billy?" Great I went too far and now he's being his business self with me, dammit. He's always been touchy, to a fault. I love my brother but I worry about him; I always thought I had a bad temper until I found out about his. If it wasn't for our inheritance he'd probably be in jail already. But he's cool as ice though and too damn intelligent to be so angry all the time.

"Turns out Freddie …" he interrupts me quickly,

"The boy who runs the site and handles the tech, he has a good eye, bright future too, what's going on with him?"

"He and Sam used to date, and I honestly think neither one of them …" He interrupts again with a dark laugh.

"Boyo, are you coming to me for relationship advice?" That's new 'Boyo', really? I'd heard he was hanging out with some very bad Irish guys last year but I can't believe he picked up some of their slang.

Groaning I answer him, much to his delight, "Yes."

"Simple, make her yours and make damn sure he knows it." He says it while making a strange sucking noise, like he's cleaning his teeth, which is really unpleasant.

"It's not that simple Dave, really."

"Let me guess, your big melon is fucking with you again huh?" I can hear him slap a table or desk, and from all these miles away, I can sense what he's thinking and it's not good, something I've always been able to do with him. "Listen it's simple, sleep with the girl … and if he pursues her let him know … gently, of course. We wouldn't want to damage anything between you and the blonde."

"Her name is Sam dammit!" I yell into the phone, as his laugh fills my ears. He always does this, picks at me, urging me to snap. I've never understood why either. Dave's always been one to manipulate people and being around my uncle sure as shit didn't help that any. He loves playing mind tricks on people. Playing on their emotions and making them do what he wants them to without having to actually tell them to do it.

"I prefer calling her 'the blonde', and Sam is a boy's name anyway."

"Fuck you, Dave." I say it in anger but he laughs at me.

"Love you too, William." Then the phone goes dead. Why is he always so crude? Calling him was a mistake it only made things worse in my own head. I lean against a nearby car, not believing he just suggested I sleep with my girlfriend just to mind fuck her best friend.

When I do sleep with Sam it won't be because of Freddie, that's for damn certain. I look at the elevator and almost dread seeing Sam, but I go up anyway. I love this girl. I need this girl. God help me if I lose her.


	15. Chapter 13

_**Author's Note: Sorry for the short Chapter, I will upload a bit of a longer one later today, about midday to make up for it. Expect it at around 1:30 pm PST or a little later.**  
_

_Freddie-_

I enter my home, my Mom having gone to work, and I spin around on my heels so damn happy about what happened. I know I look stupid doing this little dance in the middle of my living room, and if Sam were here, she'd probably punch me for being such a nub. But even in the end I'm her nub and that's just the way I want it.

I run into my room tossing my hoodie across the room and turn my radio on, the local pop station playing some strange bass loaded love song. I shuffle to the music releasing a triumphant yell from my chest before falling onto my bed. I can't believe that it worked, I can't believe she didn't notice … well didn't let me notice her noticing, anyway.

I can't believe I had the balls to do all of that, being just like we were, and it honestly didn't hurt like I thought it would. I can't fight the smile spreading across my face as I close my eyes and remember her riding on my back. I scream her name in joy … that kiss that was something I never would have thought she'd do. Oh my God, she still has feelings for me, and I knew it.

Well I didn't know it. I hoped, prayed and wished for it every single day, that she would still have feelings for me. I kick my feet into the air. Now all I have to do is keep it cool and act like nothing happened, which means I'm going to have to be nice and nonchalant, all at the same time.

This is not going to be easy.


	16. Chapter 14

_Sam-_

We just wrapped a special episode celebrating my birthday, my turning eighteen. I am now a legal adult, and I let out a scream of joy that catches everyone off guard.

"What, a girl can't be happy she's eighteen?" I ask them as they laugh, Carly joins in with a "Whoop, Whoop!" and Freddie smiles at me before looking away.

"I'm going to go work on your dinner with Spencer," Carly says, running through the studio door, leaving Freddie and me alone for the first time since the movies.

I saunter over to him punching him lightly in the shoulder and he laughs, looking at me from the corner of his eye, that cocky smile appearing on his face. First time I've seen that all week, like he's reserving it for me, and that sort of makes me feel special. He moves behind the cart reaching down into it, pulling out a small envelope and handing it to me. Opening it, I see about four different gift cards and a handful of vouchers in there, and as I look through them, I realize they're all from my favorite restaurants.

"I've been collecting those since before we were together, took a while too."

I gawk up at him, trying to figure out how much this must have cost, and he waves his hand, "Don't Sam, its fine."

Didn't even have to say anything to him. It blows me away that we can still do that with each other. I move in for a hug and he raises his hand, "No, really, Happy Birthday."

I shrug at him, "If you say so."

He shoots me that cocky smile again, "I do say so Princess Puckett."

I watch him coil a cable around his arm, wondering if we'll ever really be able to go back to the way we were before, or one day back together. Wait, what? Why am I thinking about him in that way?

I mean we both agreed that we didn't work but … something Billy said about him still having feelings for me keeps nagging at me, the way we were at the theater just like nothing had happened between us, like we were together again and that made me feel so good and safe. That look that was in his eyes at the counter, the kiss, all of that had to mean something right? But like Billy he's been so distant recently, here but not here, until now.

"So Fredalupe, what's up with you?" I ask him, reaching out give him a gentle push, "You've been a little you know..."

"Yeah, I know, I've just had a lot on my mind lately Sam." He says it with a smile that I can tell is fake, and I start to wonder if Billy's right. After all this time though, after being so supportive of Billy and me, after being so unaffected by our break up why would he start feeling all of this now?

"What's on your mind, want to talk about it?" I put that out there expecting him to freak out and accuse me of not being me, but he doesn't. He just nods.

"I would actually, but after your party you're staying with Carly tonight right?" He looks over at me, more a glance than a look, and I see hope in his eyes. I nod in response; it's all I can do, because I don't understand what's going on. I'm with Billy but Freddie still makes me feel loved, wanted and needed, but … he never showed me any of this before I got with Billy. Is it jealousy or is he afraid of losing me? Why do I feel this way? Why am I suddenly finding myself wanting to be with Freddie?

We're both over it. It was mutual. We agreed and I tried to move on as I watched Freddie pick himself up off the ground and do exactly what I was trying to do, but actually manage it. I moved on too, to Billy and he needs me, and he wants me, and he loves me … and I love him.

Freddie never found anyone else though; he just stayed Freddie. I see him watching me, as I think, thinking … something I don't do too much of, so he must be worried. I force a smile onto my face, and he nods silently, coming close to me, letting the cable drop onto the cart.

Putting a hand on my shoulder he looks into my eyes, smiling. It's a real smile, exciting and dizzying as he begins to speak. "Then come over to my place after everyone's asleep and we can catch up, don't worry about my Mom. She's at work, pulling a triple shift, someone called in; go figure. Okay Princess Puckett?"

"Why do you keep calling me that?" I ask him feeling us move closer together, my heart's racing so fast I can feel it in my toes and it's getting harder and harder to breathe.

"Because you deserve it," He sounds so … so sad, but looks so happy. I don't know what to do with him. He comes so close I can feel the warmth of his body, and the smell of his cologne makes me shiver. His lips brush my ear as he lifts a hand to move my hair aside, whispering, "Happy Birthday, Princess …"

I don't know what I'm doing, but I do it anyway. I pull him into a hug cutting him off as I feel a giant weight crash down upon me, the realization that I may have made a horrible mistake in moving on to Billy. He wraps his arms around my waist planting a kiss on my ear, "Don't worry I'm not going anywhere Sam."

With that, he turns to leave me standing alone, the burden of the situation weighing me down. Am I over Benson? But I love Billy, he needs me so much I can't just leave him I mean the guy's dying, I … I can't can I? I start to freak out and realize I'm still holding the remote so I whirl it at the wall watching it shatter into a billion pieces, letting out some of the stress with a low yell. But my mind … no it's not my mind, it's my heart … it's telling me I messed up.

I see Freddie appear in the doorway, worry on his face, "What happened?"

I try to smile, but I just can't, "Remote slipped."

"No it didn't," he says kneeling down to inspect it, "What's wrong?"

"It's Billy, he's been acting so … distant lately, and then you and me have that great day and then you just push me away," I stutter a bit, not really knowing what to say. "It's my birthday … the least you could do is tell me why."

The nub stands slowly, looking at me, his face pained, "Sam, I promise to tell you about it later. I mean that."

"You also promised not to leave me." I say it without thinking, my feelings from that night boiling up and I just can't understand. But the look on his face is pure pain, like I stabbed him.

"Fine, you want to know so bad, Princess Puckett?" This time those words were dripping with that old venom, and I feel my heart scream in a pain I wish I didn't know so well. He crosses the room, taking me into his arms forcefully and pulling my mouth to his, and for this second, this minute or however long this lasts I forget Billy, Carly, Spencer, my birthday, and everything else except why I love Freddie, why I've missed him, and why I want him back, and I kiss him back. Nothing else exists but me and him, our tongues hungrily sweeping over each other, our hands travelling over each other as we back up into the front end of the car in the studio.

Freddie picks me up and sets me down on the hood, his sudden forcefulness and aggression making me hot in a place that he shouldn't be, and it makes me want him. I pull away and he looks at me, his eyes a mix of pain and happiness. "That's what's been bothering me."

"I bet you won't do that again." I push on his chest lightly, playing with him, hoping he will and Freddie is reliable as always.

"You bet wrong." He takes me back into his arms, kissing me again and again as we forget everything else but each other.


	17. Chapter 15

_Billy-_

I get to Carly's early, having just finished watching the show. I rushed over, missing Sam and wanting to split Freddie and her up as quickly as possible. I know I probably don't have anything to worry about from him or her but why take the risk?

I all but run up to Carly's door and find it open. I let out a happy sigh as they wave to me, "Where's Sam and the Fredster?"

I'm trying to make myself look friendly, even though my jealousy and my caution are eating me alive inside. Carly points up the stairs, "In the studio, she's helping him clean up."

I furrow my brow nodding. Her clean up? Even I knew that was a rarity.

"Well let me go see if they need any help, I'll be back in a minute," I say heading for the stairs. I run up them, excited to see Sam today and then I hear them talking, heatedly. I don't quite hear what's said at first until I get to the door, and I hear Sam tell Freddie, "You also promised never to leave me."

I stay behind the wall as Freddie walks over to her, my ears falling deaf to the sound of rushing blood and I have to know what's going on. I look around the door frame and I see them kiss … no more to the point I see Freddie initiate the kiss and then Sam kiss him back and it takes everything in me not to fucking break him. No, no I'm not going to hurt him physically, I'm going to destroy his spirit, and I'm going to take from him what he wants most … Sam.

I back up slowly; and I hear him call her 'Princess Puckett'; not retreating, preparing. I'm going to destroy that little fucker's life; I'm going to show him what a real man can do. I turn hitting the stairs and running down them, hitting the landing before Carly's living room I take a deep breath as Spencer shoots me an odd look.

"Where's Sam?" he asks, his face seriously knotted into worry and caution, and I realize my anger and hatred must be showing, so I smile wide and shake my head with a laugh.

"Freddo was giving her his present, and I didn't want to interrupt them." I say it lightly and Carly goes, "Awwww," and I nod, looking like the good guy I usually am.

I take a seat at the table, pulling the small box I have for Sam out of my pocket and opening it. I know it's corny and that she probably won't wear it. It's a necklace with a golden heart charm, a small ruby lying in the center of the heart. I feel Carly looking at me and I smile up, burying it into my pocket deciding that and the fob are just one of many things I'm going to use to break Freddie down.

"What'd you have there?" Carly asks sitting down across from me as Spencer takes over at the stove, and I seriously hope they didn't screw up her Birthday dinner. I'm willing to take everyone out, even Freddie, but … I don't want to, not in the mood I'm in right now.

"Oh, my present for Sam." Carly brightens up and bounces in her seat, making me laugh, and it's a genuine laugh.

"Can I see it?" She sticks her hand out and I retrieve it for her, laying it in her hand. She opens the box and gasps, "It's beautiful, but I don't necessarily know …"

"That she'll wear it?" I ask nodding, having thought that already, "I don't care if she does, it's a symbolic gesture, in essence I'm giving her my heart. So I don't care if she wears it or not, honestly."

Carly looks teary eyed, but I eye Spencer looking at me with this protective older brother thing in his eyes, reminding me briefly of my own brother. To be brutally honest I did want her to wear it, I want her to accept it, to love it, to show that love and I know that's asking a lot. But I don't care; I just want her in my life. I smile a genuine smile as Spencer looks towards the stairs, "What's taking so long?"

"That's a good question Spencer," I anaswer him and I know my voice drips of some kind of evil I didn't realize was in me. "Want to go ask while I get to know my girlfriend's best friend?"

I say it realizing it sounds skeevy, but at this point I'm lashing out and I don't fucking care. But as he bounds for the stairs I call for him quickly. "Don't tell them I went up there, I don't want Sam or Freddie to feel bad."

Of course I don't want them to know what I saw; I don't even want them to think that I know.

Carly smiles at me as she hands the box back, I look at it and clack it shut loudly making Carly jump slightly. I nod an apology and she laughs, I get up to check on the food waving Carly off as she protests.

"Please, I think I can handle …" I look into the oven and see a giant bacon wrapped ham. "Wow, she's gonna love that."

"I know it was Freddie's idea." She beams up at me innocently, of course it was Freddie's fucking idea, and he just knows her so goddamned well. I turn away from Carly hiding the pain, anger and disgust that's showing on my face that I can't push back. I feel her stand next to me, her hand on my back, "Billy what's wrong?"

"Just … dealing with things Carly," I don't look at her but I smile. She pats my back before heading to the stairs herself, shouting up for everyone.


	18. Chapter 16

_Spencer-_

I take the stairs two at a time, humming to myself a little ditty I heard on the radio earlier, something about not being too far away, catchy little country song. I push the door open into the studio hallway and don't hear anything coming from the studio, so I'm wondering exactly what Billy was talking about. Moving slowly, I peek through the door, only to find Sam and Freddie seriously making out on the hood of the mock car we have set up.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I yell, but not loud enough for Billy to hear, but I figure he knows exactly what's going on which is why he's acting like a Bond villain in my kitchen.

Freddie snaps back, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, "Oh God … Spencer really … it's not what it looks like."

"Really because it looks like you were … ugh … making kissy face with a pro fighter's girlfriend." I say waving my arms in the air, "But then again maybe I'M BLIND!"

"Spencer please don't say anything about this," Sam pleads with me, and I examine her face. I see worry and shock but nothing to suggest shame, guilt or any other emotion that ought to apply to cheating on your significant other.

"Really Sam, REALLY," I ask her putting my hands on hips, "Don't you think I know what would happen if I just happened to bound downstairs and go, 'well hello there mister beats-people-up-for-a-living who has been waiting for his girlfriend for nearly fifteen minutes! I found her and one of her best friends sucking face upstairs. ENJOY DINNER!' I mean come on, really?"

"Wait … he's here?" Sam sounds panicked as I nod vigorously, Freddie looks at the floor laughing in shock. I hide the worry that he might have seen them. Maybe that's why he didn't want them to know? Maybe that's why he looks so upset?

"He's been waiting with Carly and me downstairs, patiently I might add."

Freddie must be losing it because he can't help but laugh, bursting out in hysterical laughter as Sam glares at him before hauling off with a stomp to his foot shutting him up. Freddie looks at her with that stupid smile on his face, that let's everyone know he's accomplished something.

"Spence, would you give us literally just a minute?" Sam asks me, and honestly that's asking a lot right now. I nod, but before exiting the room, I turn back.

"I will be outside and I will be counting."

I walk out into the hallway, eavesdropping on their conversation on purpose, something I wish I didn't have to do. But I hear them both laugh as I fight the urge to peek inside.

"So, are you going to come over so we can talk?" I hear Freddie ask hurriedly, and I imagine him waving his hands to illustrate the need to rush through this. It makes me smile a bit.

"Sort of have to now, don't I, nub?" There's humor to her voice, but irritation as well, and I'm just confused by all of this. What in the world is going on? They appear in front of me, and look just awful, like they've been making out.

"Freddie go use the restroom, you look sort of …" Waving my hand in front of my face not wanting to finish the sentence. Freddie nods running for the second floor, but I stop Sam, grabbing her by the shoulder, something I'm actually sort of scared to do. "I'm going to allow you to go over there tonight, in the interest that you pick someone now and get the pain over with."

"Spencer, it's not that easy." She pouts at me and it just doesn't work right now, I can't believe … okay I can believe I never thought this would have gone this far with Billy, I always, always had the feeling that her purpose was to get back with Freddie in some way.

"No, Sam that's where you are wrong, it is just that easy, pick one, get the pain over with or else someone is really going to get hurt." I try to push my point at her as she shrugs off my hand. "By hurt I mean get the ever loving whiz beat out of them, and I don't think it'll be Freddie doing the beating."

I see Sam flinch, and then I figure maybe she hadn't thought of that, but I sincerely doubt it. Sam just looks up at me, confusion written all over her face, and I pull her into a hug, one she doesn't return.

"When did I become the girl all the boys want to date Spence?" she asks, her head buried into my chest, and I laugh at her.

"You always were, Blondie, you just never saw it." I feel her chuckle as I rest my chin on her head, "What's it feel like?"

"I don't like not being in control, and I'm not in control here." Admitting that to me, to anyone, must take a lot for her, because I've rarely ever heard her be so honest about how she feels, even to Carly.

"But that's just the thing. You are in control here, you can pick who you get to be with," I say, pushing her away and holding her by the shoulder, slouching so I can look into her eyes, "you are the one in control of these boys, whether you believe it or not."

She smiles at me, her eyes vaguely watery, and I scream at her, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA PUCKETT!"

Bursting with laughter, I push her to the stairs, making my usual funny noises and being goofy, which I deeply enjoy even though sometimes it throws people off. I'm not stupid by any means. I just act like it because it's fun!


	19. Chapter 17

_Billy-_

I watch them all come down the stairs several minutes later than Carly and I expected, even after she yelled up for them, which I'm guessing they didn't hear. Sam and Freddie look a little disheveled, as well they should, considering they probably kept going at it after I walked away.

I see Spencer's avoiding making eye contact with me, probably hoping I didn't witness them kissing. But no such luck there, friend, and whatever you caught them doing is just icing on the fucking cake at this point. Betrayed is what I should feel, but I think I saw this coming. Watching Sam lament Freddie acting so distant every fucking day for the past week sort of tips that off.

I should be happy, but I'm not. This has effectively destroyed me, and the only thing I have left at this moment to hang on to is the hope of vengeance. I'm not going to go after Sam … no that'd be pointless it'd just drive her to Freddie … no, going after Freddie is the smart thing to do here. Drive him away from her.

I made myself a promise that I would never sleep with Sam to spite Freddie, to damage him. Well in a manner of speaking they've made me break that promise. I can't believe this. Those fuckers.

I try to calm down as I feel Sam slide into the seat next to me, kissing me on the cheek, I don't dare look at her, I don't dare kiss her. Or do I?

I turn to her, threading my left hand into her hair and kissing her deeply, and I hear Freddie make the weakest of groans, barely audible but I'm listening for it. Sam melts under my lips until Spencer starts screaming at us. We break apart a laugh breaking through her lips. I look over to Freddie, and his face is passive, but his eyes burn with anger and I wink at him, watching his eyes light up in a fire that makes me warm inside.

I feel a very disturbing, evil laugh brewing in my gut, but I choke it down as Freddie takes his seat opposite Sam. I watch them exchange worried but excited looks, smiles playing in the corners of their mouths. I feel the itch in my knuckles to knock the smile off his face, to leave his jaw broken so he can't kiss her. But I sit, and I wait.

Dinner goes well enough, the ham tasty, well truly the first ham I've ever eaten. They see the hesitation on my face and they don't understand, curiosity jumping in their eyes as I take my first bite and smile, "What is it?"

"Why do you look like you've never had ham?" Sam asks, poking me in the side, a light playful smile on her face, the one I've come to love and trust. I'm finding it hard to trust that smile now though. But I smile wide because it's her birthday, because I love her … because she's beautiful.

"Because I haven't." I say it in between bites, savoring the flavor of the bacon and the ham, and I notice how everyone is gawking at me. "I'm … I was Jewish."

They all nod in unison, as if something just clicked, and then Carly's eyes flash with worry, "Sorry we didn't realize."

I sigh, somehow feeling that they're just a bit dense. "Did the fact that 'Kosher' was in the name of my family company not send off a signal?"

Sam laughs, punching me in the shoulder, "Be nice, Cohen!"

I laugh because I love when we're like this, but something deep within me, maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's fear; it feels like both mixed together. My heart races in a good way, I so want to be with her without all of this … this bullshit. So I dig my hand into my pocket pulling out the little box and the key fob, setting them down next to her plate. No one notices at first. Freddie's the first and his face goes pale: my intended reaction. But I'm so torn between teaching him a lesson, and just wanting to be with her.

I don't dare look at Sam's face. Instead I look down at my hands, feeling a sudden rush of tears building behind my eyes, clawing to get out. I hear her open the box and Freddie groans, I can't tell if disgust or worry made him do it and I don't care. I'm waiting for Sam's response, waiting for her to speak.

"Since he's gotten all shy," Carly says, piping up, and Sam shushes her loudly making me jump.

"What's this mean?" she says, grabbing me by the chin, forcing me to face her, to see the shaky accusing look in her blue eyes.

"It means that I'm giving you my heart, Puckett," I sigh, feeling a heavy weight come down upon me, as if I was suddenly Atlas and the world now lay upon my shoulders. "I know that may be stupid or corny, but I don't want you to not understand how much I love you."

Freddie scoffs lightly. Sam doesn't move to look at him, and I don't look at him but I hear him suck in air as Carly slaps him. Her eyes don't move from mine, but I can hear Spencer's fingers drumming on the table, counting the freezing seconds between us. She finally makes her move, pulling me into her arms, and I realize she was probably trying to figure out me out. I feel a tear slide down my cheek, my eyes burning so badly I have to squeeze them shut and try to keep out the pain of the betrayal I know they're hiding from me.

I feel another tear follow the first, and I get up hurriedly to run to the bathroom, clutching my gut, faking chemo cramps. Slamming the door I almost break down, I almost allow myself a reprieve. But I don't, I can't. I have to get Freddie out of the way.

I do eventually get my shit together and go out there to enjoy the rest of the party, Gibby eventually shows up, being weird. We sit around for hours trading stories and I tell them about my family, my brother, and my uncle.

Finally, my parents come up and I tell everyone how I wish they could meet Sam, sending Carly into a crying fit and anger into Freddie's eyes. Sam sits on my lap, eventually dozing off and I can't help but watch that angelic face that belies so much about her; her gruffness, her passion, and the emotion that she hides deep within her. I spy Freddie doing the same, his eyes watery with jealousy and worry, and I shoot him a wicked smile as I draw Sam nearer to me and kiss her on the head.

Spencer stands, telling us it's time to go our separate ways, which means bedtime. I gently shake Sam awake, my left hand going to her cheek, my thumb gently tracing the outline of her lips, and I watch her smile. That innocent, pure smile makes me want to kiss her, but she starts mumbling something as I continue to rub her cheek gently, "I love you … Fredward."

It's a whisper, no one hears it but me, and it crushes my heart as I lay her down on the couch, exiting Carly's apartment without a word. From the corner of my eye I see Spencer's face wracked with guilt, and I can't help but feel justified in what I'm going to do.


	20. Chapter 18

_Freddie-_

I text Sam to come over and I wait by my door for a few minutes before I hear a light knock and, "Let me in, nub."

I undo the locks, opening the door for her. Her eyes are rimmed red with sleep, that beautiful blonde hair slightly more askew than usual, making her cuter than she usually is. I take her hand and guide her to my room, sitting her on my bed. She looks around, having only seen it once, and it really hasn't changed much. I've got a bigger bed, better computer, but that's about it.

No, what changed since the last time she was in here is that I fell in love with her, and then "mutually" broke up with her because I thought that was what she wanted. I see now, that it was a mistake, a mistake I'm trying to correct.

I open my window, and I'm prepared for this, two lawn chairs, blankets and my Pear Pod dock set up and ready to go. "After you Sam."

She pouts, not quite asleep but not quite awake either. "Can't we stay here on this nice warm bed?"

She drops back, her shirt riding up revealing the beautiful pale skin of her belly, and it takes everything I have to not go after her. I feel her dragging me towards her, a constant hard tug right at the center of me like a collapsing star pulling in an asteroid. I grab onto the window sill to steady myself, "No Sam, I want to talk out here."

"And I want to talk right here," she says patting the bed, "promise I won't fall asleep."

It's like she just increases the pull, and I can't help but lose my grip on the sill and take an unwanted step towards her. Finally I'm pulled to the bed, not of my own choice, and I land beside her as she turns her head to look at me. Her beautiful, curly blonde hair splays itself out across my blanket, filling the air with the airy scent of strawberry.

Sam inches closer to me until we're pressed together side by side. A small sigh working its way out of her throat. "I'm worried about Billy."

"Yeah, he was strange tonight," I say, not really caring, but I do care. He's a nice guy, but he's a nice guy with Sam, which means he's not a nice guy in my opinion. "You don't think he thinks' we're … you know?"

She shrugs, "I told him we dated, and he took it well," and as that registered every alarm in my head went off, and suddenly all the looks, the smiles click into place. He was telling me he knew. I don't know how but he knew about us, and I don't mean the past us either.

"That's a nice charm he got you," I poke at it like its toxic. I'm a little surprised she's wearing it. But then again, Billy did really look like he was physically giving her his heart.

"I guess so." She's avoiding my eyes again, hiding something.

"You only guess?" I ask, trying to push slowly into that mind of hers, not wanting her to clam up.

"Everything's going so fast, I mean I've known Billy for what, a month now, and he's … he's given me so much." She really doesn't sound all that sure about things. "And he needs me, and it's nice to feel needed. He gave me a key to his place too. No one seemed to notice that, so I can just drop in on him, but …"

I bite my tongue, because I could tell her I need her, and it's true, I do. I want to listen to her; I want her to not have to have all of this weighing her down. I watch her face move between frustration and sleepiness, which I've seen her do many times, and I always find it cute.

"But," I say, gently pushing her along.

"But he's getting weird, distant, he doesn't talk anymore, he just sits there and stares at nothing. It makes me worry about him. I mean when he broke his hand I was startled at first, because he's so cold, but I just let it play out. I think I realized then he needed someone in his life to watch over him, to love him." She sighs, looking up at the ceiling. "I mean he's never been very emotional, but this is different, it's like he's … pushing me away, but at the same time needs me there with him. Like he doesn't know what he wants."

"How's his … cancer?" I ask, trying to put it better but can't, I'm not sure why I can't but it just doesn't want to come out better. I can't help but like the guy you know? I mean he's nice, he's nice to Sam, and so he can't be all that bad right?

"I'm not sure, he doesn't talk about it, I wish he'd let me in though," She looks over at me. Her eyes filled with worry, but not love … just worry. That strikes me as odd, for someone she loves she's not showing it. I've seen her eyes first hand when she's talking or looking at someone she loves, and that glow, that mischievous sparkle is just not there. "I'm afraid he thinks I can't handle it, because I can, I want to, someone has to help him with it. Teddy and Sal treat him with kid gloves, like he's made of glass or something. But I treat him like he's normal, and I really think he needs that in his life."

I try and hide a groan as I shift position; I keep hearing a lot of 'needs', not wants. He needs this, needs that, but I'm not really hearing what she wants and needs from him either, which concerns me. Maybe I'm just reading too much into this. But she has always told me I think too much.

"What do you want from him, Sam?" I ask as I watch her eyes skip in confusion, looking away from me.

"I'm not sure Freddie, I like being with him, he loves me, y'know and I love him." She says it but I don't believe it, it sounds so hollow and hesitant. But I'm not going to push it, I know better, if I want her to be my friend, if I want the continued chance of ever being able to get back with her I can't push this so I'm going to trust that she knows what she's doing.

"Hey weren't we supposed to be talking about your chiz?" Sam asks in a laugh and I feel my cheeks flush, "What's been going on in your big ol' head nub?"

"Sorry for me worrying about you Princess …" She slaps me quickly as we both laugh, but I get right to the point, "I keep thinking about that kiss."

I watch her smile and then push it away probably not meaning to reveal so much of what she's thinking. I hope that means she still has feelings for me. Then again I should know that because I'm still able to walk.

"Freddie," she looks at me. Her bright blue eyes look sad, which breaks my heart, "What do those kisses mean?"

"What do you want them to mean, Sam?" I ask it because I want to know, no I need to know. I'm fighting every urge in my body to show her what they meant to me, what she means to me. I can't just drop all of my emotions on her. I have to be slow about this especially because she's with Billy.

Her phone beeps, and she pulls it out of her pocket, looking at the screen frustration furrowing her brow as she answers. Before she can even hit send it goes off again, and I can see the frustration growing in her eyes. She does something I don't expect her to do … which is turn off her phone.

Knowing who it was I ask any way to see if she'll tell me, "Who was it?"

"Billy, I think he's worried about how I took his gift," She rolls her eyes, and she actually pouts a bit, sticking out her lower lip. "Keeps asking me to ditch you guys and go over to his place, and what we're doing. It's getting annoying."

"Ah," I roll over onto my belly propping myself up on my elbows, "Never thought you'd be the type to let a guy keep tabs on you."

She shrugs before rolling onto her side to look at me. "Guess I am."

Sam sounds defeated, and I've only heard her sound this way a handful of times. Each time it's scared me. I'm greatly worried now, so afraid that there's more she's not telling me, because knowing her there is. Sometimes, and it's a very rare occasion that I do it, I wish she would be just different enough to open up and not hold all of this back. But then she wouldn't be the woman I fell in love with, and I quickly thank God or whoever is responsible for putting her here for doing so. I love her just the way she is, and I would never actually want to change anything about her.

"I should go," Sam says, rising up off my bed to leave, but I grab her hand to stop her.

"You don't have to go anywhere," I say watching how that makes her eyes falter, all of that emotion pent up in there wavering. "Please stay. Let's just hang out, no need to talk, okay?"

Sam shakes her head. "But I do want to talk and we aren't. I worry about you Freddie."

I stand up off the bed, her hand still in mine, "That makes me very happy to hear."

"Why'd you kiss me tonight?"

After what Billy said at dinner, I have to take my shot. I don't think I can wait any longer. So I do it, I ready myself, bolster myself up, and summon every ounce of courage I can to tell her how I feel.

"I love you, Sam. That's why I kissed you, and I'm afraid I'm going to lose you." I say it, and it doesn't sound right. "I'm afraid … I made a mistake when I let our relationship go without a fight."

She doesn't say anything, just stares into my eyes, so of course I continue, why I'm not too sure, "I … I love you Sam, and not just as a friend, you … you …"

"I what?" I look into her eyes, and see what I want to be hope and love.

"I didn't have to give you my heart, because you took it the first moment I saw you, and it's been yours ever since." I pull her hand up to my chest, opening it laying it palm down so she can feel my heart beat, "Every beat has been yours since that first day eight years ago. Do you remember how we met?"

Sam smiles, nodding as I let her hand drop from my chest, "In the hallway, you bumped into me trying to get into this place, Cra … your Mom was yelling at you about a tick bath, and I was waiting on Carly to get home."

"Yup," I say with a smile, "I bumped into you dropping my stuff, and you handed me back my stuffed Nug Nug. We'd been living here for three months, I'd met Carly and she was cool. But you … you were … even then you were this beautiful blonde haired angel. I was so … blown away by you, and then you hit me for staring at you, and called me a nub for the first time."

I see a tiny bit of tears well up in the corners of her eyes. "I honestly didn't think you remembered."

"How could I forget one of the most important moments of my life?" I ask with a slight laugh, one out of shock more than humor. It hurts to know she doesn't think that highly of me, assuming I'd forget about that moment or any of the moments we've had together for that matter. "How … no, why would I ever forget how I met the most important person in my life? How could you think that of me?"

I watch as her mouth drops open to speak, but nothing comes out. I feel a fire in my skin, the urge to kiss her, but I push it back as I'm amazed at how effortlessly beautiful she is. She confuses me in ways that nothing else can, and pushes me in every way, but I love her; I always have and I always will.

In the few seconds she's speechless my mind races through my memories of her, the moment I realized I loved her was the moment we kissed right outside on the fire escape; the moment I realized I was scared to love her was the moment I gave up the cruise for her, the moment I knew I couldn't live without her was the moment she was dangling from that damn window washing scaffolding as it hung fifteen stories up and I knew I had to save her life because if she had died, I would have too.

I feel my breath hitch, as I remember how much I hurt in that elevator after we broke up, kissing her, knowing each one could be our last. I just can't do this; I can't cry in front of her, I can't be so weak, not when Billy's so strong already. I know the only way this can work out is if I literally pour out every emotion I've had over the last months since we went from being a couple to barely functional friends. I can't live like that again. I can't stand another day of dying inside just because I can't reach out and touch her cheek.

"Freddie I never meant … I always thought that after that night when we left each other that… you'd just forget about me," Sam shrugs and I can't hold it anymore, I know it had to be a defense mechanism for her, thinking I was going to abandon her but the pain is so immense, so overwhelming I can't hold back the tears. The look on her face is something I never expected.

The tears come slowly and hot as a cold breeze kicks through my open window making Sam shiver … or perhaps it is my tears doing it. I'm not sure. All I know is that hurt, it hurts so much, to know she thinks I'll just abandon her. That I really would just forget about her and move on to some other prospect.

I take a step closer to her to where we're barely inches away, the urge to kiss her growing but I have to fight it, because this isn't about the physical. This about how much I love her, what I'm willing to do for her, because even if she stays with Billy I'll always love her. But at least she'll know I'll always be here, that I'll always love and support her, no matter what.

Finally finding the ability to speak, the pure will power to confront the crazy notion that I'd forget her, I begin to speak, afraid she'll withdraw and run away. I'm not willing to lose her. This girl completes me in every way, and she's a part of my soul now, after all these years. To lose her would be to lose a part of myself, and that would be devastating, something it would take my entire life to recover from, if I could do it at all.

"Sam." Just saying her name makes me want to break down, but the way her eyes begin to sparkle when I do keeps me going. "Why would you ever think that I'd forget you?"

"Everyone else does." She says it and as if some clichéd love god decided to chime in, lightning strikes in the distance, thunder shaking the air. "You never … you acted like you forgot about us."

I see now that my own need for control, to show no weakness, not to let my pain show around her, was a mistake. A mistake I can only try to take back and, to fix, and if I have to, I will spend the rest of my life doing it. I'll prove myself to her, somehow, someday.

I struggle in finding a name that can contain everything about her: sweetheart, Princess Puckett, baby, cuteness. They just don't work right now. So I decide to do something I've only rarely done, "Samantha, if I didn't hide how I felt we never would have gotten anything done, iCarly would have fallen apart, and I couldn't bear to be around you at all. That doesn't excuse what I did either … I realize that now. Every night I'd stand in front of my bathroom mirror and practice what I'd say to you, what I'd tell you when I saw you the next day to let you know that I still loved you, that I needed you in my life, that I wanted you in my life … that you were the most important thing in this world to me."

"More important than Galaxy Wars, nub?" She says it playfully but I get the meaning, one of the most important things in my life is the crazed Galaxy Wars fandom. It's never held a candle to her, never. If anything it comes in a distant hundredth to her with her filling every other spot. That sounds so crazy I know, but it's true, and it always has been.

To prove it I walk over to the poster of Nug Nug that rests above my computer and slip my fingers under the edge. I might regret this in the morning, but for right now what I'm about to do will probably make the point words can't. I pull quickly, like a band aid, ripping it off my wall. I wad it up in my hands and shove it into my empty garbage can, I then walk over to a shelf full of action figure and models, some of which my Dad help me build, those … I would leave … the rest I'd put in here. My heart pounds as I begin to remove them one at a time, placing them gently in there and there they would stay until Sam got the point.

I feel her hand on my arm, "Stop, Freddie."

"No," I say and continue to put them in the bin, leaving three models on the shelf. I feel her jerk me back from the shelf, rage on her face.

"I don't want you to change." It's unexpected but it makes me smile, since it shows how much she cares and that makes me feel invincible. I set the bin on the floor, her eyes looking between me and it as she snatches it off the floor, and begins putting the models back on the shelf. "Why'd you do that?"

"Because you are more important to me, than anything in this room or in my home," I say, slowly preparing myself for the next thing I have to say, "I can buy all of this stuff over again if I had to, every DVD, poster and figure. But you … you I can't."

She groans, "Why didn't you just say that nub?"

"Actions are better than words," I say, listening to the heavens open up and pour down upon Seattle. I praise the rain, it makes me feel good, always has, not as good as Sam makes me feel, though. "I had to show you."

"That's very sweet," she says before turning to look at me holding up my destroyed poster, "But if you ever do that again, for anyone other than yourself I will hunt you down and beat you until you go comatose, understand? You are so awesome, so good the way you are, don't change that for anyone, you hear me Fredward Benson?"

"I would change for you," I hold up a hand to stop her from talking, and she growls at me, and within my gut a fire erupts from that sexy growl. "I know that sounds desperate and stupid, but I would. I have changed because of you, and for the better, you've taught me how to take care of myself, to be strong and to stand up for what I believe in. That's all you, Princess Puckett."

"Listen, Freddie," she says as she shoves the poster into my hands, "I love you the way you are, please don't change okay? Promise me that."

I gasp, and then a smile I couldn't hide even if I tried breaks out across my face. "I promise you, Princess Puckett, that I, Fredward Karl Benson, will never change for anyone or anything."

Sam stares at me, that perfect smile on her face, begging me to cup her cheek with my hand. But the sound of my phone ringing breaks this thing we've got going, I go over to it and see Billy's name and I groan. "It's Billy."

"Don't answer it Freddie, let it just be us." I look at her over my shoulder, wondering if I should let it go.

"Let me just tell him you're asleep at Carly's."

I answer the phone, his voice is ragged and angry, "Benson, fuck took so long?"

"I was asleep, Billy," I say trying my best to sound groggy, hoping it works, but this is seriously scaring the shit out of me. He sounds so violent, so … off the hinges it worries me. "What do you need?"

"Sam's not answering her goddamned phone, so I thought you might know why." He asks it like it's an accusation, and it makes me think back to the looks and smiles he had all night, that knowing look in his eyes. "Sam got any reason to not answer me, Benson?"

"No Billy, it's late. She was asleep when I left Carly's, so she probably just turned her phone off so she could sleep." I say it with a smile, not showing the fear and worry racing through my mind. "You might not know Sam that well, because when she sleeps she doesn't like to be woken up, and it takes some getting used to. She'll get back to you though."

Sam smiles at me, with a laugh, "Benson, if you're lying to me … no, you know what, I want you to stay away from her."

"What are you talking about, Billy?" I laugh it off, shaking my head, and moving my hand like a very talkative puppet as Sam covers her mouth in a laugh. I don't usually lie, especially to Sam, but … I don't think she needs this right now and I'm not about to tell her either.

"I'm talking about the fact that I know you two used to date, I see the way you look at her, it's a shame puppy love doesn't last Benson, it's a shame for you that's she's moved on to a real man and not a nerd like you. I feel for you, I really do." He says it with a laugh, I've never heard him sound so vile, and for one quick second, rage and worry creep into my chest before I push them back. "You know, if I ever find out you're hanging out with her outside the show, I'm going to make you hurt worse than you do right now, understand?"

"Yeah I do, Billy," I say, biting my tongue before I say anything further, before I let the rage escape. The sound of him cutting off the call tells me to smile and wish him a good night, I do and Sam shakes her head. "He's worried about you; you know after earlier, think you might be avoiding him."

Sam's face suddenly shifts from a real smile, to a smile tinged with guilt. "I should get going."

"Sam, don't go, you don't have to go." I say it as I close the gap between us taking her hand again, "Please."

"No, I have to go Freddie." She jerks her hand away heading for the door, I catch up with her, trying to get her to stop, but she won't look at me, I don't know what changed suddenly.

"Sam, what's wrong?" She stops, turning her head slightly, just glancing at me over her shoulder, and the pain I see makes me suck in a breath. It's so unusual to see her in pain. I don't understand what's going on, was it me? Or the reminder that she's with Billy and that he gave her his heart?

"Good night Freddie, I'll see to you tomorrow nub." She leaves me standing there, feeling a grab bag of emotions that I don't understand, joy, worry, love, anger, hate, caution, and most of all, hope.


End file.
